iwanttolive Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Hi everyone, I believe we all want our partners to be a good helpmate to us. I consider a good helpmate as someone who's mature, wise, street-smart and knows how to do the right thing at the right time. I've a problem. I'm exactly the opposite of a good helpmate. I never knew how to give valuable advice to my partner. I'm also extremely careless and clumsy. I feel like i'm a burden to my partner. If I travel overseas, I'd probably lose my way and cause frustration to my partner. I make illogical and impractical decisions. Basically i feel like a useless person and I cause lotsa frustration to my bf. Is there any hope for me?
lookAlive Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Strangely put thread, seems like there is a lot going through your mind. Yes, there is hope for you. And it comes from you first. If you guys are getting frustrated with each other, or maybe as it sounds more on your end at present, let your partner know that you are making a conscious effort to be less of the "burden" you are describing. And don't just say that, actually do make a conscious effort.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Just because somebody shares their problems with you doesn't mean they want to be fixed. This was an earth-shattering revelation to my BF, apparently. I told him that sometimes all I want is somebody to blow off steam to - somebody who'll listen without judgment and to empathize. They don't even have to AGREE with my choices, or solve my problem - just to listen, and say, "Yeah, I totally get why you feel like that. That sucks," or something similar. It means the WORLD to me when he does that for me. I had an issue yesterday and I prefaced my blow-out to him with, "You don't even need to do anything - I just need you to listen." He said okay and I went on like a 5-minute tirade about what was going on. LOL So...who is judging your ability as a "helpmate?" Is it YOU? Or has somebody in relationship said something to you? I mean, we're not all therapists - I don't understand why anyone would expect you to have the exact right answer to everything. But I do know with more life experience, the answers do come easier. And NOBODY is always going to ALWAYS have the answer. I admire a person more if they have the courage to say they don't know the answer.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Do you mind if I ask how old you are? The illogical or impractical choices could be tied to age. But you live and learn. Hell, I'm 29 and I STILL make sometimes illogical and impractical choices. How are we to learn and grow in this life if we're perfect all the time?
Author iwanttolive Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Thanks for your thoughts guys.. Soulsearch, i'm 28 I'm actually feeling insecure as I thought being a good helpmate is one of the most important qualities in a relationship. Without that, what do I have to offer to my partner? Houseworks? He can do himself. Tender loving care? Yeah, but ultimately he will need more than just a TLC if faced with a challenging situation. Oh yeah, one of my frens mentioned that a quality she looks for in a guy is intellectual compatibility. I feel I totally suck at this and my partner will eventually grow bored with me.
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