GroupFitness Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I don't really get this. He's 30 years old, a teacher, goofy, playful and a good conversationalist, however, when it comes to socializing with a group of people, he gets the sweats. He says it is social anxiety disorder but I don't understand what he is anxious/nervous about. The people we socialize with are regular every day folks, not the high and mighty and it's not like he has to do any public speaking or be the life of the party, just mingle around like the rest of us so why does he get all nervous, sweaty and hides in a corner?. More over, he is 30 years old, shouldn't a person be self assured enough at this age, not to be so worried about socially interacting with others? I understand the social akwardness of teenage years but at 30 years old? I'm puzzled Can anyone shed some light on this?
zhsoj Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I'm 25 and while I've never been officially diagnosed, I certainly seem to "have it". I don't see why there has to be a time-limit, and from videos I saw of people dealing with it, there were lots of people in their mid to later years of life. I've never sought professional help for it, but then I don't think my case is all that bad. His really doesn't sound that bad either as he is able to teach, but maybe you could suggest he look into it. How is it a problem for you?
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 How does he do when the group is predominantly friends and family? Are you very outgoing?
Author GroupFitness Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Naturally, he is fine when the group is friends and family because he's known them all his life. But if there are strangers there, he freezes up. We can't go to parties or get togethers because he just gets too nervous and wouldn't stop sweating, often times, he has to leave. We can't go to new settings together or even make new friends because of this and our social life suffers greatly for it. This is someone who I don't consider shy, he doesn't look or act shy with me at all. He is certainly not quiet, he's always running his mouth. I am not the life of the party myself but I can strike up and hold a conversations in any setting. My peers don't intimidate me.
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 When you travel, how does he deal with new experiences?
stace79 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 My boyfriend had a chronic illness and for years he would be borderline agoraphobic, never wanting to leave the house in case he started feeling badly. That translated over even after his health improved significantly, he still faces severe anxiety about going out to new places, long drives, airplane flights etc. He doesn't like to be far from home. While he has improved, he is not and will probably never be as outgoing or adventurous as me. It is something I just had to accept if I want to be with him. You could encourage him to get counseling or something like that, but if it's not something you want to deal with the rest of your life, better think hard. It's not likely he will change drastically.
oscakool Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I used to think I was this way because I was very anti-social. But I found some friends that would always push me into groups of strangers to start talking to and I finally got over it. It's why I now have no fear when approaching people
refurb Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 It's more than just social awkwardness, it's a type of phobia, almost like a performance anxiety. It likely started with just plain social awkwardness, then he likely started having thoughts about what other people are thinking about him: "What if someone doesn't like me? What if someone embarrasses me? What if I have nothing to say?". After have those thoughts for a while, he likely gets anxious at thought of other people noticing his anxiety (sweating, blushing, etc). Then it's just a vicious cycle at that point. He gets around new people and the anxiety just takes off from there. Honestly he should talk to his doctor about it. It very treatable either through medication and/or cognitive behavioral therapy. RF
Author GroupFitness Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 It's more than just social awkwardness, it's a type of phobia, almost like a performance anxiety. It likely started with just plain social awkwardness, then he likely started having thoughts about what other people are thinking about him: "What if someone doesn't like me? What if someone embarrasses me? What if I have nothing to say?". After have those thoughts for a while, he likely gets anxious at thought of other people noticing his anxiety (sweating, blushing, etc). Then it's just a vicious cycle at that point. He gets around new people and the anxiety just takes off from there. Honestly he should talk to his doctor about it. It very treatable either through medication and/or cognitive behavioral therapy. RF This is exactly how he describes it, especially when he starts sweating, the more he thinks people notice, the more he sweats and he would keep wiping his forehead with his hands, I admit, it's embarrassing, even for me, I can't imagine him. I told him that these people are just as nervous and anxious, and they are not anymore socially savvy than he is so he needs to stop putting them on this pedestal. Carhill, he is fine traveling, he will talk to cab drivers and vendors, etc, freely making conversation but as soon as he gets within a group, the monster comes out.
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 OK, let's try another angle. Say you and your girlfriends are going away for the weekend. Is he more likely to go out, go visit his guy friends and/or family or stay home alone?
Author GroupFitness Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 OK, let's try another angle. Say you and your girlfriends are going away for the weekend. Is he more likely to go out, go visit his guy friends and/or family or stay home alone? He will probably go to the gym, stay home and work on his grad school papers. He doesn't have any guy friends but he may go to a bar and watch some baseball or something. No family around where we live
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Do you find it odd that he has no significant male friends? I mean, if he has no problem going to a bar, buying a beer and watching the game, one would think some social interaction would take place at some point. Same with the gym. Man, I gotta say, he's a peculiar one....
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