aotc Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Over the last two days I manned up and struck up short conversations with 3 different girls. Unfortunately, I'm obviously no expert, and I think I might have come off as a bit shaky or nervous. It's nothing that bad, really, just messing up a word here or there and maybe stuttering a bit. I'm not sure why - consciously I'm thinking everything right, but there's still this natural inclination for me to be a bit shaky during my first encounter with any person, man or woman. Once I talk to someone after a few times I feel much more at ease and am my usual self. I'm happy that I didn't let these opportunities slide by, but I'm wondering if many girls/women are judgmental enough to rule me out already because I wasn't the smoothest I can be on my first approach.
MineThatBird Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 That's fabulous. Different women will give you different answers and the ONLY way to be sure is to invite those women you spoke to for some alone-time. If they're open and willing to spend time with you, you'll know for certain that they aren't judgmental for ruling you out because of X, Y and Z.
paddington bear Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 If I find the guy attractive I will pick up on his nervousness and think it's cute. It means he likes me, and it's a sure fire indicator that he likes me, which stops me wondering if he likes me or not. Him being nervous means he likes me, knowing someone is attracted to me makes me feel good. Everyone wins!!
Author aotc Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Ok, let me ask one more question - when is it appropriate to ask for a number? (Having a girl's number will obviously lead to asking her for alone time.) I ask this because one of the girls I talked to seems very into me based on some facial cues but unfortunately she's in a tough situation for me. She works at the front desk in the gym I go to, and is usually surrounded by a few other guy employees there that are most likely trying to hit on her. If she was alone or with another female employee I could take a few minutes to talk to her and then get her number, but most of the time she's around another guy, and having a meathead right there while I try to get her number will just make things harder, since he'll probably interfere. The other girls I have a chance to walk alone with for a few minutes, so next time I'm with them I can get their numbers or maybe even plan something then and there. I just don't want my chances to be diminished because I was a bit clumsy the first times around.
Author aotc Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 If I find the guy attractive I will pick up on his nervousness and think it's cute. It means he likes me, and it's a sure fire indicator that he likes me, which stops me wondering if he likes me or not. Him being nervous means he likes me, knowing someone is attracted to me makes me feel good. Everyone wins!! Haha, it would be great if all women thought like you! Your post made me think a bit. I don't have a very good perspective on the view of the girl. I tend to overestimate her confidence and certainty. Like, a lot of the times I just assume the girl knows I like her and is probably going to toy around and play some games if I try to do something. Thus, I feel like unless I counter all her games by being chill and smooth, she's going to reject me. You just reminded me that the girl is most likely thinking, "Does he like me?" or "There he is, how do I look?!" instead of being really cocky.
paddington bear Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 that's it, I think many of us get so involved with our own nervousness and fear of rejection that we forget the other party is suffering from exactly the same emotions. Good to bear in mind. Now, the gym girl. Someone wrote here on some other thread, I think maybe started by me, about women being competitive, to simply ignore the competition and act as if there is no one else there. So you either chat to her for a little longer than normal each time you're there, thus building up more of a connection - you have plenty of time to do this, there is no rush, if you go to the gym and she works there, you can simply take as much time as you need. Bearing in mind though, she may have plenty of other gym-going guys thinking about her the way you do, so you're likely to have competition, more than fellow employees hanging around. Would you consider a little note with 'I think you're cute, here's my number' thus by-passing having to ask her out in front of an audience? As regards the other girls, or anyone else for that matter, just try your best, you are going to get knocked back, that is a fact of life for both men and women, sometimes the people we are attracted to don't want us back, so don't take it personally if you can possibly do that. Have a look at 4 weddings and a funeral and Hugh Grant's character bumbling on to Andi McDowell about a load of nonsense because he's so nervous that he can't actually get the words he wants to say out. It's not always a disadvantage, it only is, if you take it personally when your advances get rejected or if your nervousness somehow gets translated into looking desperate.
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