385 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 OK, this sorta goes off my other post but anyways, me and my girlfriend have been dating for a month and a half. She just recently has started saying that she 'loves' me - which in my mind is kinda ridiculous because we have only been dating for a month or so and we've only known each other for like 3 months. So I have a dilemma here. Yes I do like her a lot, but I can't say I 'love' her. What should I do? If I start saying 'I love you too' then I'll feel bad because I'd be lying to her. And I'm not that good of a liar so she'll catch on real fast. But if I don't say I 'love' her then she'll probably also feel bad because I don't feel the same way about her as she does about me. So what should I do? How can I make it known to her that I like her a lot, but just don't 'love' her yet without hurting her feelings?
Computer Chip Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Tell her you like her and she'll figure it out. Girls are smart.
Author 385 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Tell her you like her and she'll figure it out. Girls are smart. I do that actually a lot, but she wants me to love her but I'm not there yet.
carhill Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 So, tell me about the people you do say ILY to. That will help identify your pattern of expressing your emotions.
Author 385 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 So, tell me about the people you do say ILY to. That will help identify your pattern of expressing your emotions. For me, I don't toss around the word love often. Right now, I'd say I love you to my parents but that's it.
carhill Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 For me, I don't toss around the word love often. Right now, I'd say I love you to my parents but that's it. OK, you've known your parents for a couple of decades maybe and they've been a loving and supportive base from which you've launched this big adventure called life. Fair enough to say ILY to them. Who else?
kostoronto Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I think he said he would only say I love you to his parents.
Kamille Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Gah! I hate it when that happens. My ex said I love you within a month and it totally threw me for a loop. IMO, and personal experience has confirmed this, a month is too soon. All you know within a month is that you're infatuated with the other person... I much prefer an I love you once the dust of meeting someone who's swept you off your feet has settled, and you actually feel like you know the person and you know the relationship is going somewhere. I think Carhill is onto something though: to some people, there are varying degrees of I love you. Does your gf tell her friends she loves them when saying goodbye? Maybe she's just more cavalier then you are in expressing her love, like "I adore you, care for you and want you to know how much you mean to me" where, you, like me, attach 'love' to commitment. In this case, I would be honest with her, but in a light teasing way: "you love me? let me tell you what... I am crazy about you but I want to wait until I feel more grounded before I say those three words." Hopefully she won't freak out.
carhill Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I think he said he would only say I love you to his parents. Yes, I understood that and, as Kamille intimates, I'm going somewhere with this Tell me, OP, how many young ladies have you had sexual relations with? Did you love any of them? My next process is to establish the connection (or disconnection, as appropriate) of love and sexual intimacy for you. Do you like taking risks? Why?
Author 385 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Gah! I hate it when that happens. My ex said I love you within a month and it totally threw me for a loop. IMO, and personal experience has confirmed this, a month is too soon. All you know within a month is that you're infatuated with the other person... I much prefer an I love you once the dust of meeting someone who's swept you off your feet has settled, and you actually feel like you know the person and you know the relationship is going somewhere. I think Carhill is onto something though: to some people, there are varying degrees of I love you. Does your gf tell her friends she loves them when saying goodbye? Maybe she's just more cavalier then you are in expressing her love, like "I adore you, care for you and want you to know how much you mean to me" where, you, like me, attach 'love' to commitment. In this case, I would be honest with her, but in a light teasing way: "you love me? let me tell you what... I am crazy about you but I want to wait until I feel more grounded before I say those three words." Hopefully she won't freak out. Yeah, I month is a little too soon. And I get what Carhill is saying, but she's not the type that throws love around all the time. Or at least I don't ever hear her say 'I love you' to her friends and stuff some some girls do. I might do what you say and say something along those lines. Thanks
Author 385 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Yes, I understood that and, as Kamille intimates, I'm going somewhere with this Tell me, OP, how many young ladies have you had sexual relations with? Did you love any of them? My next process is to establish the connection (or disconnection, as appropriate) of love and sexual intimacy for you. Do you like taking risks? Why? I don't understand why it's so important to you what my definition of love is. I know when I'm in love and I know when I should say it. The problem here is that she likes me more than I like her. Like on a graph, if the X axis is time and the Y axis is how much you like the other person. She has a steeper slope than I do.
carhill Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Well, you started the thread. Let's re-read the title
Soul Bear Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Carhill, you are possibly the smartest person on here OP, try to answer his questions if your looking for answers
BubblyPopcorn Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Carhill, you are possibly the smartest person on here OP, try to answer his questions if your looking for answers I love reading Carhill's posts, it's like group therapy
carhill Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 OP, I'm pursuing this because I had exactly the same issue for many years. Each of us has our own 'reasons'. Yours are not mine. Your path will be different. Clearly seeing the path is the important work. Think about this..... if you told your GF today that you loved her, what would be your biggest fear? Why? Edited to add that I in no way would ever expect or desire you to do or say something you did not wish to do or say; rather, I'm trying to discover the motivations behind your actions and words... hope that helps
Ruby Slippers Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 And you wonder why she won't have sex with you? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190465/
carhill Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Thanks for that. I was banging out a bathroom this weekend and missed it...... will go back and read that and the earlier threads before commenting further.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Carhill, you are possibly the smartest person on here OP, try to answer his questions if your looking for answers I love reading Carhill's posts, it's like group therapy LOL...I imagine him with Dr Katz's voice.
lizzylizliz Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Totally. I'm actually really interested now. This sounds like it's going somewhere! Plus, my o/h and I are in the same boat, and it'd interest me to know what makes guys like this tick. Oooh, the psychology!
Author 385 Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Well, you started the thread. Let's re-read the title I guess I titled it wrong. Basically what I meant is I can't say 'I love her' as in literally I can't say that or I'd be lying. Not as in I don't know how I feel. So I guess in other words, I don't love her yet - but that doesn't mean that down the road I won't love her. But I do like her a lot. Plus it's only been a month - not like it's been a year or something. If it was a year or even 3 months or so and I still don't love her, then there's a problem.
carhill Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 So, what do you feel when you put your penis in her vagina, assuming that has happened? If not, what will you need to feel? When she whispers ILY to you when you're both in the most intimate of intimate positions, how does/will that make you feel? Have you ever said ILY to a woman?
MissMissie Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Just simply tell her how you really feel. She may be hurt at that moment but she'll thank you in the long run. Who knows, maybe if she just back off a little and give you time to develop feelings for her, she could win your heart. You just take it slow and never let anybody dictate your life or your feelings. Good luck.
xBellax Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 just be honest. tell her you care for her but want to be sure you mean it when you do eventually say it. she'll be hurt either way but leaving the door open that one day you want to love her should make her feel a bit better. if she doesn't respect your feelings than obviously shes not right for you. you can't be forced into saying something you don't mean.
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