lookAlive Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Hello to all, I'm new here, I've read through some threads and it seems like there's some decent people here willing to give out genuine advice so I hope you can do the same for me. I'm in college and now on summer break, and met this girl during the school year who I let myself get a little invested in. We met one night at a party, I introduced myself and we talked for an hour or so, hit it off from the start, kissed and danced for a bit towards the end of the night and walked her back to her dorm with kind of a mutual excitement to hang out again. Things went great, I still say that night was the best of the night. Bliss kinda, y'know? We had spring break the following week but I was sure to ask her to see if she wanted to grab lunch. So we went on 3 or so lunch dates over the course of a month. I feel like we kind of knew we were interested in each other, but I always felt like I was initiating everything to hang out. Most of the contact we made was through texting. Now I understand texting is super convenient for people and I do admit I love to text people and texting girls can sometimes be interesting, but man, texting can really be a pain when you are trying to send a message with the perfect words, ones that won't be misinterpreted somehow. For the most part I didn't run into any trouble there but when I could tell she was holding back for a couple weeks, I got a little concerned. I was trying to meet up with her on the weekend so we could mingle amongst our friends at a party or something. So one night I basically got a message "maybe we'll happen to see each other out there" when I knew I was interested in seeing her specifically. This is where things started to get interesting. I went to a house party where I knew she would probably be, so we could happen to "run into each other". I saw her, and talked to some friends before directly approaching her. One of her friends approached me and we started talking. She said "You guys talk through text, but not like a ton, so she doesn't know if its coming off as a booty call or not". To which I quickly tried to explain that wasn't what I was interested but rather I thought she was really cool, not too mention pretty cute. I was worried about this because I didn't want to text her a lot initially to come off desperate, but knew it could turn the other way on me. My friend mentioned that sometimes girls will pull themselves back after a night out and a hook up. So I talked to her at that party and somehow ended up leaving the party with 10 of her friends. 11 girls 1 guy, wingman-less. I knew I was being tested. I met a lot of her friends and knew I was giving off a pretty good impression. By this point I was pretty much falling for this girl pretty hard, I always tell myself to never get my hopes up too high but inevitably, do. So I tried meeting up with her a couple more times, caught up with her a few times, other times it fell through, so I was still feeling good but somewhat unsure, this about 3 weeks or so in. So it was getting towards the end of the year with only a 3-4 weeks of school left so I figured I felt like we needed to have 1 more night that was up to par with the night we met to really be sure something was there. So my original plan was to meet up with her on the weekend at some party, but I knew that was terrible idea and could potentially come off as a hook up or something. So I figured, you know what its time to step up and show this girl a nice night. So I sent her a text during the week basically saying "Hey, I was thinking, what do you think of getting dinner downtown fri/sat night and then catching up with our friends afterwards to go out?".. Just a friendly dinner, no strings attached. I got a text back saying "that sounds really fun but I don't know if I'm ready for that, i'm sorry". I was kind of confused and down and out at the same time, so I replied back "im really sorry if that came off the wrong way but I've had a lot of fun hanging out with you and don't want you to think I'm taking this too fast or anything, let me know if you want to talk about it more". I got a text back the next day saying "sorry about last night, I had a lot of fun hanging out with you too but I think I just want to focus on friends and school especially since its getting towards the end of the year, but I definitely want to stay friends." I was bummed, but I could agree with her to an extent, it was getting towards the end of the year, and going into a distanced relationship over the summer before returning to school could be rough. I saw her friend the next night who gave me some interesting insight. She talked about how she'd always respond late to my texts because she was thinking of the right things to say, which was somewhat reassuring. She also told me "all of the girls were telling her to go for it, because she could regret it in the future", so basically it sounded she liked me a fair amount but had a hesistance to commit. Yeah, it was an unfortunate situation and I was bummed about it pretty hard for a few days. In the 3-4 weeks remaining in school I knew I still liked this girl a lot, but that I shouldn't let it get in the way of me meeting other people and still having a good time. I rebounded with a couple hook ups but thats all they were, not much past that. I talked to the previously mentioned girl off and on as school winded down and tried for one more lunch meetup but she sounded very busy. I saw her a couple times before we both left for home and chatted for a bit and then sent her a text wishing her a good break and got a message back. So we're on pretty good terms for now, but I am wondering what the next step is. I really feel like giving her a random call at some point this summer to catch up and maybe have some solid conversation. Maybe I'll send her a message via facebook/text or something first to catch up. Summer break has been nice to relax from all of this type of stuff but I want to see how she's doing and such. I know making bets on the future isn't always the safest things to do, but I would love to be on a basis where I could randomly call this girl during the summer every couple weeks and just have good conversation before going back to school. I left out a lot of trivial details but if you think you need more information, definitely ask. I appreciate anyone who read this wall of text and hope you understand that I wouldn't be writing this at 2:45 in the morning if I didn't think I had a good chance with this person I care a lot about. Thank you, another guy searching for the perfect girl
MineThatBird Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 First off, there are three types of women. Yes, no and maybe. From an outsider's perspective, this girl is a maybe girl because she declined you for dinner. Women will bend over backwards if they're into you and I'm not sure if she's as willing to go as far as you are. Despite my better judgment, I'll bite. If I were in your shoes, I'd keep it light and playful with this one. There are a MILLION things you could say and very few will illicit a proper response. Because Facebook is so open/ public, grab your phone, text her and say something like: "Are we playing the quiet game? Because if we are, you're really good at it! ;-)" That's one of my favorites and has NEVER FAILED me. Remember, keep your messages LIGHT and PLAYFUL and you should be alright. You're welcome!
oscakool Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Sounds like you really like this girl. I'll be honest from my experience with college and helping out guys, once a girl puts a guy in the friends zone, it's really difficult to get out of it. The advice I recommend is that over summer, you go out and have fun with your friends, and have a great time. Meeting new women is the quickest way to get over a girl. You don't want to be stuck in the position of liking 1 girl for 6 months when you could have met many other girls during that 6 month period. Take my advice and move on. This doesn't mean that you throw her out of your life. Stay friends with her because she may have some cute friends
iwanttolive Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 From a girl point of view, I suggest you continue to text her once in a while. This would assure her that you are serious about her but are willing to take a step back and give her space and not pressuring her to be with you. I think she's a great gal and will appreciate your sweet gestures. Am not sure, but I believe we gals invest more feelings and emotions than guys when we fall in love and so we hurt really badly if we are betrayed. She will only commit when she believes she can trust you. Just a thought.
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