missdependant Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I'm over my ex, at least I think I am. I dated him for a very unpleasant three years; he had a serious porn addiction (I don't mean occasionally watching it, I mean every time my back was turned), he didn't have anything nice to say most of the time, it was belittling or degrading.. he cheated and wanted an open relationship, which I stupidly agreed to in order to try and save our relationship (I never slept with anyone else, but he had two other girlfriends), I wasn't allowed to have friends, and according to him I had a hidden agenda in everything I did; including going to school.. Yeah, not a good relationship to be in. After I'd had enough I left him behind in Arizona and moved to Colorado. He didn't get over me for the first five months I was here. i felt like I got over him within a month; and honestly it was refreshing to be single after my terrible relationship with him. After about ten months I fell into a relationship with my current BF. I had been doing some casual dating with other guys before him, but he struck me as the kind of guy that I'd want to be long-term with. He is much different than my ex; he still compliments me, even a year and a half after being together; he tells me he loves me, he's happy about moving on in life, he was very proud when we BOTH graduated from college.. He's a great guy. Anyway, I feel like I was over my ex at most three months after our break up. I was much happier, and I loved being able to be myself. My ex recently contacted me (this is almost 2 years after we broke up, by the way and we have been NC for the majority of that time); I forced NC for a long time because I had NO desire to speak with him, and still don't. In his most recent letter to me, he wanted to tell me that I am a "whore for having a child", "that I'll never amount to anything even with a college degree especially one as useless as psych/sociol", that I'm "too irresponsible to be having a baby", that my "life is pathetic" and that my "boyfriend is a loser". He admitted to checking up on my face book and myspace often to "make sure I'm still alive". He's also demanding $2000 which he claims I owe our old apartment complex for breaking the lease. I don't think he's aware that I ALREADY paid off the entire debt without ANY help from him (which I'd like to add was way less than $2000); quite apparently he's trying to scam some money out of me. The way i see it is that obviously, there are still some feelings there. Otherwise, why would he take the time of day to contact me and say such horrible things? I wasn't very upset. I read the whole e-mail with my boyfriend, and we both laughed about it a little bit. After my boyfriend left for work, I re-read the e-mail and I kind of felt bad; actually I felt really bad... And it's still fresh on my mind. I hate to say it, but I feel very, very sad for him. Guilty, even. How long does it usually take someone to get over their ex? I really thought that by now, he'd be over everything. Maybe he is, and he is having some other problems.. And I thought I was over him too.. but I feel extremely guilty about his emotional state. Does this mean I'm not over him either? Or should I feel bad about this?
lizzylizliz Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Depends, really. I was with a horrible man for 2 years, we were engaged, he beat me and cheated on me, it ended when I caught him in bed with another girl. I wasn't over him for a good month...then met a lovely guy and that completely broke his hold over me. However, that ended, but that's not for now It really does depend on who, and how. One guy took me 3 months to get over, and we were only together for 4! Another guy, I was with 2 1/2 years, and I didn't care at all when I dumped him. I think a lot of it is to do with who does the dumping....personally, I can get over someone if I've dropped the bomb myself, so to speak...sometimes when it's out of the blue, and someone dumps you, even if you kinda expect it, part of it is the losing power, and being rejected that hurts more than the passing of someone who actually wasn't that good for you in any case. But hey, that's just me, and I'm a bit power-hungry myself....
itgirlragdoll Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I have heard that half of the length of the relationship is standard recovery time. for example, if you were with someone for a year, it is normal for it to take around 6 months to be fully ready to date and create new relationships. However, I'd imagine for very long relationships (like 20 year marriages that end in divorce), this may not be true (10 years for recovery would be an awfully long time!). I can say that I was with my ex in a very serious relationship for about two and a half years, and it has been about a year and 2 months since it ended, and he is just starting to get over it. Up until about a month ago he was still trying to contact me even though I asked him multiple times not to. I also should mention that while it took him that long to recover, I was okay within about a month. It probably has a lot to do with who is breaking up with who.
Thornton Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 How can your ex see your MySpace and Facebook anyway? You should change your privacy settings so only your friends can see your pages, and then delete your ex from your friend list if you have not done so already. He has no business checking up on you, and you should be extremely angry that he dared to contact you and say such nasty things. You are well rid of him; he was a cheater, a liar, a porn addict, and a thoroughly unpleasant person, and now he is trying to scam you out of money too. You should not respond to his message at all; simply ignore him and remove all means of communication by blocking him from Facebook/MySpace etc, and even change your email address if he is continually pestering you. Do NOT feel sorry for this man, he doesn't deserve it. Judging by the way he treated you when you were together, he didn't even love you then, so how could he still be in love with you now? Plus if he was in love with you now, he wouldn't say such nasty things to you. He is probably bored and looking for an easy target to amuse himself; maybe his latest girlfriend dumped him or something so he thought he would have a bit of sport with you. Don't rise to the bait; just ignore him and be happy that you have a wonderful boyfriend and a beautiful baby. This man is BAD NEWS and he isn't even worth thinking about - he gave up his right to your sympathy when he treated you like crap, and he is even less worthy of pity after the disgusting things he said in his email.
mr.dream merchant Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 The moment they say they don't want to be with me.
IcemanJB Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 The moment they say they don't want to be with me. Exactly. This is something my ex could never say WHILE we were breaking up. In fact, she said the complete opposite several times. It was confusing as ****. Missdependent, you know my story, so I'll just say even to this day I still have feelings for my ex. Even when I'm with other girls hanging out, my mind will sometimes drift back to her. I THOUGHT I was fine about a month ago; and we agreed to meet up for coffee. It really was great to see her, but obviously there are still feelings there - she has been texting me once or twice a week since then, which doesn't make it easier. As for my first girlfriend, I was over her within a week. It really depends on the situation. EDIT: Congrats on the baby.
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