MrAdam77 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Hello all, I'd like to share a story about me and my now ex GF as I'm having second thoughts about a recent decision I made. Last November I met this girl. We began hanging out and got into a relationship that lasted a bout 5 1/2 months. We were very close, got in a few fights but nothing major. We were basically joined at the hip. Then we ran into a problem. You see she only lives a few blocks from me so, whenever I came over I'd call her and let her know I'm on my way. Then I'd send a text asking her to come downstairs to let me into her apartment complex. That was our routine for the entire time we were together. Well, a couple weeks back, I called her letting her know I was on my way. 5 minutes later she called and texted me asking, "where are you right now?" I found this rather strange. Thinking to myself, "why would she be doing this?" Anyway, as I approached her apartment building I see a guy leaving. I didn't see her, and again he was leaving the "complex" so I realy have no idea whether he was leaving her place or not. He shot me an awkward look, got in his car and drove off. Immediately my gut told me something was wrong. So I went upstairs and confronted her about it. She denied it but I was so emotionally charged that I accused her of lying, grabbed my stuff and left. I then go downstairs to the supermarket next door to her apartment building to get some coffee and see the SAME guy who left there moments earlier and it seems like he's trying not to notice me. I ask myself, why would this guy drive around the corner just to come to a supermarket he could have walked into a few minutes ago. Again, my gut told me something was wrong. Well, I was done with her. Then a couple days later she called asking to meet up with me saying it was about her "dignity." I agreed initally but ended up blowing off the meeting because I was hurt, simply put. The next day we rescheduled but she cancalled at the last minute stating, "there's no need to meet me tonight." The next day I get an email from her where she explained she wasn't cheating and if I trusted her I wouldn't have left like I did. The same night a bag with all my stuff was in front of my apartment. Later in the week I replied telling her I had to trust my gut and I had no regrets about my decision hoping she'd respond reclaiming her innocence. That same day I put all her stuff in a bag and dropped it off in front of her apartment. Well, I never got a response from my email. I have seen her a couple times since. I just greet her and go on my way. So my questions are: Given the information I provided, did I overreact to the situation?The fact she hasn't responded to the mail or reached out to me after her inital denial, does that confirm my suspicion? I would have thought if she were innocent she's be doing everything she could to convince me, agreed?I haven't contacted her at all since replying to the email. What to do I do in a situation where I have no confirmation of what actually occurred?Any other insight is greatly appeciated.Thank you all M
stace79 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 1. Yes, I think you overreacted. I am guilty of the same thing -- react & speak first, apologize later. You really have nothing to verify the guy was even in your ex's apartment. Maybe he was scoping the place to rob it. Maybe he was cheating with a DIFFERENT girl. Maybe he is gay and sneaking out of his gay lover's place. Maybe he is just a weirdo who looks suspicious. 2. You did not even give her a chance to discuss the issue with you calmly. You grabbed your stuff, called her a liar, and left. If I had done nothing wrong, and you did that to me, I'd probably act the same. Like, "Fine. Don't trust me? I don't need your drama." 3. It seems like you are hypersensitive to any change or anything. Makes me feel like you already didn't trust her or something. Had anything else happened throughout the relationship? Are you just an overly jealous or sensitive person? If I were you, and you really wanted to at least try and talk things out with this girl, I would write an e-mail or letter to her and say something like: - Apologize for rushing to conclusions and losing your cool - Tell her you really liked being with her, and you understand that she is upset with how you made assumptions - Tell her that you would like a chance to discuss it and would she be open to meeting you for lunch or coffee or whatever, just to talk Don't make any assumptions about getting back together though. I would completely make it about "clearing the air" and trying to be respectful of each other's feelings, and also to be adults and come to a friendly closure of some sort. Good luck!
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