carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I am choosing to get to know this guy better and make time for him, without losing myself in the process. OK, so why the laments about being so busy and distracted? Be positive. You have all these things going on but are excited about carving out some time to spend with this new guy with whom you feel rapport. See how that works?
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 OK, OP, what did he update? I guess you likely know his profile by heart, or downloaded it. IMO, all this scrutinizing of the trees misses the forest's beauty. Kinda hard to see that when all one is looking at is bark. He updated the books he's reading and something about the "five items he can't live without" -- he added "love." Which is sort of cute. Also, full disclosure -- in MY profile, i say "I'm not looking for anything necessarily serious." So, maybe he perceives as just a fling. But, I'm not going to scrutinize anymore. Bottom line is if two people like each other, they will be into each other, and things will flow naturally, despite everything else. Right?
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Right Bog yourself down in all these details and it will be your undoing, IMO....
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Did you read the post I quoted? I think it's quite telling. I mean, after your dates, were you inspired to change your profile? I wasn't thinking about anyone else, but I was tempted to change my profile just so I wasn't focusing solely on HIM.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Also, full disclosure -- in MY profile, i say "I'm not looking for anything necessarily serious." So, maybe he perceives as just a fling. Uh, YEAH. Why do you have that up there, if it's not true? I imagine you must want something real, and substantial, otherwise you wouldn't be fretting over this situation. Given what you have in your profile combined with what he's looking for (LOVE), he might not think you're the right fit.
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Right Bog yourself down in all these details and it will be your undoing, IMO.... Agreed. I told a few friends about this situation and they all thought I was crazy. Granted, they are all married, but they were like: "You sound nuts. Get off the internet." haha.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Bottom line is if two people like each other, they will be into each other, and things will flow naturally, despite everything else. Right? Nope. It doesn't work that way. You have to be honest with one another, and compatible. No matter how much two people may like each other, if they're looking for different things - and telling each other they're looking for different things - it just won't work.
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I'm with SG on your intent..... I didn't see that while posting. If you want a serious relationship, you need to advertise and commit to that. If your true desires are serious and you advertise as casual, you are working at cross-purposes in that you will attract those who desire what you advertise and men interested in serious relationships will pass you by, not because you're not attractive but because they accept you at face value.
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 I'm with SG on your intent..... I didn't see that while posting. If you want a serious relationship, you need to advertise and commit to that. If your true desires are serious and you advertise as casual, you are working at cross-purposes in that you will attract those who desire what you advertise and men interested in serious relationships will pass you by, not because you're not attractive but because they accept you at face value. You're right. And I regret that I had that in my profile. When I had initially written that, I was in a phase where I didn't want a serious relationship, because I was tired of dating and wanted a break. I'm not an active member on the dating site, so I just didn't bother to update my profile. However, me and this guy have had a couple fleeting talks about marriage and kids. I said I def eventually wanted to get married and have kids some day. And my profile does indicate those sentiments.
BubblyPopcorn Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I think it's just a bit unrealistic to expect someone to take down their dating profile, not update it, etc., whatever the case may be after one date. Especially if he is looking for something serious, then I assume he is going to be a bit more cautious. You stated you aren't looking for anything serious, so maybe he has his own reservations right at the gate.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 However, me and this guy have had a couple fleeting talks about marriage and kids. I said I def eventually wanted to get married and have kids some day. And my profile does indicate those sentiments. Someday does not mean now, or even soon. Even the biggest players in the world say they want marriage and children someday. You have to be clear and open with what you're looking for NOW. I think it's fair to assume he updated his profile to reflect the real him. Perhaps you should do the same?
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Well, he just called me. We both pretty busy today and he's still sick, but we're going to hang out this afternoon before my evening plans.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Just keep in mind that even guys who are looking for something serious will diddy a girl who's not looking for something serious until they find someone who is. Don't be the girl he passes time with on the way to "the one." Make your intentions clear.
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 I kill myself Oh Carhill! haha. Just keep in mind that even guys who are looking for something serious will diddy a girl who's not looking for something serious until they find someone who is. Don't be the girl he passes time with on the way to "the one." Make your intentions clear. Honestly, I am not necessarily looking for anything serious, but I am certainly open to it if I met the right person. I'm confident that I present myself as girlfriend material rather than a girl just to "diddy." As a sidenote, he is sick. Should I bring him something like orange juice or soup, or is that too freaky and girlfriend-ish this early on? haha
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Honestly, I am not necessarily looking for anything serious, but I am certainly open to it if I met the right person Mixed message. Why would you spend time with the wrong person? I'm confident that I present myself as girlfriend material rather than a girl just to "diddy." Good. As a sidenote, he is sick. Should I bring him something like orange juice or soup, or is that too freaky and girlfriend-ish this early on? haha I personally would appreciate a gesture like that, but every man is different. My opinion is that you should do what comes naturally to you. I'm remembering here that you communicate your emotions but are not showy.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Honestly, I am not necessarily looking for anything serious, but I am certainly open to it if I met the right person. I'm confident that I present myself as girlfriend material rather than a girl just to "diddy." You're sending such mixed signals, even I'm confused! IME, "not looking for something serious" = "diddy" without strings. A FWB, if you will. "Looking for something real/serious" = girlfriend material. *shrug* You teach people how to treat you, including with the words you choose to describe what you're looking for.
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Maybe there is such a thing as a non-serious girlfriend.... wait, I know one like that. It's an "experiment" in living together, or so she says. Thankfully, those vents no longer fill my receptacle
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 I personally would appreciate a gesture like that but every man is different. My opinion is that you should do what comes naturally to you. I'm remembering here that you communicate your emotions but are not showy. Actually, maybe it's the opposite. I'm more action oriented, in the sense that my natural inclination is to bring him soup, but I wouldn't be like: "You poor thing!" I'd more be like: "Here's some soup." You're sending such mixed signals, even I'm confused! I don't know if it's as much as I sent mixed signals, rather than I act aloof about everything. My friends say I downplay everything even when it really matters to me. A self-defense mechanism perhaps. If I act like I don't care, then no one can hurt me. But the joke's on me, because I always care!
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Actually, maybe it's the opposite. I'm more action oriented, in the sense that my natural inclination is to bring him soup, but I wouldn't be like: "You poor thing!" I'd more be like: "Here's some soup." Yes, that is what I meant but communicated it poorly. No grandiose words or gestures, just a simple and heartfelt action. Did I get it right?
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Yes, that is what I meant but communicated it poorly. No grandiose words or gestures, just a simple and heartfelt action. Did I get it right? Yes, exactly!
rod_in_gtown Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Oh Carhill! haha. Honestly, I am not necessarily looking for anything serious, but I am certainly open to it if I met the right person. I'm confident that I present myself as girlfriend material rather than a girl just to "diddy." As a sidenote, he is sick. Should I bring him something like orange juice or soup, or is that too freaky and girlfriend-ish this early on? haha I would love it if the woman I'm starting to see would do that for me. Not every man is the same as carhill said but most of us are big babies who love to be pampered and being cared for. Even if we won't admit it.
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