totallyunsure Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 hi,i am currently seeing an amazing woman we met at school then lost touch.seeing eachother about 2 month and we went out for a meal.all was well until she received a text then he broke down in tears.i took her outside and she explained that she had been raped and the person who did it was moving back to his old house-about ten mins from her.the guy didnt get arrested as there wasnt sufficient evidence.she is now petrified and wants to move to another city.what would everyone else do? previous victims help would be phonomenal. i appreciate this is a delicate issue but i need help
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I've never dealt with this (thank God), but I do know that women don't expect men to "fix" them. Let her know you're there for her, you'll do anything you can to help and support her. And then leave it alone. If you jump in to rescue her, it tells her that you don't trust her to handle her own life. By letting her know that you're there for her in ANYWAY, you leave the door open for her to ask for help. But at least you're not taking her power away by DOING it for her. She already had her power taken by the rape. Don't further insult her now.
kostoronto Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I've only met one girl who has been raped, and she's, understandably, very cynical about men. It's a positive sign that this girl is going out with you. It shows that she's dealing with the past well; however, her handling of the guy coming back shows that she still isn't fully over it. Only do what she asks. If you take action when she doesn't want you to, you could severe any relationship you had with her. Tread carefully.
dreamergrl Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 For one, be there for her, but don't try to fix her or the situation. I couldn't imagine going through all of that, but I know if I where I'd be very weary of men. She must have started through the healing process if she's seeing you. Be supportive, but don't go overboard and smother her. Can she get a restraining order?
kostoronto Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 If a man will rape, he will break a restraining order. But listen to Dreamergrl, her advice is very good.
dreamergrl Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 If a man will rape, he will break a restraining order. But listen to Dreamergrl, her advice is very good. Yeah but the minute he breaks it, he's off to jail, not saying that it would make me feel better with just a restraining order. But if she can't move, there's not much else she can do.
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