Nikki Sahagin Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 This is just a question but what do you do when you have several friends in common and several events you are both mutually invited to i.e. birthdays etc when you are trying to cope with a breakup and trying to impliment NC. I mean if you saw each other are you meant to ignore them? Be civil but otherwise distant? Get chatting IF it happens/feels natural? What is the 'etiquette'? Should you even go at all even IF its a birthday. I mean it feels silly to not go somewhere because of ONE person, but is it really better to just avoid them like the plague? Just wondering because in July there are several birthdays coming up and I know he's going, I just haven't decided whether i'm going to or not....
xxSRMxx Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Well friday me and my ex both went to the same birthday party, and it ended in me getting drunk, us arguing, me looking needy and crying infront of many!! U can imagine how i felt sat morning! However, I'm in early days, I think it depends on what stage u are in getting over that person. I dont think u should show up if things are still sore and u have the risk of seeing him/her with there new partner or etc. Its jus too raw and no point in putting yourself through it. While people say not to isolate yaself, I personally have decided to take a three month break from the ''scene'' we both mix in. We have tons of mutual friends but I need to sort my head out, were both invited to the same christening of our friends baby in september, All will be clear and i will turn up lookin amazing. TAKE THAT A**HOLE! It all depends in where u are in the break up hun, if u feel strong enough then go. Be civil, say hi, try to avoid watching there every move. Oh and if theres alcohol available, drink sensibly!!!
kizik Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Nikki, if he's gonna be there, don't go to the B-day party. In a few months, maybe then you'll be ready. Right now, the wounds are too fresh. Do something else with your gal pals that doesn't involve seeing that douchebag of an ex.
stefspets Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 If you're serious about NC, I would skip the parties, at least in the immediate future. If some time has passed (a few months maybe) and you feel like you can handle being civil and light then go, but I wouldn't try to engage him in anything more than pleasantries. I skipped some things I thought my ex would go to in the months immediately following our breakup, and I am glad I did. I never wanted to see him again after our breakup though, and we've never spoken since (it's been a year and a half now).
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 There's no set "etiquette". It's up to you how you choose to behave, whether you avoid it, are friendly or ignore him. I do advise that you make no decisions now. It's over a month away. If you consider how far you've already come, you'll probably be in a slightly or greatly different frame of mind, by the time July rolls around.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Nikki, if he's gonna be there, don't go to the B-day party. In a few months, maybe then you'll be ready. Right now, the wounds are too fresh. Do something else with your gal pals that doesn't involve seeing that douchebag of an ex. lol thankyou Kizik One thing that is hard for me to avoid is....one of our friends is going away to uni....and I would LOVE to go to that to give him a proper goodbye, but if my ex goes I might not be able to....and I was looking forward to it :S
TheBigCow Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 What about arranging to say goodbye to this friend at a different date, over coffee or something? I think for everyone there is some desire to be able to 'beat' these situations, turn up and act cool, not feel like you have to keep glancing at your ex or make an intentional effort to not look his way.
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