XMOX Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 My girlfriend is best friends with her ex.They always hang out.He always talks really bad about me and even has tried to hold her hand.I have been cheated on before having the same situation where my girlfriend was best friends with her ex.I'm paranoid to the point where it's all I think about.I've talked to her about it many times and she always says the same reassuring thing "It won't happen".She wouldn't even kiss me infront of him because she knew he'd be angry and this really upset me.I trust her but I don't trust him.He was her first and she is my first so having her cheat would hurt and I don't know what else I can do to stop being paranoid.
lora22 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 She wouldn't even kiss me infront of him because she knew he'd be angry and this really upset me. Did you tell her this and what did she say? You are her bf now, not this other guy, which means that your feelings on something like this come first, not his. You say you trust your gf, but not her ex; it's probably things like this, and his badmouthing and handholding, that are making you "paranoid." I don't think there's much you can do about it besides A) Talking to her (calmly) about this B) Dump her and/or C) In the future don't date girls who are such good friends with their ex's if it really bothers you.
reservoirdog1 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 She wouldn't even kiss me infront of him because she knew he'd be angry and this really upset me. Yeah, this would bug me too. When people are in relationships, they kiss each other. Sometimes in front of other people. There's no good reason for her to not kiss you in front of him. So he'd be angry? So what? She's with you now, not with him. I'd be tempted to lay down the law. The trick is to do it in a stern, confident way -- not in a needy, weepy way. Something like "I told you before that this bothers me. I find it bizarre that you won't kiss me -- your BF -- in front of some other guy, out of fear that he'll get angry. That shouldn't be a consideration. Given my past experiences, I have my guard up against things like this. By refusing to kiss me in front of some other guy, you're making ME angry. So, you need to decide which is more important to you: not upsetting him, or not upsetting me. Your answer will tell me how much you value this relationship, and whether or not it's worth it for me to stay in it."
Dexter Morgan Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 My girlfriend is best friends with her ex.They always hang out. unacceptable. nothing wrong with being friends with the opposite sex or even an X.....but not in this way. He always talks really bad about me and even has tried to hold her hand. and yet she remains friends with him?? I'd say its time to dump her. he is badmouthing you and she is letting it happen. He has designs on her, she knows this, and still disrespects you by hanging out with him. And I bet you anything she has cheated, and if she hasn't, she is still treating you like crap. get rid of her. I have been cheated on before having the same situation where my girlfriend was best friends with her ex.I'm paranoid to the point where it's all I think about. You aren't being paranoid. most likely its happened, and even if it hasn't, she is disrespecting you. I've talked to her about it many times and she always says the same reassuring thing "It won't happen".She wouldn't even kiss me infront of him because she knew he'd be angry and this really upset me. dump her, its the obvious choice here. I trust her but I don't trust him.He was her first and she is my first so having her cheat would hurt and I don't know what else I can do to stop being paranoid. you trust her? Lets turn this around. lets say you hung out with an X girlfriend that badmouths your gf, and you know that the X wants you. Are you going to keep hanging out with her if you cared about your gf?
Lyssa Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 She wouldn't even kiss me infront of him because she knew he'd be angry and this really upset me. You have the right to be upset. Wtf. This is her exBF - who cares if he's upset?! Geez.
reservoirdog1 Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 He always talks really bad about me and even has tried to hold her hand. I missed that part in my first post. She shouldn't be hanging out with that douchebag. He's a cancer on your relationship -- nothing more, nothing less. He's trying to undermine it. So, you should absolutely put her to a choice: she can have you in her life, or him. Not both. And if she won't choose, make the choice for her by dumping her. Not worth it.
CandiceIsMe Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Or let her know that it's affecting you this much, if it doesn't seem to make a difference then give her an ultimatum. Him or you
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