Capricciosa Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 We all know that bad boys get all the attention, but I am conducting a bit of research on what is sexy and appealing about good guys. They say that all the good ones are taken, so if you are one of the lucky takers, please fill me in: -What first attracted you? -How did you know he was one of the good guys? -What is unique about him? -And what's the chemistry like? -What is the advantage in being with a good guy? -What's the most fun thing about him? And anything else you might want to add to this sorely over-looked subject would be dandy. Thanks gals.
Trialbyfire Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 What first attracted you?He saved me from my own idiocy and his adorable, boyish, megawatt smile. How did you know he was one of the good guys?He has this really rock solid air about him, someone who you immediately trust. I also verified this with my friend, who lives next door to him, as well as through a number of sources. What is unique about him?It's the combination of traits that make him unique. I've never met anyone so solid/confident inside and so mature and reasonable. And what's the chemistry like?Can you say KILLER? What is the advantage in being with a good guy?I never have to watch my back. What's the most fun thing about him?His intelligence and sense of humour. The man is silly and fun!!
anne1707 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 We had worked together for ages but never really talked until one night when a group of us all went out together and I ended up sitting next to him. -What first attracted you? Intellect, sense of humour, smile, eyes, .... -How did you know he was one of the good guys? No one thing in particular. I just knew that I could trust him. Totally . -What is unique about him? He is the one person in all my life who has really "got" me. He understands me 90+% of the time and as for those times he doesn't, he just deals with it or laughs it off - whichever is right for the circumstances. -And what's the chemistry like? Fifteen years on and he still does it for me -What is the advantage in being with a good guy? Where do I start? The main thing however is that I cam always be myself - no games, no pretence. If I feel good, if I feel sad, if all I can do is laugh or cry... - I can just be me. -What's the most fun thing about him? Time to embarass him now seeing as he is a LS regular . Silly little dances just to cheer me up. Surprising me with things he has made for me. The look on his face when I have dressed up for him and the look when my hair is a mess, no make-up, just out of bed . Teaching me new things (as he did just last night ). How's that for a start? And anything else you might want to add to this sorely over-looked subject would be dandy. Keep your hands off Wuggle - he's mine
quankanne Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 celebrating our 17-year wedding anniversary this month, so ... What first attracted you? his blue eyes and soft, Southern accent How did you know he was one of the good guys? whenever he'd take me to dinner, he was generous. If I wanted something, he didn't gripe about it, but encouraged me to get it, even if it was a pricier meal, because he knew I'd enjoy it. And he's still like that, too. WAY different from one ex, who would encourage me to order stuff, then bitch about the bill. Heck, he'd even complain if I got the cheapest thing on the menu, and it was not an enjoyable experience ... What is unique about him? his manners are pretty genteel for an old redneck guy, it's really quite charming. And what's the chemistry like? physically? There were sparks, but what completely heightened things was that I felt comfortable with him, that I could trust him with my heart, so the sex was really good because of that. Psychologically, I just can't explain ... like he's the other half of the orange, as one of my young friends says. There's a certain rush or high being so mentally connected with someone, especially when you've never had it before, that it heightens the whole relationship. What is the advantage in being with a good guy? no mind games! What's the most fun thing about him? most fun, and most humbling, has got to be how he's opened himself up to me in a way he says he never has with anyone else. My gosh, he's got the goofiest sense of humor, and I never really thought about him NOT sharing with the other women he's been with before, but he says he never really was like that before me. So I guess it's that sense of silliness that'll pop out, and the fact that we've got a ton of inside jokes that he almost always goes back to ... again, it creates a sense of connectedness. I'm guessing other guys do that too, but when you're dating a jerk, he doesn't spend much time trying to forge that kind of relationship, but would almost rather play games!
Author Capricciosa Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 They all sound great (I'm still trying to picture the menage a trois!) And it seems a few of you graduated from the bad boy to the good guy. How has this changed your life and your outlook? How has this changed you?
bella16 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Well my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 months now and he is the sexiest man I've ever been with so far, and hes such a GOOD GUY! -What first attracted you? He was such a gentlemen, so different than what I usually go for, and he still is a gentlemen to this day. His voice is so sexy. And of course his good looks! -How did you know he was one of the good guys? I knew from the stories we both shared to eachother about our lives. He was brought up to have the upmost respect for all women and I love that in a guy. He goes out of his way for me NO MATTER WHAT. He never complains about a thing and he is ALWAYS positive about everything. That is so attractive to me. -What is unique about him? He is the first guy that ever went out of his way to make me feel comfortable so fast in any given situation. -And what's the chemistry like? It is unreal! I've been in relationships before, but man oh man! We cannot keep our hands off of eachother. We have a lot of things in common, and we are alike in many ways. The chemistry is def there! -What is the advantage in being with a good guy? I think you will be respected more by your S/O in more ways than 1. The relationship will be less problematic in someways also. -What's the most fun thing about him? He is up to doing anything and everything...whether it be in bed or outdoor things! Most guys ive dated were lazy and immature. My bf is no where near any of that. We go for walks, amusement parks, play sports, everything we can think of and he enjoys every moment of it.
Eve Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 -What first attracted you? I liked the fact that he was a single Dad - a very good one in many respects. That had me intrigued. Overall, I liked his smile, his lovely brown eyes and his voice. Also, he laughs a lot! Like me... We simply understood each other straight away. He can see who I am fully and I see him absolutely clearly. -How did you know he was one of the good guys? Just knew from how he presented himself. He has very good manners and looked out for me in a non oppressive way from Day 1. His heart is very big and he is a sweetie, unless a person is a bastard. He doesnt tolerate any nonsense. -What is unique about him? He is fine with showing his emotions and speaks very clearly from the heart. -And what's the chemistry like? Fab! We are in tune with each other, even when we are not together. -What is the advantage in being with a good guy? I dont have to sort out stupid things caused by lack of attention, foresight or dodgy intentions. We kind of 'flow' and it feels good. If things do not feel right we ride it out together. -What's the most fun thing about him? He goes overboard to make me happy. He thinks about the kids a lot and really values time with them. He is a naturally funny person and treats my friends really well. He has a very clear idea of his role but can laugh at himself. And anything else you might want to add to this sorely over-looked subject would be dandy. Hubby came along about six months after I sat down and truly decided what I really needed in a man. I know that I prayed him into my life. We are a perfect fit. Take care, Eve xx
Stung Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 They say that all the good ones are taken, so if you are one of the lucky takers, please fill me in: -What first attracted you? -How did you know he was one of the good guys? -What is unique about him? -And what's the chemistry like? -What is the advantage in being with a good guy? -What's the most fun thing about him? 1. He was thoughtful and witty and had a wonderful, dry sense of humor, plus he just oozed intelligence and capability. I find that quite sexy. He wasn't afraid to admit that he liked me right away. Physically, he had such a rough, warm voice, warm smile, rugged features. 2. He really paid attention to things I said (now that he's 'got me,' he's slacked off in this dept. a little bit ), he took care of his daughter, he liked me enough right from the start to stay in touch and put himself out on a limb emotionally even though I moved far away for a year right after we met, he was just really stable and sweet and never played any games. 3. He's hard to encapsulate, he goes back and forth between being incredibly thoughtful and incredibly dense, but he can't really help it so it's usually endearing. He's kind of an absentminded professor type sometimes. He's very masculine and when he sits there all lumbering and hairy in his mismatched socks and lets his daughter put glitter and lipstick on him it's very touching. He builds robots and makes his own wine. 4. The chemistry is still strong, kept alive through the rough patches common to having very young children by how affectionate we are with each other. Sex is great, I feel much closer to him than with any previous boyfriends. 5. He's loyal, I trust him. Even when he's angry with me, I know he still likes and respects me. He has a strong sense of honor. And it's wonderful to watch him with our baby. 6. Just hanging out with him is fun. We have a great time together, making each other laugh, kissing and groping when the kids' backs are turned. We have a billion inside jokes nobody will ever know but us.
Author Capricciosa Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 I find it heartwarming and encouraging that all you gals left the bull-shyte behind and have found a good guy. I may have as well, and it really makes a difference--but I'm still getting used to it after so many selfish jerks. It's hard to just believe that someone may have your interests at heart when it's been the opposite for so long. When I try to get across to my girlfriends that good doesn't mean boring, however, they are not convinced. I guess it's hard to give up that near-death adrenaline/chemistry that unstable men bring with them. I suppose I was as obtuse when I was younger, but I'm better now;) Any advice for those women who still haven't clued in to the good guy mystique?
Thornton Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 -What first attracted you? We met online, and he was interesting and fun to talk to, obviously intelligent and thoughtful, and I got the sense he genuinely liked me -How did you know he was one of the good guys? Judging by the things he said, he seemed respectful and decent, and there were never any sexual comments - he was interested in me as a person -What is unique about him? He's very intelligent and he understands me like nobody else ever has. He's incredibly kind and compassionate considering the crap he has been through in his life, and he really cares about me and is nice to me above and beyond the call of duty. -And what's the chemistry like? Wonderful! -What is the advantage in being with a good guy? He loves and supports me; our relationship is stable and I trust him to always be there for me when I need him, through thick and thin. -What's the most fun thing about him? He's always willing to do silly things, play fun games or do activities with me. And anything else you might want to add to this sorely over-looked subject would be dandy. I have to admit that I was at a point in my life where I was looking for a good guy, a decent relationship, and not a dangerous but sexy guy. I guess my criteria for what I was looking for had changed as I matured, and I was ready to appreciate a good guy.
Trialbyfire Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Any advice for those women who still haven't clued in to the good guy mystique?Yes! Don't confuse a good guy with the term, nice guy. Good men are real, in that they are balanced individuals. Nice guys tend to be fake, amorphous blobs with no boundaries or set personalities. Plenty of victimhood, not enough confidence.
Stung Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Yes! Don't confuse a good guy with the term, nice guy. Good men are real, in that they are balanced individuals. Nice guys tend to be fake, amorphous blobs with no boundaries or set personalities. Plenty of victimhood, not enough confidence. This is an excellent point, IMO. Good guys and "nice guys" are not necessarily the same thing; the men who whine the loudest about being "nice guys" are frequently, in my anecdotal experience, self-absorbed and entitled losers who completely miss the point. As for advice on embracing the Good Guy, it's a point of personal development, I guess? I was involved in destructive relationship after destructive relationship, I was buried and wallowing in misery for years. I had to really take a step back and examine the whys and wherefores of this. In my own case, I believe it came from a serious self-esteem problem developed as a survivor of abuse. I had to work on myself, develop my inner strengths, self-love, and independence. Mr. Stung has wished aloud that we met earlier in life, but I'm thankful that we didn't meet until I was in my thirties, and ready to be a partner to him.
Author Capricciosa Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 I agree that TBF makes an excellent point, as do you Stung, especially about when one is ready for a good guy. I ran the gamut from not valuing good guys to being obsessed with bad guys who mistreated me. It took a huge shift in perspective to actually recognize that being treated well, consistently, was worth more than the adrenaline of my infatuations. Unstable men create a lot of chemistry, which is why (beyond personal issues), we get so gaga over them. I think it's too simple to just put it down to lack of self love, though I'm sure it plays a big part in the whole phenomenon. But what I think is equally important is the fact that those bad relationships generate a lot of chemistry and drama, which can feel fabulous, at least at first (why deny it?). In a 7 month relationship with a handsome and charming abuser, the first 5 weeks were off-the-charts: we spent every minute together and were transported to some magical place where only the very lucky in love reside. Of course, it all turned to crap after that, but it would be a lie to say it didn't feel good, until it didn't--and then it was abysmal. I have a good guy now, and he offers many many things that I value and appreciate and enjoy. But I really had to give up on that adrenalin high as an indicator of romantic worth in order to open myself up to a different experience. I started thinking about this when a friend came over and told me she didn't trust the guy she's been seeing for a year because he was too willing to do things for her, while she's still romanticizing a guy (now dead) who basically treated her with, at best, ambivalence and was completely unreliable. How to help such a woman out of her trap?
start-fresh Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I really enjoyed reading this thread and it's interesting to see how none of the younger posters that fill the dating forum with drama have anything to say here. Somebody brought up in a different thread though that women eventually choosing a 'good guy' or 'nice guy' are essentially settling for the safe choice after they've repeatedly failed with the type of guy that really lights their fire. That's an interesting (although more cynical) viewpoint but sounds kind of true after reading a few of these posts. What are your thoughts on that?
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Somebody brought up in a different thread though that women eventually choosing a 'good guy' or 'nice guy' are essentially settling for the safe choice after they've repeatedly failed with the type of guy that really lights their fire. That's an interesting (although more cynical) viewpoint but sounds kind of true after reading a few of these posts. What are your thoughts on that?I can't speak for the other members but I never was big on the bad boy. Sure, I played with bad boys but it was a conscious catch and release program, where I didn't get invested. I've made some mistakes in partner choices but gravitating towards bad boys wasn't my thing, beyond a game. My guy is a combination of traits. He can be snippy and cranky, just like I can be. I don't expect him to be sweet 100% of the time. I do love that when things start escalating into a fight, he locks into negotiator mode and defrays the situation. A skill I can admire and respect. I suspect that for some of the more sensitive members, my fiance would and could hurt their feelings. For that matter, I hurt feelings on LS. This is what makes us work so well, in that we're both insensitive to similar degrees but can recover from it.
Stung Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I agree that TBF makes an excellent point, as do you Stung, especially about when one is ready for a good guy. I ran the gamut from not valuing good guys to being obsessed with bad guys who mistreated me. It took a huge shift in perspective to actually recognize that being treated well, consistently, was worth more than the adrenaline of my infatuations. Unstable men create a lot of chemistry, which is why (beyond personal issues), we get so gaga over them. I think it's too simple to just put it down to lack of self love, though I'm sure it plays a big part in the whole phenomenon. But what I think is equally important is the fact that those bad relationships generate a lot of chemistry and drama, which can feel fabulous, at least at first (why deny it?). In a 7 month relationship with a handsome and charming abuser, the first 5 weeks were off-the-charts: we spent every minute together and were transported to some magical place where only the very lucky in love reside. Of course, it all turned to crap after that, but it would be a lie to say it didn't feel good, until it didn't--and then it was abysmal. I have a good guy now, and he offers many many things that I value and appreciate and enjoy. But I really had to give up on that adrenalin high as an indicator of romantic worth in order to open myself up to a different experience. I started thinking about this when a friend came over and told me she didn't trust the guy she's been seeing for a year because he was too willing to do things for her, while she's still romanticizing a guy (now dead) who basically treated her with, at best, ambivalence and was completely unreliable. How to help such a woman out of her trap? Responding quickly to the bolded parts: I did the bad boy thing, but it was no greater high or adrenaline rush for me than getting involved with a good guy...the attraction, the excitement, that was all about the rush and newness of any interesting romance for me, and not an addiction to drama. So in my case, the main difference is that with my current partner the thrill is STILL THERE after four years; it has mellowed slightly with age, but it has real love to back it up, so it hasn't crashed or fizzled after a few weeks and turned into psychodrama like it might have if he were another bad boy. I'm sure other women have other, and complex,reasons for their pursuit of the highs and lows of the bad boy; we are all of us seeking something for various reasons, and not always something that's good for us. I can only speak for my own reasons. My bad relationships were largely a misery to me, something I most likely subconsciously sought out, but only because I didn't know any different or understand how to find something better. I DEFINITELY did not "settle" for Mr. Stung. I worked damn hard to get where I am and I have never been happier. I have never been more open with or to a man, mentally, emotionally, or sexually; sometimes it takes us to wild places. Almost every day he manages to make me feel cherished, respected, and dirty hot, it's awesome.
Author Capricciosa Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Somebody brought up in a different thread though that women eventually choosing a 'good guy' or 'nice guy' are essentially settling for the safe choice after they've repeatedly failed with the type of guy that really lights their fire. That's an interesting (although more cynical) viewpoint but sounds kind of true after reading a few of these posts. What are your thoughts on that? I guess it depends what lights your fire. If it's exciting, but unhealthy, it is only logical to eventually choose something else. I don't think it is about settling, but about expanding rather limited horizons. And I used bad boy as a general term. There are all manner of jerks out there, and all manner of unsuccessful relationships that have nothing to do with the classic bad boy type. Also, if you've had a history of difficult relationships, there is no safe choice. There is just hoping making a better choice will turn out better. Nothing is guaranteed, with anyone. Many people with lots of wounds are in risky territory simply trying to have any relationship again. It's taken me months to actually believe that my good guy is not a jerk in disguise.
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