soljah Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Hi guys, I was hoping I could get abit of feedback on my situation and how I feel. Just over a year ago, my fiance left me, I havent been able to cope at all and I miss her immensley. I havent seen or spoken to her since. Just a few emails which I communicated some things. I did some real real stupid, destructive stuff leading to the break up of the relationship. See im the kinda guy that doesnt think of the consequences of what I say or do until after I do them. I basically put her through hell and back for the last 6 months of our relationship, I just couldnt stand her at the time, I was miserable with her and im even more misrable and lonely without her. See, we were together for 9 years, when we werent arguing, we got along like a house on fire, we toured europe together and I proposed to her on a gondola, I could tell, alot of people were jealous of us as a couple because of what we had. Her mother never accepeted me, she left her family because of it and she was totally over the crap she was getting from her mother because she was seeing me. Her mother would kick her out of home and be real abusive to her because she was seeing me. This all changed when her brother got engaged, her mother wanted her there at the wedding but refused me to be there at any circumstance. THis caused alot of drama with my family and close family friends, they all agreed that it was wrong and I was been treated like dirt by my fiance for willing to go to the wedding without me as her fiance. I tried explaining this to her but she refused to see my point and I could see she was changing because of ideas her mother put into her head. eventually the day before the marriage, my fiance gave in from pressure from me to give a ultimatum to her mother that she will only go if I go. She only agreed to do this after she called her auntie, her mothers sister, who told her, that I was right and she should stand up from the bridal party table and sit next to me throughout the whole wedding. She did this and she then also stopped talking to her mum again after the wedding. But I felt the damage was already done, all the fighting leading up to this, and the way she didnt care about how I felt, I had enough, I would try and cuddle her and she just felt disinterested. The day before our breakup, I kicked her out of my house and told her to never come back... and she never did. She would always ask me, why I would never leave her if I thought she was a toxic person as I thought she was, she had alot of bad habits, one of them, a gambling problem where she once stole money from work and her own family to gamble with. Even when she was charged for doing so, I still stuck by her, and the reason why I never left her when she did all these and many other things was because I felt like... (I dont know how to express it...) but in one way... the devotion and commitment my fiance showed me, i felt no other girl would be so into me, my ex fiance was head over heels for me, I felt i would never find someone else, or someone else that can be so into me. She always stuck by me 110% on what I said and did and she would always laugh at my jokes no matter how lame. So now im feeling unbelievably lonely, I miss her so much and cant come to terms with it, no matter how hard I try, I feel like, im worthless, especially after saying somethings which im to ashamed to mention here that I did to her, even after the break up.. I ridiculed her. I feel I need to see her and get on my knees to beg for her forgiveness, I still cry at least once a week from missing her so much, No one from my family wants to see her, the very mention of her angers my family and I have no one to talk to about how much I miss her. I feel like, I dont know what to do anymore or where to go, im so lost... I started a new job a few months after the breakup, before that I wasnt working properly and she supported me alot financially, I feel like if this job didnt come at the time it did I would have sent myself crazy, its the only thing I have going for me in my life at the moment. Think ill stop now... There is so much more to this... this is just the tip of a iceberg :/ If you gus want to know more, feel free to ask..
loveshy Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I think you are going through normal breakup symptoms... Once a breakup happens... The person who breaks up sees only the negative things... You might put logic of what she did wrong... but thats how it goes...
LostInLimbo Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 That whole relationship, sounded like a nightmare waiting to happen, you have a very poison/toxic enviroment, especially when it comes to family, let me tell yo from experience, blood is thicker then water and never usually works out my advice would have been for you to both seek counciling immediatley, did you both ever discuss it? if not, why not? Its been 14months, Im not sure if begging is going to help you (it won't), she would most likely only comeback as out of feeling sorry for you then where will you be in months time, going through the same thing and waiting to heal again a step one, chances are that would not work, I would certainly move on, its been a long while since the break up in which you should get couciling, you need to let her come back on her own and leave her be, thats the only way you have a chance of getting her back and it being for her feelings towards you, not yours and what you want.. Not sure if that helped, Im no professional, but been down that family road, doesn't work, or never will feel right... LiL
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