fabulous_chk Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 We were together when he was told of his death. He shut everyone out and clung to me for 2 days. I just need help navigating this precarious position. We have broken up 10 weeks ago. He cheated. NC broken many times. He always initiated the contact. I did 12 days of NC, 7 Days, then 18 days. He told me this when I finally agreed to meet up with him: 1. i'm an ******* 2. i did you dirty 3. i'm sorry for everything 4. you're an amazing person 5. you're my angel 6. i love you so much 7. i missed you so much for the last 2 months 8. i don't deserve you 9. i'm not worth a second of your time 10. don't ever change 11. you're the only person i can be with this moment 12. please unblock my number 13. please call me, let me know how you are 14. it was like i was a possessed person these past few months. 15. come stay with me 3 days a week. you don't have to answer right now. 16. when you were talking to me on the phone all i did was cry 17. please be with me when i come back (he's in Greece for the burial) 18. can you talk to me online? 19. it sucks that i'm only with you for two days then i have to go away. He has logged on to YIM many times but we cannot catch each other because of the time difference. He has given me a contact number to Greece - I will call him tomorrow. Please give me an idea of what to say. We have discussed being friends but we act like lovers, saying "I love you" to each other. At this point there is no official "reconciliation" - we are not comfortable with the idea of being back together as bf/gf, but we do admit loving each other. I just want to converse with him like a friend and not burden him too much. But I have no idea what to say.
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 I managed to get hold of him in Greece. He was surprised. He didn't even know it was me (I had sore throat). Him: "Oh it's you (my name)!!! I didn't realize." Me: "Your mom gave your aunt's number. How are you?" Him: "Good. Good. I'm here right now at my aunt's cottage right in front of the beach. It's gorgeous. The sea is turquoise." Me: "Wow." Him: "We almost missed the funeral." Me: "It was on Friday?" Him: "Yeah. It was supposed to be 3pm, we came there at 3:30pm. They waited for us." Me: "Good thing you managed to get there." Him: "I went and I was freaking out. There were a lot of people...about three hundred people." Me: "Your dad knew a lot of people." Him: "Yeah, many people loved him." (He started talking in Greek and I just listened.) Him: "I'm sorry, babe. I just have to order some food." Me: "Oh, that's fine. I'll wait." (Still wondering at his slip "babe"...he's called me baby, babe several times since we broke up. I wonder if he notices.) He started talking about his dad...I could only listen since I do not know how to console with words. We talked some more, he asked me how I'm doing. I kept everything casual. He asked about the dog. I said he's fine. Then there was a lull in the conversation and I said: Me: "I missed you." (There was a beat of silence and he said:) Him: "I missed you too." (After that there was this tension in the air....almost like anxiety...I realized I should never had said that. He's there to clear his head.) Me: "I miss you in Yahoo Messenger by seconds. When you log off that's when I log in." Him: "That's fine. You know I don't have internet connection back home. When I'm at the city that's when I check my emails and log on to Yahoo messenger." Me: "I thought of that as well." Him: "Well, you can call me anytime. It's good to hear from you. I will have my own number in a day or two." Me: "So if I want to call you should I still contact your mom's phone?" Him: "Yeah, we are in the same house. Then I will give you a new number to call." Me: "Ok, Steve. I will let you go now, because you have to eat, and I have to eat as well." Him: "It's good to hear from you (my name). Me: "I'm glad I got to talk to you. Take care of yourself, okay? And say thanks to your aunt." Him: "Thanks for being there for me." Me: "Of course I'm here. Goodbye Steve." Him: "Goodbye." ************************************************* After this conversation I wanted to cry. It was so different from our conversation last week, when he was pleading me to call him, talk to him, be with him. Today he was sunny and confident and relaxed. So distant. He didn't say I love you, when he said it multiple times last week. He didn't say I missed you until I said it. We talked like friends....but there's an undercurrent of tension between us. It's because I'm back to my "begging mode" again. He can probably sense it, and is not ready to deal with it. After all, he just lost his dad. Help me God. You brought him back to my life. Please tell me for what reason? Was I just there to comfort him? Am I expecting too much, too soon? I sometimes regret I broke my NC. But I am a strong woman. I will get through this.
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