now_what Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Two months of being divorced now and I just feel weird. It still blows my mind to think that I am no longer married to my ex after having been together for over 30 years. It blows my mind even more to think that he remarried so quickly to someone he really didn't know. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of what I could have done to change things - but since he didn't want to work on the marriage there was not much I could do. I'm not sure how happy he is - hard to say - but he may have discovered something about his new wife's character: she opened a credit account from a woman's clothing catalog in his name - before they were married even - had the things sent to her, hid the bills from him and gave them MY phone number. Nice huh, he was a bit surprised to say the least and he did apologize profusely for being bothered by the collection calls. It was strange today filling out papers for my 16 year old daughter for school and putting separate addresses for the first time for me and her dad. Some days I just hate him so much for cheating on me and leaving me and sneaking out on me and our daughter because he was such a chicken. Other days, like now, the house seems so quiet and I miss him. I sit here alone in the bedroom of the house we shared for 25 years and feel sad. This situation is just something I never expected. It's still only been 8 months since he left and in that short time we have divorced and he has remarried - it just seems like a whirlwind and everything just happened so fast. Does anyone have mixed feeling like me?
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I definetly get the mixed feelings like you do. Me and husband were only married 4 yrs. We have been seperated now for 2 months. I do miss him he left me for another women too. He says it isn't because of her he left. Its really hard to get my feelings in the right direction. The love hate thing. Most days I am great with still hating him but I am still very depressed. Now I couldn't take him back even if I wanted to. That is one of the things that hurts the most. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes where he has already remarried. *HUGS* My heart goes out to you. Things will get easier in time and it sounds like he picked a REAL winner!! Im am trying to focus on my children and getting my life together. I pray all the time for things to get better. You will be in my prayers. God bless you..
Author now_what Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Icequeen: Thanks for the kind words and prayers. I too am trying to focus on my children and myself. I'm sure my kids are a bit older than yours. I have one married daughter who has given me two beautiful grandchildren that my ex is missing out on by not being around. My son is graduating from college on the 13th and moving back home for a bit until he finds a job. My younger daughter has two years of school left, but I think will be living at home when she goes to college. I want to get my life together and move forward. My ex obviously had no problem just creating a new life for himself - I want to do the same, but i will not be leaving my loved ones in the dust - they are just too important to me. So strange, I had a dream last night where he came to me and was being so affectionate and loving to me and begged my forgiveness for what he had done. I haven't dreamed in months and I don't even think about that scenario happening, because I know it won't. I did tell someone though that I don't think I would ever want him back, but it would be great if someday he would admit how stupid he has been,
LakesideDream Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Now What, Same thing happened to me eight years ago. I lived through it. After as much time as you two had together you may never "get over it". I can honestly say that I am still and may always be bitter about wasting 25+ years of my life, my youth, and my love on someone who wasn't committed as I was. But it's past. Be patient. Let time wash over the past. Remember a twinkle is just a smile away.
Rooster_DAR Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Most of the time I avoid reading posts on this topic, mostly because is saddens me so deeply to see two people get lost like this. You sound pretty strong, stay strong for you and your daughter. I know how it feels, my EX cheated on me and wound up with someone else even before I was out of our house. It's been over 4 years now, but still lay in my room at night and just remember things, just things. Cheers!
Author now_what Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Thanks for the comments everyone. It helps to know that others have gone through similar experiences. I have a test of sorts coming up - my daughter will be gone for the next six days - her high school ensemble group will be traveling to perform in an arts and music festival in Charleston, SC. I am so proud of her, she is an excellent musician. I wish I could go with her, but I didn't have any vacation time left. They will probably go on another trip before she graduates and I should be able to go then. Her dad did give her some spending money for her trip, but it makes me sad that he did not care to be a part of her day to day life anymore, so he could live the free and easy life with his "biker woman". It will be different being alone for six days - sure she spends the night with friends from time to time, but is only gone a day or two at most. I'm not exactly alone - I do have four dogs, three cats, and a rat, to keep me company, so I will have some companionship. And besides, I have plenty to do, so I will be fine. Again, thanks to everyone for the comments and support, it means a lot.
Author now_what Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 Just a brief update - I took my daughter to catch her bus this morning at 4:30 a.m. - my favorite time of day lol. I stayed for just a little bit before heading home to catch a few more zzzs before going to work. We hugged each other goodbye before she got on the bus and she shot me a look that said "I love you Mom, I know you are always here for me". To me that is the most precious thing in the world, to hell with her dad and whatever he is doing. I'm exactly where I want to be with those who love me, there is nothing more I could ask for.
Author now_what Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 I talked to the ex today about some more collection calls that have been coming for him and some health insurance things to take care of. When we talk on the phone - most of the time he sounds exactly like he did when we were still married when things were good. It just makes me think - why are we not still together working on our marriage? Why did you have to jump to someone else before we had even broken up? Why did you have to go and marry her so quickly? Just from the tone in his voice - I honestly think if he had not moved on so quickly to another woman, we could have had a shot at fixing things. If people would hear us talking, you would not have known that we had recently divorced. I just wonder if he is really happy with his new wife or if he regrets getting married with such haste? He was always one to move quickly and regret his actions later. I would not be surprised if she pushed for the marriage. If he was not married, regardless of what he did to me in the past, I would consider trying to reconcile (I know stupid of me), but since he is married, I feel it is wrong for me to try to move in. Apparently, she did not have that problem doing the same to me, letting a married man she barely knew move in with her, leaving me after 30 years. I should probably want nothing to do with him ever again.
crackerjax9 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 always... i hate him one minute and miss him the next...u prob feel like this because he kind of rejected you at the end-he cheated but u still wanted to work things out and he didnt want to. same thing with my ex cept we werent married. didnt catch him cheating - but probably about to. i still wanted to work things out & got rejected. he should feel worse about the whole betrayal than i do. and same to your ex. but u deserve better & he's an idiot for cheating on you...i just wasnt meant to be..our prince charmings are still somewhere out there!
Author now_what Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Crackerjax9 That's probably it, he did reject me at the end and didn't even want to try to work on our marriage, it seems like he would have wanted to at least given it a try, but he said he was happy with his new woman - now his wife. We'll see how long this lasts, I believe he is husband number four for her and he already has caught her doing sneaky things, like opening that charge account - and I wanted to give him some money that I owed him . but he wanted to make sure he got it in person, didn't want it mailed to their house. Hmmm. And he didn't want his woman knowing he was making my car payment - although that's all part of our agreement. Whatever. I do hope my prince charming is out there somewhere. I do have an online friend that I talk to quite a bit and like quite a bit too, but he lives in another state - too bad he's not closer.
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