A.Sadykova Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I've been married for 9 years. I'm almost 30. I think we're done. He thinks our life is great and perfect just the way it is! I want a child, he doesn't ("we're not ready"). I want a house, he doesn't ("what's the point of getting a house, if there's no one to pass it to"). We stopped having sex. First, it was him. He didn't feel like it.("too hot, too full, too tired, blah, blah, blah..."). Then after being rejected so many times I gave up. I don't want to have sex with him either. We haven't had any for 2 years. You'd be surprised how a woman can survive without it for so long... Well, I've got toys, they satisfied me for a while. But I do want sex. I'm HOT! I get attention everywhere I go. I am pretty, I have a hot body... what the hell? oh, I am so mad, i can't even write about it... talk to you all later...
Davey McG Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 The writing is on the wall. I think it's time to put an end to this relationship. You're still young - go out and live your life!
Cinnamon777 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 It doesn't seem like you are on the same page at all. Will he talk with you about what is going on or not going on between you? If you cannot communicate together, maybe counseling will help. I would say you need to do what you need to be happy, especially before there are kids involved. Good luck!
Girlygal Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 2 years? i cant go 2 days, bless your heart!!! It sounds as though you are ready for the next level, and he is not. Time to make a choice, stay or go. If he has already mentally let go, perhaps it is time you do as well as it sounds the physical is long gone...
fastdriver Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I can sympathize with you. I'm 49, married at 32. Frequency of sex went from monthly, to yearly, to pretty much nothing. Begged, cried, pleaded, went through humiliation of rejection - worked on myself (I'm attractive, get asked out a lot, vivacious, outgoing, fun) and got past it and accepted him for himself. HOWEVER. 2 sons later, it still bothers me (I mean, yes, I love sex but have had to train myself not to in order to survive this relationship). So, what my experience is, is that - it won't change, and it might get worse, and if he does not see it as a priority and if you don't MAKE it a priority, later down the road, it will still eat away at you. Had I known, I'm not sure I would still be with him. You want to have kids - and there "is" no "perfect" time. Life is what it is -- the kid thing, as much as we all try to frame it -- is not a frameable item. I'd suggest seeing a counselor who is effective and who will address the sex issue PRONTO without making him feel attacked (a male counselor who specializes in men's life passages) -- might be the best first step. Good luck! I wish I had been given this advice 17 years ago.
Enema Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 What's the sex like when you do have it? I know of women who are always the first ones to say "oooh, I love sex, I want it all the time!" But when it comes down to the act, they're boring. They either: - Dead fish - Don't take control - Don't give instructions - Don't show passion - Don't suggest things - Don't want to try things It's really no wonder the men in their lives have trouble getting interested in sex with them. They always want it, but don't really participate. Not saying that's what's going on in your case, but it's something I have seen.
clarkent Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Wow, been there done that with the sex, recieving excuses.."I'm bloated, Too tired, too stressed" Man, I wrote them down, once, to remember later, because I was impressed with how creative they were. And, honestly, that should have been my first clue that it wasn't going to work out. But you still have that love so you go forward anyway, hoping things will change. The trouble is, one person is holding too much power in the relationship. Their needs are paramount and yours are elective.
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