brock9911 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 well my ex and i broke up about 2 weeks ago from an 8 year relationship, and she kicked me out of the house about 1 1/2 months ago. she was accusing me of cheating meanwhile i never touched another girl, but she cheated on me with at least 4 people. i guess im wrong. now that we established no contact after she blew my phone up with nasty voice mails and texts and i basically had enough of her. my mind would race and not be able to get her off my mind, but now i started hanging out with this other girl. im starting to like her and i can see shes doing the same. am i fooling myself. am i liking this girl because of the void of my ex. i dont want to lead her on or get attatched, but she wants to hang out and i cant say no. is it to soon to do this or am i just over reacting. its been along time to be in the game so my judgement is way off. also shes moving soon and she keeps saying she wishes she didnt have too. should i just let things ride out, enjoy the moment and when she goes just move on. will i miss her when shes gone or will i start missing my ex again. god damnit i sound like a little teennage girl
Ronni_W Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 god damnit i sound like a little teennage girl Yes, you do. "Not that there's anything wrong with that," as they say on Seinfeld. If you don't want to lead on this new person, then you gotta be honest with her about where you are in your life. It's not that you "can't say no" to hanging out with her, it's that you're choosing to say 'yes', for whatever your reasons -- to have fun, to distract yourself, to not feel lonely/alone, etc. I'd suggest that you know if your interaction with this woman is just to fill a void. And, if it is, you may also be recognizing, on some level, that doing some loss/grief work and personal development will serve you better for the long-term, and help you to be able to feel genuinely happy and fulfilled in the future. It does feel counter-productive and counter-intuitive to say, "Okay, I'm gonna allow myself to feel all my sadness, disappointment, hurt and anger...and that is gonna make me feel so much better." But that kinda is how it works. And it doesn't mean that you're gonna get out-of-control angry or depressed -- there is some of that of course, but if you work with a therapist, you'll learn safe & sane ways of releasing what needs to be let go, and how to move forward without all the unnecessary emotional baggage. I'm sorry that your 8-year relationship ended, and wish you "good healing".
Author brock9911 Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Thanx. its funny you say that cuz i actually have a psychiatrist for anxiety and ocd (not cleaning, but dwelling on things). dont know why, but for some reason i keep thinking well, did i force myself to be with my ex after she cheated to hope things would get better or fix themselves. and if so did i love her the same way. cuz now how can i so quickly start liking this other person. its so strange, my anxiety is going nuts, but for what reason, the thought of losing my ex, or the thought of starting something new. i originally wanted to just hook up with this girl, and so did she, but we both keep hanging out and it feels like something more is starting to grow. i also am a little leary of starting something so soon. i dunno my minds a mess. thanx EX!
Ronni_W Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 i also am a little leary of starting something so soon. i dunno my minds a mess. thanx EX! Nah, it's not your ex -- it's that you attracted this exact experience/opportunity to do some more growth and development. At least, looking at it that way would help you feel/stay powerful and in charge. For what it's worth, I got into a new relationship very soon (months!) after my 8-year marriage ended, and we're still going strong...10+ years later . (I thought it was gonna be just a rebound...who knew?) But I also did divorce support group, grief counseling, etc., separate and apart from the relationship -- kind of led a bit of a "double life" for a while. My b/f was incredibly understanding and supportive...we would not have made it without him
Cinnamon777 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 It's not too soon to experience the butterflies of something new and exciting, but it does seem like you might be trying to fill a void. There is NOTHING wrong with that as long as the new girl knows you might be rebounding. The fact that she is moving away soon plays into it being ok to just experience a brief affair of the heart. It might even be good for you to relax and enjoy the time you are having and know that it's possible for you to love again. Just because the new girl might not be forever doesn't mean that she isn't special and may play a very valuable role in your healing process. Accept the attention and love that she offers - just be sure that you are honest with your feelings and intentions. Anxiety can keep you from enjoying the moment. You already know she is leaving so it's not you, it's not personal, it's just part of the plan. Kick back and relax with her.
Author brock9911 Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 yeah well like i said, our intentions were to just hook up. she didnt know my situation wit me n my ex to well, and i guess being locked up for 8 years makes me a little rusty to just put it out there. i did tell her thats y i didnt make a strong move in the begining. it seems like we're just really getting to know each other. yesterday was 1 year since my father died, and she was one of the first people to contact me and console me. now i didnt handle the death to well, and i had a bit to drink. she went out of her way to see how i was doing, if i was safe, make sure i didnt hurt myself or anyone else. she tells me that shes gonna really miss me when she leaves, n thats whats keeping us from really going further. i can live with that though, i dont want to keep her down while shes away. its not fair. i am confused, but it does fell good, im not gonna lie.
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