Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Day 8 Today of NC She broke it with an email. Can anyone advise me please? I dont want to break it. Here is her email Hi Just looked at my bank statement, on the 18th May I paid out 13.02 to (internet provider). Must have set up a direct debit. I've cancelled it anyway, but you should get in touch with them. Hope you're well Was thinking I should just send her the 13.02 via paypal and say nothing else. No notes, no emails, nothing. If anyone could advise me I would be most greatful. Judging by her tone, its not very warm.
TheBigCow Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I'm sure people will disagree but I advise sending something like. "Thanks for letting me know. I sent you the 13." I mean I guess this will technially break your NC, but its just civil.. it won't affect your feelings any more than the email already has, not replying just seems a wee bit rude. I think you're right not to read anything positive into it.
Leveller Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I tend to agree mate. Keep it civil and show that you can deal with things in a 'manly' way.
Author Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Thanks TBC and Leveller There is nothing positive in it at all. Its just pis*ed me off, as I was starting to not think about her nearly as much!!! My NC plan is 2 months minimum. Anyone else out there? I guess your right...keep it civil As far as she is concerned I want to drop off the face of the earth. I even screened a call yesterday from one of our friends who is close with her. I also got an email from her mum yesterday- Hi Darling, How are things going now? I hope it's getting easier.... Thanks for the birthday wishes and for Daves operation. He's on the mend and out of hospital after a week. I'm sure he'll be OK although it must be hard for him not smoking. I am trying v.v. hard to give up as well but have the occasional one or two now and again..... Not bad huh? Thinking of you often and do keep in touch. Love (her mum's name) xxx I havent replied to that either Any more advice out there?
drummerprince81 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 SB - I would certainly reply to her mother's email. DEFINITELY. But keep it friendly, same length and send her a link to a few websites that help with giving up smoking. Don't go over the top, and reply like you would normally reply to her... As for the ex's email, just because she wasn't warm doesn't mean you have to be the same. Be civil, be friendly, but be guarded. Remember, my ex texted me a few days ago and it wasn't cold but it wasn't warm but even you said it was a sign (albeit not positive and nothing to clutch at but I'm glad she did. Obviously, your ex was a complete bi-atch to you and she isn't gonna be warm yet!!!). Just say "Hey - Thanks for the information. I'll call the bank when I get a chance and pay you back too. I'm good, hope you are too". Thats what I'd say. Maybe its too friendly...
Knowingmeknowingyou Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Hi Soul The email looks purely functional, shes just relaying some practical info to you, I would pay the money, but not reply...if it could be done that way. I can imagine it made your heart jump a bit to receive it...as for her mums one, its hard as she obviously likes you and wants you to know shes not forgetting about you, but I'd let it go and not answer, the less involvement with them the quicker for you to get over it. Rise above it all!
Author Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 I love the idea of the No Smoking websites Thats very good!!! I do feel like its a little to friendly, I have been nothing but warm since the split to her and had nothing in return. If I send it Via paypal, i dont have to write a reply....i can just send the money
Author Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 its a mixed bag of answers here..... Im very very confused
drummerprince81 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 SB - don't worry about being overly friendly. You seem like a friendly person, its in your nature. Both your ex and her mum know that. Your ex doesn't appreciate it, whereas her mother is old enough and wise enough. You obviously have a special place in her heart. Put the past behind you for a second, and you don't have to go over the top. I'm not telling you to jump off a cliff hehe and most people will probably say DON'T CONTACT but I know I would. But thats just me. I am a very warm person myself too. Just keep being warm. To everyone. It is your ex's loss, not yours and I think her mum would like to hear from you. I don't think she is on a spying mission either.
Author Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 No, she is definately not on a spying mission. That is not her nature. I was in touch with her alot during the first month of breakup. I guess you guys are right. Knowing me- thankyou for your reply too SB
Author Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Bugger it. Sent the damn 13.02 via paypal. No message. The subject line just said 'thanks for letting me know'
Leveller Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I agree wholeheartedly with drummerprince81. NEVER a bad thing to be on friendly terms with the ex's family after a breakup.
Author Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 NEVER a bad thing to be on friendly terms with the ex's family after a breakup. You would know bro ;)Funny that, as my family are not on friendly terms with my ex....they are pretty pis*ed at her A note to the regulars- promise I wont drag this thread out
LadyV Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I have to agree, keep it civil. When it comes to stuff like this, things have to be worked out. I would send her the money and be done with it.
drummerprince81 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 My ex owes me money! Maybe I should try to retrieve that too! But really I couldn't care any less coz I don't want the money, I want her. Well done - SB, you did well.
xxSRMxx Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I think u dealt with that well soulbear, just sending her the money on paypal. Best way, well done :-)
Author Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Ok Folks, its done. She got her money with a 'thanks for letting me know', her mum got a reply, a nice one and I included the stopping smoking websites as suggested by DP- that was a very good idea BTW!!! Thanks again for all your help, all of you wan luv SoulBear Back to day 1 of NC again!!!! lol
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