The Gurrette Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 For my other gurettes: The one's who asked for me to ressurect these...man, it's been a while. LOVE YOU! There are a few types of men one will encounter. With each type comes the pros and cons. Today, I discuss the GUIDO. 1: The Guido aka "He thinks he's sexy, he thinks he's hot" Description: He spends more time in the "bat-room" than you do. He is a shop-a-holic. No joke, price tags are no option. He spends 24/7 at the gym and goes to the tanning salon at least once a week. He is also a huge manscaper- probably more so than you! He almost always drives a beamer or something sporty. He works in the biz with his dad, or doesn't work at all. You can find him fist pumping on the weekends at your local club or "down the shore" in the summer. He is a mamma's boy. He always smells like he walked out of a Dolce and Gabanna cologne advertisement. He swears he is dead sexy and expects you to know how "replaceable" you are. Pro: They are pretty to look at. You know you want to date at least one in your lifetime... If you are a partier, you enjoy the fist pumping & clubbing it up every weekend. He will most likely grab your ass at least three times in night and will trophy you around when you go out. He will make you feel like a Barbie doll. He'll keep you on your toes to always look good. His smell will lure you in, his body will hook you. You love how people look at you both when you walk in the doorway of a new place....you know you're both sexy. Con: While he's peeping you; he's peeping Amy- the big boobed, clariol blonde at the end of the bar who he saw driving the Mercedes when you were entering the club. He is always looking for better (richer)...or hotter. He cheats. They normally do. I have found one exception to that rule. He will not pick up his cell phone if he is out with his boys (he will give you some excuse). He will always compare you to his mother. Time with him is usually limited (I mean, the man has to look good and that takes up time!). They are usually very self centered in bed. You always have to be one step ahead or he will destroy your self confidence in who you are... break ups with guidos are usually ugly. They usally end in trash talking, cat fighting, inappropriate pics on the net or a blood bath. What to do with a guido? If you really dig him, go for it. Make sure to always be one step ahead, however. Never get his number, always give him yours (put the ball in his court). When you first start dating him, ignore him. I don't mean REALLY ignore him but don't pick up all of his calls or answer back all of his texts in one seconds timing. It is okay if you are busy. You should not be hanging out by the phone or computer waiting for his next move. He is not the center of the world. Girls forget to be themselves. They forget that there was a reason for his approaching you (there was something about you he liked.... and no it's not always looks, even in the case of the guido). Always look your best, however. Not for him, but for yourself and the guy next to him who can't take his eyes off of you (and this drives him insane). Remember he may think you are replaceable but you will make him realize just how hard it is to do that with you. Get in good with the family, your first priority is the MOM. She loves you, he loves you. She hates you, you're gone. In the sack; if he is being self centered, do something that will make him feel like a douchebag...do his job for him. Make yourself feel good and he will look like a lost puppy (it questions his manhood). PS- don't give it up the first night...he will think that this is "what you do" and will hit it & leave it (or place you on the booty call list and keep you hanging for a bit). Do NOT place pictures of the two of you on facebook, myspace, your phone..early on, etc. It only shows him how you're reeled in- hook, line and sinker. The guido gets bored very easily. Make him work. If he knows he's got you early on, he won't work for it any more. Call him out if you catch him lying. Don't make a big deal about it, but call him out on it. Remember the tend to cheat. Baby this, sweetie that, and those little flirty smiley faces will mean absolutely nothing if he's doing it to three other women simultaneously. You know a cheater. Stories don't add up, you get into drama over him, he makes excuses for stupid things all the time. The problem is that most women find them so "hot", they try to look past it. GET OVER IT and find someone just as hot who won't make you feel like you're #2. It's simple, you just have to get past the hot body trance. ****Dating is not about rules (I know that contra-indicates what I use to say ;P) but IS about wise choices. You want to have a great time with the person but not get your heat broken or your reputation destroyed. I made this one G-rated LoL. If you want that "other" type of advice on the guido...message me --The Gurrette
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 For my other gurettes: The one's who asked for me to ressurect these...man, it's been a while. LOVE YOU! I HAD to have missed SOMETHING. WTH is a "gurette," and WHO here asked you to resurrect these? I'm not trying to be rude, though it may come across that way. I'm just confused. It's nice to know where somebody gets their info before taking their advice at face value. Maybe you could fill us in. (Not that I'm interested in "guidos" - they are the least attractive to me, actually. I once told one of these guys that I could never date a guy prettier than me. LOL)
Lights Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I HAD to have missed SOMETHING. WTH is a "gurette," and WHO here asked you to resurrect these? I'm not trying to be rude, though it may come across that way. I'm just confused. It's nice to know where somebody gets their info before taking their advice at face value. Maybe you could fill us in. I think a lot of the recent posters are essentially some sort of marketing-spam that are disguising themselves more effectively.
oscakool Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 The fact that some woman are actually into the insceure new jersey trash known as the Guido disgusts me. Also, Guidos don't think they're sexy. They're extremely insecure which is why they try SO hard to look good.
Author The Gurrette Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 HI! No I am not marketing LoL and you are absolutely right when you say "you want to know before you take advice at face value". I was on here a while long while back and honestly just wound up forgetting my log in info. I had to recreate a new account. I posted this because today I was out with a friend of mine and she was had the most insane story about these "pretty" boys and she is virtually destroyed (in term of reputation and self confidence). I like your quote about "dating someone prettier than me" and that is actually what we were talking about. I just feel that sometime women are so blinded by a mans looks and honestly just overlook everything else.
oscakool Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 It's because some women are insecure like men. Let the insecure hotties date the insecure guidos/bros/douchers. Leave the hot, intelligent women to me
mogul Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 WOW, i have no idea wtf a "guido or gurrette" is. While reading this, i first thought it was an ex or a girl i had known in the past describing a situation with me. This article has my car (its bimmer not beamer btw) down to the cologne. Also, many accuse me of metro, which sounds alot like what you described in your post as being very in to myself and shops alot. I don't tan... I'm not sure what your intention is with this post, or if it was meant to criticize us men. Not all of your "guidos" cheat. I do not cheat, and i treat women with respect.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I think a lot of the recent posters are essentially some sort of marketing-spam that are disguising themselves more effectively. Yeah - that's kind of what I was thinking. I was waiting for the "hook." The link to Gurrette's blog that will solve everybody's dating problems for the paltry sum of $39.95. You, too, can score a hottie. HI! No I am not marketing LoL and you are absolutely right when you say "you want to know before you take advice at face value". I was on here a while long while back and honestly just wound up forgetting my log in info. I had to recreate a new account. I posted this because today I was out with a friend of mine and she was had the most insane story about these "pretty" boys and she is virtually destroyed (in term of reputation and self confidence). I like your quote about "dating someone prettier than me" and that is actually what we were talking about. I just feel that sometime women are so blinded by a mans looks and honestly just overlook everything else. Well, if you truly can say you're not getting ready to sell us something, then you might want to drop the used-car salesman cologne you're wearing. We're not all stupid. And I'd say more often than not - MEN are more likely to be the ones "blinded by beauty" than women are....until they get burned, that is. I saw past "beauty" in a man a long time ago. The most shallow ones I met, that treated women the ****tiest, were the prettiest ones. I have story after story after story after story. No offense against you, Mogul, but pretty boys have been painted in a pretty poor light because 90% of them treating women like dirt. (One's married to my sister, one played a good friend of mine, etc.) Oh...and the question has still not been answered - WHAT is a Gurrette? I would have figured just your screen name, but you also greeted your "fellow" gurrettes.
EddieN Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Excuse me for pondering, but I don't see how a woman could find a guy attractive that a) has more gel in his hair than water in his body, b) has orange skin, c) has double diamond earrings, d) wears shirts that are meant for 8 year old boys, e) wreaks of horrible colognes, and f) has a diet of strictly whey protein and gallon jugs of water.
Taramere Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I haven't heard of a Gurrette before, but I think I understand (from pictures I've seen) what a Guido is....and that these are particularly prevalent in the New Jersey area for some reason. Are Gurettes the female counterpart? Gurrette - I've no experience of New Jersey Guidos, but I thought your post was a lot of fun to read. Either you copied it, or you're a professional writer.....or you should be a professional writer. Thanks for taking the time to entertain us.
shadowplay Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Meh. As somebody of partially Italian descent, I always find this "guido" nonsense mildly offensive. I know there's a certain type -- I've observed it myself -- but I wish there was a word for it that wasn't so obviously targeted at Italian-Americans. It doesn't bother me so much when I hear other Italian-Americans poking fun at these types, but it's slightly disturbing when other people do. Every ethnicity has annoying types, but can you imagine people getting away with talking about other groups like Jews this way? Imagine there was an equivalent term "Hebes" for stingy Jewish guys who live in NJ. That would never fly.
Soul Bear Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Gouki was right about the massive man bashing that goes on....
amaysngrace Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I don't call them guidos. Sometimes I do but mostly I call them Tony Baloneys. I'm from NJ and I'm half Italian. The Tony Baloneys come from South Philly though. Or Washington Township.
NJAries Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Meh. As somebody of partially Italian descent, I always find this "guido" nonsense mildly offensive. I know there's a certain type -- I've observed it myself -- but I wish there was a word for it that wasn't so obviously targeted at Italian-Americans. It doesn't bother me so much when I hear other Italian-Americans poking fun at these types, but it's slightly disturbing when other people do. Every ethnicity has annoying types, but can you imagine people getting away with talking about other groups like Jews this way? Imagine there was an equivalent term "Hebes" for stingy Jewish guys who live in NJ. That would never fly. I'm Italian and from NJ (obviously) and I'm slightly offended as well. While I like to take care myself (i.e. work out, dress nice, drive a nice car) I'm in no way shape or form a Guido. I work out a few days a week (but I'm only 170lbs, not "jacked and tan"), wear jeans and band tshirts (metal/hardcore), and drive a performance import car (AWD/turbo, you figure it out). Does that sound like you're typical guido? Think not. There's plenty of Mexicans (literally) in Jersey that were following this trend for a while as well (blowouts, etc). Just saying, while there are plenty of Italian-American "guidos" in Jersey, not all of us are. -Aries BTW they're called "Bennys."
fishtaco Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I'm Italian and from NJ (obviously) and I'm slightly offended as well. While I like to take care myself (i.e. work out, dress nice, drive a nice car) I'm in no way shape or form a Guido. I work out a few days a week (but I'm only 170lbs, not "jacked and tan"), wear jeans and band tshirts (metal/hardcore), and drive a performance import car (AWD/turbo, you figure it out). Does that sound like you're typical guido? Think not. There's plenty of Mexicans (literally) in Jersey that were following this trend for a while as well (blowouts, etc). Just saying, while there are plenty of Italian-American "guidos" in Jersey, not all of us are. -Aries BTW they're called "Bennys." I found a picture of NJAries and his buddies!! http://rhymeculture.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/guidos_1.jpg Just kidding, I was just messing with you.
EddieN Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I'm from Jersey too, but honestly I see more wannabe guidos than legit Italian guidos (I'm part Italian too and I'm not offended at all...don't get what's wrong with the word 'guido.') I think you need to go to Staten Island for those.
Recommended Posts