Mycroft Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I dont want to get into much detail, its silly and probably pointless. But a girl I went on a date with, we had a great time, like each others company, etc. She seems very interested in me. Well we were on chat later that week, got into a stupid argument about nothing really, and rather than coming to some understanding, she logged off. At that point I decided screw it, basically I was planning on never talking to her again. The longer it went on I was more sure that we were through anyways. Well 3 days later she msgd me, "how are you" and I wasnt sure how to respond. I was nice and we talked for maybe 5 min then I said I had to go. So I suppose most people will tell me to forget about her, and logically it makes sense. But I DID really like this girl, maybe im just being too critical? I'm a forgiving person and would like to give her another chance, but at the same time I will not let it go. I'm too much of a hardass when it comes to how people treat eachother(especially me! ;p). But would there be a productive way to talk about it? Let her know that I wont put up with that? I dont really want to be so demanding so early on, but I feel its that or nothing. Any input is appreciated
carhill Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I'm too much of a hardass when it comes to how people treat eachother(especially me! ;p). But would there be a productive way to talk about it? Let her know that I wont put up with that? Well, being a hardass gets one a lot of alone time in life Resolve to never have arguments with a romantic interest unless you can look that person in the eye. If they start through other means, say you want to meet in person to discuss it. In this case, when she contacted you again, your 5 minutes of nice conversation should have been concluded with you asking her out again. Otherwise, why did you accept her communication? If she meant nothing, why bother? If she meant something, ask her out. A true connection survives a lifetime of such arguments. The key is in knowing how to resolve them and support each other. All that takes time. Time a hard ass might not be willing to put in. Will you reconsider?
lora22 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Maybe it depends on what you were arguing about. But generally I agree with Carhill on this.
Author Mycroft Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Thanks for the response Carhill! If I had to guess your response, it would have been the opposite advice. I am a hardass about how people treat each other, and yes, probably too much so sometimes. Its not a lonely life though, just single lol. It has been a problem with women at times. See 1 personality flaw and give up the pursuit. I know im no where near perfect, but I almost expect the communication between me and a S/O to be. I was quite turned off by this, but now she seems to be trying to make up. While its not really an apology(I have to admit that's what I want), the effort and realization that the ball was in her court intrigues me. So do I pretend it never happened? I need to fool myself here too.
carhill Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Any further advice is predicated upon the details of the argument. If I'm going to shoot myself in the foot I might as well have the right bullets
lora22 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I still think it depends on what the argument was about.
TaraMaiden Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 So do I pretend it never happened? I need to fool myself here too. No, but I think you need to re-examine your parameters and ask yourself whay you are so inflexible and unforgiving? You had an argument. Your first in the relationship. She then tries to reconcile, but you make an excuse to cut things short. Tell me.... what gives you the right to not only be so judgemental, but be so defining of your and others' behaviour? As carhill points out - you're in for a lonely time if your response to trivial bickering (Silly, pointless, trivial): What will you do when something serious happens - move abroad? _/l\_
Author Mycroft Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Maybe it depends on what you were arguing about. But generally I agree with Carhill on this. It wasnt even about us. It wasnt really an argument. We met in a social club, I brought up some administrative BS which she didnt appreciate I guess. She gave me a couple short responses, to which I thought we were having a discussion, then she logged. I thought everything was cool until she logged off, then didnt talk to me for days(we were talking quite often).
carhill Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Yeah, I know....what I called discussions my wife called fights. It's all about perception So, trivial. She went silent for awhile, then contacted you. Call her up and ask her out...
lora22 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 It wasnt even about us. It wasnt really an argument. We met in a social club, I brought up some administrative BS which she didnt appreciate I guess. She gave me a couple short responses, to which I thought we were having a discussion, then she logged. I thought everything was cool until she logged off, then didnt talk to me for days(we were talking quite often). Oh, since it doesn't have anything to do with your relationship, I think you're being really inflexible on this. Sounds like maybe she was annoyed; she got over it, and she contacted you. Maybe you offended her, and she didn't know who to handle that situation with someone she likes but doesn't know well.
Author Mycroft Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 No, but I think you need to re-examine your parameters and ask yourself whay you are so inflexible and unforgiving? You had an argument. Your first in the relationship. She then tries to reconcile, but you make an excuse to cut things short. Tell me.... what gives you the right to not only be so judgemental, but be so defining of your and others' behaviour? As carhill points out - you're in for a lonely time if your response to trivial bickering (Silly, pointless, trivial): What will you do when something serious happens - move abroad? _/l\_ The thing is, even though we were online in chat, it felt the same as hanging up the phone on me. Don't people always say your first argument often sets the stage for the rest of them? THAT is what is scaring me, that if we did get serious, and we had a real fight, would she not talk to me for days? On top of that I'm not judgmental just to be so. Its not even something I think about. My attraction for her dropped to almost nothing when that happened. After talking to her and thinking about it I'm trying to get myself to reconsider, I am. With friends its different, I can let things go, learn to live with them. But it makes pursuing a girl hard for me. Its not often I meet girls that im attracted to beyond the physical level and when I do im excited about it and full of energy. Its not energy I can just turn on and off for any girl I want to court.
Author Mycroft Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Big thanks all, I'm glad I asked! I was so sure of myself lol What an ass... I will just forget about it then. I don't think I will ever bring this up, but I will make sure to have face to face conversations about anything important in the future.
missmich Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I hate having arguments with anyone over something like MSN or in texts. You can never tell the what tone they are using or if they may be joking. I had a very stupid fight on MSN once with someone I thought was a good friend and it ended up ending the friendship we had. She wouldn't even let me say sorry or talk in person or on the phone to try and understand things. I now refuse to argue on MSN and if it gets heated there I ask the person to call me. It is rude to just log off or leave the convo during an arugument. It is like hanging up the phone or leaving the room in the middle of something that's gotten heated. Since it's a new realtionship and the fight wasn't serious I'd just mention that next time you preffer she tell you she's upset or whatever instead of just logging off like that.
kostoronto Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I hate having arguments with anyone over something like MSN or in texts. You can never tell the what tone they are using or if they may be joking. I had a very stupid fight on MSN once with someone I thought was a good friend and it ended up ending the friendship we had. She wouldn't even let me say sorry or talk in person or on the phone to try and understand things. I now refuse to argue on MSN and if it gets heated there I ask the person to call me. It is rude to just log off or leave the convo during an arugument. It is like hanging up the phone or leaving the room in the middle of something that's gotten heated. Since it's a new realtionship and the fight wasn't serious I'd just mention that next time you preffer she tell you she's upset or whatever instead of just logging off like that. I couldn't agree more.
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