thehighwaystar Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Hey guys, first post here so bear with me lol. Looks like it'll be a long one:P. Here's the story: There's a girl I liked at school about a month ago that I figured I'd likely never get the chance to talk to. She was a year older(I'm in grade 11, she's graduating), and I just figured that it sadly probably wouldn't work because of that. We ended up going on a school trip for about a week and one of my guy friends(without me knowing, obvs) decided to go tell her that I liked her. To my surprise, her response was telling him that we should hang out and get to know each other a bit better. I was pretty happy with that to say the least lol. We talked periodically on the trip, but I figured once we were thrown back into school enviroment it'd be over if I hadn't progressed to the point of at least being a friend. I sadly didn't really progress to that point, so when we got back to the school in early May I was just trying to get over it because I really thought it was pretty much over and that I blew my chances. Eventually, after a week, I decided I'd ask her to come to a party with me as a sort of last ditch attempt. She said she was busy that Friday night, but offered up Monday(long weekend) as a substitute. She ended up calling me that friday night anyway saying she was free and wondered if I wanted to do something. I ended up going over to her house, and we talked and watched a movie which went really well. She called me again on Sunday asking to do something, and I told her I could meet up with her but I was finishing something up, so we ended up seeing a movie that night and held hands when I walked her home. She came over Monday anyway, and we watched a movie, held hands and I put my arm around her. I was actually really surprised at how well things seemed to be moving. Sometime during the following school week I called her and asked if she wanted to do something on the weekend. She said Saturday night was good so she came over for dinner, we watched a movie and talked and again repeated the whole "lets hold hands" thing. Then prom arrived...I figured I had only known her for a week and didn't want to ask her to prom which would have been a week away. It was too soon, even though she didn't have a date or anything. A lot of people at school in the week leading up to prom asked her if she liked me THAT way, and she would always say "yeah, 100 percent, but I want to wait until exams are finished(mid june) so that i can be more committed"(she's got to keep her marks up for university acceptance). When I heard this from people I guess it was mixed excitement with nervousness that there was some other reason for the delay(prom night). Turns out she made out with another guy at prom, and then called me the next day to apologize and say she made a horrible mistake and that if I never wanted to talk to her again it was okay. She said that "I don't like him, I like you that way, I want things to work with you" and I figured people deserve second chances as if I were in the same position I would want the same thing. People were confused by her behaviour because earlier on at prom she was openly talking about how she wanted to date me as soon as school was finished. We went to a concert a few days ago(a couple days after the prom incident) and she seemed really happy to be there, so I was glad that we had kinda gotten over what had happened. I called her last night and said "so, do you feel like trying to make this work over the summer because the next few weeks are so hectic" and she said "I don't know. I like taking things really slow with legitimate people that I could see as long term boyfriends. It's got to be aggrivating knowing I don't have an anwser, I'm sorry. I wish I had an anwser for you, but I really don't." My confusion obviosly lies with the fact that she's literally told everyone including me that she likes me that way, but the whole "take it slow" thing sounded like a copout. She's normally pretty clear with people, but is cautious to hurt feelings. Even though it's only been three weeks, we have held hands on 6 or 7 seperate nights, but I really don't know if this is a legitimate "let's take it slow because I want to make sure this is long term" or a cop-out excuse. Thanks a lot guys, I'll anwser any questions if there are any.
lora22 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Just have to get this out of my system: I think it's a terrible idea to date a girl in her freshman year of college ESPECIALLY since this would be a new relationship and ESPECIALLY because you're still in high school. I realize this is a generalization, but I think you're setting yourself up for heartbreak if you pursue this. Question: How far away is the school she's attending? When she says "let's take it slow" I bet you she's thinking things like, I don't really know this guy, we just started hanging out, I'm going away to school, I'm going to be meeting so many people, etc. Sounds like maybe she would casually date, possibly, but if she really wanted to be with you, she would be. Second, I realize she's not your girlfriend, but to be honest, if someone was saying to me "Oh I really like you" and hung out with me a couple times and held my hand and that was it, but then she made out with another guy, and keep making excuses (first exams, then it'll be something else, then it'll be college), I would probably just cut my losses. I know that's easier said than done. But really, she probably does like you at least to an extent, but if she really wanted to be with you, or "make it work" she would. Also, she would probably be spending as much tim as possible with you before she goes to school. But by saying "let's take it slow" that tells me that she's not planning on investing much time/emotion/effort into this. In short, I think she's trying to spare your feelings.
Author thehighwaystar Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Thanks for the reply. She's staying here for University, living about 5 minutes away from my house. What she's been telling anybody who asks is that until the end of the school year she'd rather date casually, and then once summer hits she'd want to get serious. Apparently her reasoning is that she doesn't want to feel obligated to hang out. For example, she works 4 days a week, and I work three days a week. There's maybe two evenings free in the week to do something if we're lucky. If she's got a 7 page essay due and a cpt, she claimed she didn't want to feel obligated to pick me over the work that has to be done. If it matters, there haven't been any excuses to not hang out yet. Every time I've brought it up(3 or 4 times) she's available and wanting to do something and any time she's brought it up I've made myself available too.
lora22 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Well at least you get to see her if it's that close. I'm not saying that she's making excuses or not being honest with you, but think about this: She wants to take things slow now, and only date casually because she has work and homework. When she goes back to school, it will be the same situation, except added to that (and this probably depends on what type of person she is, i.e. extrovert and so on), she's going to be meeting all kinds of new people, making new friends, and she's going to want to hang out with them to be included. Oh, plus she's going to have waaaaay more homework/studying to do than she does now. Maybe you should just ask her straight up if she's letting you down easy by saying she wants to take things slowly.
Author thehighwaystar Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Yeah I guess that's what I'll have to do. I've been cautious about bringing it up because she's under a lot of pressure. Her family told her yesterday she may have to pay the extra 6000 to stay in res even though the university is 20 minutes away from her house. She's a very shy person, it took a lot of talking to get her to open up about things. She hasn't dated anybody yet this year, as she only moved here at the beginning of this school year. I guess asking her is the only real way to go about finding out, but I want to check at the right time. Most of the people that she told about liking me are now hounding her about why she did that to someone who she supposedly likes. She's never done that before, and everyone who found out was pretty shocked because she's one of the most quiet and reserved people there are. I will ask her though, it's just a matter of the right timing...
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