alice88 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 i met a guy last week and we went out. We went out again a few days later and had outstanding sex. the next day he told me to call him later. i told him to call me, because he told me he had some things to do. he didnt call, so i called him. i was a little tired and hungover, so i wasnt very chipper on the phone which im afraid sent the wrong signal. anyway, i asked him if he wanted to do something the next day and he said sure. i told him to give me a call. he didnt call. that was four days ago. i really like him and would like to see him again, but i feel like i shouldnt call, i dont want to seem like a cuckoo! im just afraid that my flaky attitude made me seem indifferent. anyhoo..... how long should i wait before i give up on him calling? i feel like the biggest doofus of all time but i need an opinion.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I'm going to say that your attitude didn't have anything to do with it. He got what he wanted - sex...and now he's gone. I say drop it or you're going to end up looking desperate. First off, it's hardly ever a good thing when a woman chases a man. Second, bad idea to sleep with him so soon. Guys value it more if they have to chase it and it's not dropped in their laps so easily.
Island Girl Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I'm going to say that your attitude didn't have anything to do with it. He got what he wanted - sex...and now he's gone. I say drop it or you're going to end up looking desperate. First off, it's hardly ever a good thing when a woman chases a man. Second, bad idea to sleep with him so soon. Guys value it more if they have to chase it and it's not dropped in their laps so easily. Completely agree with all of the above. Ten fold. And for the life of me -- yes chasing is a bad idea -- but if you were going to make the mistake and call him I CAN NOT understand why you compounded the problem with making the call when you felt under the weather.?! No you shouldn't call him again. You should expect that he isn't interested and will not call or put in any effort at all ever. IF by some miracle he does be skeptical and operate with the assumption he is seeking you for a booty call. A guy who is truly interested in you will always wait for sex. He'll want to spend time with you and he WILL call. A guy who doesn't call isn't worth chasing because he'll be looking for easy sex and when you call him and put in all the effort he won't respect you. Then once you give it to him it doesn't spark more interest -- quite the opposite in fact. So you just threw a whole lot of thought, time, and effort into a black hole. I am sorry that this has to be such bad news. But maybe you'll learn from this and won't repeat the same mistakes again.
prettybaby Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I kind of agree with the above but I must also add that your phoning etiquette in this situation was extremely inefficient. -1- He asked you to call. -2- You told him to call you instead. -3- He didn't call (how long did you wait anyway? Was it only a day?) -4- So you ended up calling him anyway ... when you were tired and hungover. -5- He agreed to meet up with you the next day -6- And then, here comes the part I don't understand at all: You told him to call you back ... Uhm, why? Why didn't you set up an exact time and place right then? Why did you ask him to call you back about this when, logically, it should have all been set up during that very same phone call? The guy clearly can't be bothered at this point, and I'm not saying you're missing out because we don't know anything about him, but it's something to keep in mind next time you meet someone. The whole back & forth thing can come across as frustrating to some people...
xpaperxcutx Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I kind of agree with the above but I must also add that your phoning etiquette in this situation was extremely inefficient. -1- He asked you to call. -2- You told him to call you instead. -3- He didn't call (how long did you wait anyway? Was it only a day?) -4- So you ended up calling him anyway ... when you were tired and hungover. -5- He agreed to meet up with you the next day -6- And then, here comes the part I don't understand at all: You told him to call you back ... Uhm, why? Why didn't you set up an exact time and place right then? Why did you ask him to call you back about this when, logically, it should have all been set up during that very same phone call? The guy clearly can't be bothered at this point, and I'm not saying you're missing out because we don't know anything about him, but it's something to keep in mind next time you meet someone. The whole back & forth thing can come across as frustrating to some people... All very good observations. Sometimes playing hard to get will get you nowhere. But in this case, not only was the guy not to be bothered, he simply wanted you, the OP, to do all the work " chasing" instead of lifting his own fingers.
BCCA Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 i met a guy last week and we went out. We went out again a few days later and had outstanding sex. the next day he told me to call him later. i told him to call me, because he told me he had some things to do. he didnt call, so i called him. i was a little tired and hungover, so i wasnt very chipper on the phone which im afraid sent the wrong signal. anyway, i asked him if he wanted to do something the next day and he said sure. i told him to give me a call. he didnt call. that was four days ago. i really like him and would like to see him again, but i feel like i shouldnt call, i dont want to seem like a cuckoo! im just afraid that my flaky attitude made me seem indifferent. anyhoo..... how long should i wait before i give up on him calling? i feel like the biggest doofus of all time but i need an opinion. This is all I needed to read. You've known him less than a week, and slept with him. In a guys mind, that means youre doing that with everyone, and he isnt a special person. Furthermore, you're giving up the one thing that keeps guys interested in pursuing right off the bat. I highly recomend that no women sleep with a guy that youve been on less than 3 actual dates with. I usually tell my friends it should take at least a month. The pursuit of sex is the thing that captivates a man the most initially, and when you dont even know him for longer than a week...he's going to immediately peg you as a booty call.
zicke Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 This is all I needed to read. You've known him less than a week, and slept with him. In a guys mind, that means youre doing that with everyone, and he isnt a special person. Furthermore, you're giving up the one thing that keeps guys interested in pursuing right off the bat. I highly recomend that no women sleep with a guy that youve been on less than 3 actual dates with. I usually tell my friends it should take at least a month. The pursuit of sex is the thing that captivates a man the most initially, and when you dont even know him for longer than a week...he's going to immediately peg you as a booty call. Gawd, I am so sick of this crap. Yes, she's a whore for sleeping with a guy on the first date. All women are whores who sleep with guys on first dates. We get it. If some guy is going to think that because I or some woman is doing it with everyone all over town because I slept with him on the first date, I don't want him. He can take his hypocritical ways onto his next target. He's obviously sleeping with chicks on the first date as well, and it would imply he didn't think we were special enough to wait for anyways. This really pissed me off to hear this crap spouted out to women. As if sex is something dirty and that women are dirty for wanting to see if the guy is any good in bed in the first place. Hyporcrite.
BCCA Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Wow, struck a nerve here... I'm sorry you dont like hearing this, but a mans initial interest in a woman is purely physical. He doesnt walk up to talk you because he thinks you might like the same bands, or enjoy the same kind of coffee; its 100% because of how you look. Thats life. Next, his motivation for pursuing is also based on his desire to finally win you over and get you into bed. When you give him the 'prize' right away, yes, he is going to lose interest in putting a lot of effort into the pursuit. I'm sorry you dont like it, but calling me names isnt going to change it. YES, if you sleep with a guy you like and have only gone out once, there is a 99.9% chance youre going to only be a booty call. Have all the s**t fits about it you want, it is what it is.
oscakool Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Eh, from a guy perspective and from my experience, women do all the chasing. Things get messed up when the guy has to chase because that's needy. Don't expect a guy to chase, ever, especially a guy that gets girls. The guys that chase are the needy ones that don't have women. My advice for you is to text him. Don't get caught up in phone tag. Texting is the way to go now, it's short and simple. Send him a text, see what he's been up to, and things will get back on their feet again. Also, there is nothing wrong with having sex early like that. As you said, it was outstanding. Having sex quick is always fun. However, if you're looking to date a guy, don't have sex so soon. Make him more committed to you before you two shag in the loveshack.
BCCA Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Eh, from a guy perspective and from my experience, women do all the chasing. Things get messed up when the guy has to chase because that's needy. Don't expect a guy to chase, ever, especially a guy that gets girls. The guys that chase are the needy ones that don't have women. My advice for you is to text him. Don't get caught up in phone tag. Texting is the way to go now, it's short and simple. Send him a text, see what he's been up to, and things will get back on their feet again. Also, there is nothing wrong with having sex early like that. As you said, it was outstanding. Having sex quick is always fun. However, if you're looking to date a guy, don't have sex so soon. Make him more committed to you before you two shag in the loveshack. I think its pretty obvious that women should make a guy work to get laid, or accept that he was good for a roll in the hay and move on. What I see a lot more of is women sleeping with a guy right away to get his attention, and then they are all bent out of shape when he high tails it out right after, or doesnt want to go on actual dates anymore. There are a lot of things about life that I dont like, either, but pissing and moaning about the way they are really solves nothing. But I guess Im just a hypocrite...
Cora Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Ughh why does this have to be true? I don't disagree....it just sucks! I don't even know why I'm even considering going out again with the guy I met if I have already been labeled a booty call. It's like no matter what you do you can't rectify the situation. What's done is done and you will never be looked at the same by that guy! UGHHH
BCCA Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Ughh why does this have to be true? I don't disagree....it just sucks! I don't even know why I'm even considering going out again with the guy I met if I have already been labeled a booty call. It's like no matter what you do you can't rectify the situation. What's done is done and you will never be looked at the same by that guy! UGHHH If this helps at all, it happens to guys, too. I remember being TOTALLY into a girl, and we had a few drinks and ended up having sex on the 2nd date, and she wasnt really interested in anything but hanging out late at night and getting it on after that. Asked her where she saw things going, and she said 'the bedroom or nowhere' Ouch. I agree it sucks, but it is what it is.
MeMyself&I Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Hi Alice, Most on here I agree with. Don't contact him. Or if you do, one last "It's Alice just wanted to say hi" keep it light. I'm in a similar situation. Except I saw the guy a bit more and off and on for about 2 1/2 to 3 mths. But I wouldn't consider any of our meetings dates. More hanging out. When I finally slept with him, 2 1/2 weeks ago, he totally blew me off. I sent one text in the middle of the week right after we were together. He has not responded and I will not be contacting him again. I gave him the benefit of the doubt by sending one text to start communication and he didn't even deem me worthy of a response. Does it hurt......ya, it does. But is he the flaky, loser, lying type guy I want in my life. NO. He told me we'd be in touch. He acted like I was important to him (although I never thought we were bf/gf or exclusive). He said all the right things. Some guys are good at it (and girls too). I was played! Chasing the person isn't going to make it better. Like I said one more text or call but then I would consider it up to him. Sorry this happens. I agree with Cora, it sucks.
Chicago_Guy Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Gawd, I am so sick of this crap. Yes, she's a whore for sleeping with a guy on the first date. All women are whores who sleep with guys on first dates. We get it. If some guy is going to think that because I or some woman is doing it with everyone all over town because I slept with him on the first date, I don't want him. He can take his hypocritical ways onto his next target. He's obviously sleeping with chicks on the first date as well, and it would imply he didn't think we were special enough to wait for anyways. This really pissed me off to hear this crap spouted out to women. As if sex is something dirty and that women are dirty for wanting to see if the guy is any good in bed in the first place. Hyporcrite. BCCA is correct, regardless of whether you want to believe it. A lot of guys do assume that a woman who has sex with them right away has done the same thing with many other guys. Some women push for this right away.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I'm going to say that your attitude didn't have anything to do with it. He got what he wanted - sex...and now he's gone. I say drop it or you're going to end up looking desperate. First off, it's hardly ever a good thing when a woman chases a man. Second, bad idea to sleep with him so soon. Guys value it more if they have to chase it and it's not dropped in their laps so easily. Completely agree with all of the above. Ten fold. And for the life of me -- yes chasing is a bad idea -- but if you were going to make the mistake and call him I CAN NOT understand why you compounded the problem with making the call when you felt under the weather.?! No you shouldn't call him again. You should expect that he isn't interested and will not call or put in any effort at all ever. IF by some miracle he does be skeptical and operate with the assumption he is seeking you for a booty call. A guy who is truly interested in you will always wait for sex. He'll want to spend time with you and he WILL call. A guy who doesn't call isn't worth chasing because he'll be looking for easy sex and when you call him and put in all the effort he won't respect you. Then once you give it to him it doesn't spark more interest -- quite the opposite in fact. So you just threw a whole lot of thought, time, and effort into a black hole. I am sorry that this has to be such bad news. But maybe you'll learn from this and won't repeat the same mistakes again. I agree with both of these posts, 1000%. Nothing much more to add.
sugarmomma Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Gawd, I am so sick of this crap. Yes, she's a whore for sleeping with a guy on the first date. All women are whores who sleep with guys on first dates. We get it. If some guy is going to think that because I or some woman is doing it with everyone all over town because I slept with him on the first date, I don't want him. He can take his hypocritical ways onto his next target. He's obviously sleeping with chicks on the first date as well, and it would imply he didn't think we were special enough to wait for anyways. This really pissed me off to hear this crap spouted out to women. As if sex is something dirty and that women are dirty for wanting to see if the guy is any good in bed in the first place. Hyporcrite. The trick to sleeping with a man the first day is to NOT call him afterwards. Leave it at that. A ONE NIGHT STAND. STOP TRYING TO PARLAY THAT INTO A RELATIONSHIP. AFTER SLEEPING WITH A MAN ON THE FIRST DATE DO NOT CALL HIM. LET HIM CONTACT YOU AND MAKE SURE IT IS ON YOUR TERMS. NOT CALLING HIM WILL CAUSE HIM THE SAME ANXIETY AND UNCERTAINTY THAT A WOMAN FEELS WHEN SHE DOESN'T RECEIVE A CALL. THEY HAVE INSECURITIES TOO!! MY XH WAS A ONE NIGHT STAND AND IT LASTED 6 YEARS!!! SO ITS NOT THE FACT THAT SHE SLEPT WITH HIM BUT THAT SHE PURSUED AFTERWARDS!! THAT IS A NO NO!!
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