dreamergrl Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 So I just wanted to share this with everyone.... I got this random email from D (who is now on my block and ignore list) how he just wants to be friends, because I don't trust him and blah blah blah, and maybe we can try again the future. Only to find out (which I'm glad I did) that he is now in a relationship (when he told me we were in one before, even though I never agreed to that) that he all of a sudden has a girlfriend. If I wasn't already starting my dating sabbatical, I would be now. And now it's with a lot more bitterness that I have to overcome.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Sounds like D (I get them all confused, to be honest) just likes to bounce from girl to girl. This says NOTHING about you as a person, only that you need to make better choices and get to know someone at their core before allowing yourself to become invested at all.
Author dreamergrl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 According to D (who I of coursed told to get effed before I blocked him) it was all my fault. :rolleyes:
Kamille Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 According to D (who I of coursed told to get effed before I blocked him) it was all my fault. :rolleyes: then you are MUCH better off without him. I support the dating sabatical! Take a break from the drama and focus on your strenghts.
Trialbyfire Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 dreamergrl, plse put this into perspective. The two of you dated five times and weren't in an exclusive relationship. Regardless of what he did or didn't do, he wasn't the guy for you. Imagine having to live with excuse after excuse, day in and day out. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!
pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Dreamergirl, this guy sounds like a d-bag. You rule, he drools. The end.
Author dreamergrl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 dreamergrl, plse put this into perspective. The two of you dated five times and weren't in an exclusive relationship. Regardless of what he did or didn't do, he wasn't the guy for you. Imagine having to live with excuse after excuse, day in and day out. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! I agree I'm better off. I'm just irritated that I got lied to. He was the one who claimed we were only dating each other exclusively. Then I had to go block the new gf, as she was so sweet enough to email me and call me a nasty ******* saying I can't have him because they are together and she loves him. :rolleyes: Thank God this is the end to this bull****
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Then I had to go block the new gf, as she was so sweet enough to email me and call me a nasty ******* saying I can't have him because they are together and she loves him. :rolleyes: Thank God this is the end to this bull**** WOAH. Isn't this the THIRD guy who's had a girl write you a nasty message? What's going on here, Dreamer?
Author dreamergrl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 WOAH. Isn't this the THIRD guy who's had a girl write you a nasty message? What's going on here, Dreamer? Second. Apparently I've been picking guys who are already seeing someone. I swear to God I didn't even write her. Nor the last one.
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Must be something in the cheese I echo the advice for a sabbatical. Figure out what signals are going out to consistently attract such men to you. You know you deserve better
oscakool Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Whatever, who cares about the guy. The biggest loser guys are the ones that can't be honest. The one thing I stress to guys I teach is that they need to be honest with everything. He's obviously insecure and wasn't honest. His loss.
You'reasian Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 So I just wanted to share this with everyone.... I got this random email from D (who is now on my block and ignore list) how he just wants to be friends, because I don't trust him and blah blah blah, and maybe we can try again the future. Only to find out (which I'm glad I did) that he is now in a relationship (when he told me we were in one before, even though I never agreed to that) that he all of a sudden has a girlfriend. If I wasn't already starting my dating sabbatical, I would be now. And now it's with a lot more bitterness that I have to overcome. You were in a relationship that you never agreed to - apparently not interested enough in this man? and when you find out he has a girlfriend, you're bitter? It sounds like you tried to give yourself a way out Dating isn't the issue. Its not you per se, your indecision, lack of trust and fear of commitment.
Author dreamergrl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 You were in a relationship that you never agreed to - apparently not interested enough in this man? and when you find out he has a girlfriend, you're bitter? It sounds like you tried to give yourself a way out Dating isn't the issue. Its not you per se, your indecision, lack of trust and fear of commitment. No he just assumed we were exclusive. Told me he wasn't seeing anyone else. So I believed him. He went on and on about how he was a trust worthy guy, then bam, he has a gf that loves him.
tkgirl Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Dreamergirl, this guy sounds like a d-bag. You rule, he drools. The end. I second this!!!!
You'reasian Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 No he just assumed we were exclusive.. and you said that you didn't agree to be in a relationship with him. your words. Told me he wasn't seeing anyone else. So I believed him. He went on and on about how he was a trust worthy guy, then bam, he has a gf that loves him. You've made it clear that you didn't want to be with this guy in the first place but your reaction is one that is very bitter with the fact that he's found someone else. Sounds like he is a trust-worthy guy whose found someone who loves him. As a woman who wasn't really interested in the guy in the first place (your words) shouldn't you be happy for him? This allows you to find a guy that you can get interested in, while the one you weren't interested in found someone for himself. win-win.
Author dreamergrl Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 and you said that you didn't agree to be in a relationship with him. your words. You've made it clear that you didn't want to be with this guy in the first place but your reaction is one that is very bitter with the fact that he's found someone else. Sounds like he is a trust-worthy guy whose found someone who loves him. As a woman who wasn't really interested in the guy in the first place (your words) shouldn't you be happy for him? This allows you to find a guy that you can get interested in, while the one you weren't interested in found someone for himself. win-win. Umm actually I did want to be with him at one point. Not now. Where in my other posts did it say I didn't want to be with him. I said I didn't agree to any exclusivity. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else, and he went on and on how he's not a cheater ect ect. So I took that as he wasn't. I made several attempts to see him and what not, for him to lead me on and on.
You'reasian Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I said I didn't agree to any exclusivity. Nothing wrong with that. I think you have problems being equitable - seeing why you're bitter over this guy. If you don't agree to exclusivity, chances are he's out there dating and banging other chicks too. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else, and he went on and on how he's not a cheater ect ect. So I took that as he wasn't. I made several attempts to see him and what not, for him to lead me on and on. Maybe he isn't a cheater, but by denying exclusivity you're getting involved in an open relationship. Holy #$%^ my date is here and she's smokin'!!! gotta run, good luck!
Kamille Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 In a weird way, considering that I've followed your story closely, I do agree with some of what You'reAsian is saying: really, considering all the misunderstanding and issues you and D faced in the few weeks you tried to date, I'm not 100% sure he played you. I'll try to explain: You basically went in worried that he would play you, and recent events confirm your fears, so it is natural that you jump to that conclusion. It confirms everything you think you know about dating and guys, and reinforces your trust issues. The thing is - and this is why I support the dating sabbatical - your trust issues made it so that the exclusivity talk happened too soon. And then, when he strated struggling with them, in his own discourteous way, instead of backing off and telling yourself you deserved to be with someone who would treat you better, I think you hung on in the hopes that he would prove your fears wrong. And also prove that you were worthy of love. Vicious circle. You self-admittedly have a fear of abandonment, which translates into trust issues, which makes you seek out security too soon in a relationship, which mean you introduce a bit of drama early on and invest too soon, which means that guys pull jerky stunts, which confirm you in your trust issues, which in turn might make you feel like love is for everyone but you. I think the sabatical should be dedicated to make sure that your life is so filled with activities, great (girl) friends and good vibes that the next time you meet a guy, you will only accept and expect the utmost respect from him. That when you feel insecure, for whatever reason, you will pull back and reassess the situation and rely on yourself, instead of relying on duffus-number-5 to make you feel better about yourself.
Author dreamergrl Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 The thing is though, after his little "I don't want a relationship with you speel" and the new girl popped up, he started talking to me as if all we ever were was friends. Nothing else. As though us dating never happened. But whatever I don't care anymore.
carhill Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Convenient, isn't it, how some people are? I'm just glad I don't have to live in their head
You'reasian Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 In a weird way, considering that I've followed your story closely, I do agree with some of what You'reAsian is saying: really, considering all the misunderstanding and issues you and D faced in the few weeks you tried to date, I'm not 100% sure he played you. I'll try to explain: You basically went in worried that he would play you, and recent events confirm your fears, so it is natural that you jump to that conclusion. It confirms everything you think you know about dating and guys, and reinforces your trust issues. The thing is - and this is why I support the dating sabbatical - your trust issues made it so that the exclusivity talk happened too soon. And then, when he strated struggling with them, in his own discourteous way, instead of backing off and telling yourself you deserved to be with someone who would treat you better, I think you hung on in the hopes that he would prove your fears wrong. And also prove that you were worthy of love. Vicious circle. You self-admittedly have a fear of abandonment, which translates into trust issues, which makes you seek out security too soon in a relationship, which mean you introduce a bit of drama early on and invest too soon, which means that guys pull jerky stunts, which confirm you in your trust issues, which in turn might make you feel like love is for everyone but you. I think the sabatical should be dedicated to make sure that your life is so filled with activities, great (girl) friends and good vibes that the next time you meet a guy, you will only accept and expect the utmost respect from him. That when you feel insecure, for whatever reason, you will pull back and reassess the situation and rely on yourself, instead of relying on duffus-number-5 to make you feel better about yourself. I re-read her posts under this thread and I don't see wheere he mistreats her? From what I gather she goes on a few dates with this guy. The guy tries to make the relationship into something more, but she says under no uncertain terms are they exclusive. The guy takes the hint - assumes they are in an open relationship and gets involved in another relationship that works out. Dreamergirl gets bitter. Why is this guy such a jerk? Where is the disrepectful behavior?
Author dreamergrl Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 I re-read her posts under this thread and I don't see wheere he mistreats her? From what I gather she goes on a few dates with this guy. The guy tries to make the relationship into something more, but she says under no uncertain terms are they exclusive. The guy takes the hint - assumes they are in an open relationship and gets involved in another relationship that works out. Dreamergirl gets bitter. Why is this guy such a jerk? Where is the disrepectful behavior? Why is it okay for him to lie about seeing someone else and obviously hide the fact that he was seeing me from her? I never told him yes or no on the exclusive talk. He never asked. Just assumed. I left it at that, as I didn't want to go into another circle with him. So basically this is my fault, and I pushed him into having a hidden relationship with another girl? Seriously, if they are 'in-love', they were seeing each other long before the last week when things started getting rocky. I tried my butt off to make things work better. Only to have it thrown in my face, made to be felt bad about it, and I'm not going to take blame for anything but my own actions.
loveslife Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Sorry but from all I've read of this relationship I don't think you got played either.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I think it's agreeable that " getting played" meant he either slept with you or used you for your money and disappears. In this case, he merely just made himself a flake.
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I'm not going to take blame for anything but my own actions.I wouldn't worry about perception. Just accept what you feel is yours to own and let the rest slide. It's not worth getting annoyed about.
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