Patrice Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 After two decades of marriage ... no cheating .. just mental instability on the husband's part that started to become abusive. Anyone have similar experiences?
hopesndreams Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 What kind of abuse and how long has it been going on?
Author Patrice Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 emotional ... probably 16 years .. I hung on for the kids .. they're grown then it turned on me.
Jonesey Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 If you want advice, you need to provide more details on the situation!
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 If possible, have no contact with stbx (limit it to business regarding the children's stuff, like college, etc) and enroll in some sort of counseling program (there are usually low-cost programs available if your needs are appropriate). You'll likely benefit greatly from counseling. IME, psychological damage and a skewed perspective regarding men are the biggest risks of long-term emotional abuse and/or neglect. I would counsel avoiding intimate relationships until substantial counseling has taken place. Even though, right now, you will assert that the entire negative experience was your stbx's "fault", you played a role and had responsibility too. The success or failure of a M is both spouse's responsibility. Find yours, learn from it and move on. Be aware your children are likely affected. They may benefit from counseling as well. Keep that in mind if abberant behaviors pop up. Best wishes! As has been mentioned, more details allow for more accurate assessment and better support.
Author Patrice Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 The kids are all okay and out of the house .. the more emotionally abusive stuff began when they were out and they didn't witness it. For the past five years I systematically emotionally disengaged from him, so although I know I'm hurting and constantly questioning my role in this, I don't come up with much that I've done wrong. He has gotten steadily worse for the past two years and as I've disengaged the situation to come to a head. He has agreed to a divorce with the grounds of Cruel and Inhumane Treatment although I know he doesn't even understand what he has done. I'm finding it difficult to cut off communication with him .. he has written me 20 emails today at work .. usually about money and baseless accusations. I'm an attractive and highly educated woman .. what is more confusing is the number of men who seem to want to jump into something when they know I have some things to sort out. Seems to me, anyone who truly cares about me, would wait. Any thoughts?
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 OP, you've been married a long time. Men have always been like that (jumpers) because they know what works with women. Those of us who don't jump generally get jumped by the jumpers. Think about the psychology of that. This is why I recommend counseling. It will all become clear in time. Even someone who is very intelligent and highly educated can benefit. In fact, I think even more so than someone with lesser qualities in those areas. I have a feeling now that you have the resources to afford it. Hope so. Great use of resources
Author Patrice Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 I'll see what I can find out there. One thing for sure, I KNOW the marriage is over and I KNOW that I won't go back .. so at least I know what direction to take. Thank you!
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