soserious1 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I'm kind of sick of thinking about and focusing on the demise of my marriage and my ex's infidelity. To be sure I've got to take the important lessons away from this experience but I'm also looking to start making a new life for myself, one without him in it, something you can't do if you allow your ex rent free space in your daily thoughts. Let's get a thread going on more advanced recovery related issues shall we?
jwi71 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I'm kind of sick of thinking about and focusing on the demise of my marriage and my ex's infidelity. To be sure I've got to take the important lessons away from this experience but I'm also looking to start making a new life for myself, one without him in it, something you can't do if you allow your ex rent free space in your daily thoughts. Let's get a thread going on more advanced recovery related issues shall we? Well, after filing for my D from my WW I decided to go back to school. Again. And wouldn't you know it...first class this young, cute, tight 24-ish y.o. Chinese girl (34B by my guess) sits next to me (not one seat away mind you) and starts chatting me up. Ah...I also used to wonder how the older guys (I'm 38) always got those young hot girls....now I know! Lets just say it was a good week. Or, to quote Wayne's World...."Shwing!":)
Author soserious1 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 LOL!! Good for you, somehow though I don't think my using Wayne's World to gauge my recovery would work out so good!
seibert253 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Well, after filing for my D from my WW I decided to go back to school. Again. And wouldn't you know it...first class this young, cute, tight 24-ish y.o. Chinese girl (34B by my guess) sits next to me (not one seat away mind you) and starts chatting me up. Ah...I also used to wonder how the older guys (I'm 38) always got those young hot girls....now I know! Lets just say it was a good week. Or, to quote Wayne's World...."Shwing!":) Nice. I love it. Things like this helped me cope. When word got around the gym that the WW and I were possibly going our seperate ways, the ladies came out of the woodwork. It was kind of funny to see them waiting for me to come into spin class, and jousting to get a bike next to me.
angie2443 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I think the above responses work better for the guys. I think spending time with friends and family and finding new activities to enjoy would help one to move on. College isn't a bad either. I remember telling someone I was nervous about going back to school because I was no longer in my twenties. Since then, I've met a lot of people older than the twenty set who are taking a class of one sort or another. I'm looking forward to going back in a few years.
Reggie Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I focused on golf and turned professional, a lifelong dream. I resigned myself, after dating for a while, that I would just relax in that area and , if I meet someone by chance and we click, so be it. The testosterone has dropped some , at this age, and the forces driving me as a younger guy have abated , somewhat(not dead yet). So , it is sort of relaxing. I try to be a good dad,and I plan on hitchiking through the desert soutwest this fall. I've been grinding it out at work for over 35 years now. I'd just disappear into the desert, stop practicing law and be a golf course laborer or pro , if it was not for the kids need for $$. This has been a painful education on what to expect from life and particularly relationships. But, in a way, it is very freeing. I'm going to do some other things I've wanted to do, like visit Europe and South America. I'm going to take some risks and try to play some senior tour events.
GorillaTheater Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 <sheepishly tiptoes into thread> I'm really glad to see this mental shift, SoSerious. It's great to see. I'd like to take credit for it through my mean, boorish and inexcusable behavior, but I value my hide. There's a little-explored and under-utilized matchmaker within me that would like to introduce you to Lakeside Dream ...
marlena Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 For me, it was making new, interesting and exciting friends to have fun with. And back to flirting outrageously. A year later, a two month fling and off I went. No thoughts of ex whatsoever except to be grateful that he was gone and I was finally living again. I'm sure that in time you will learn to appreciate the luxury of doing what you please, when you please and if you please. You will relish the peace and quiet, the absence of conflict, the time to yourself. All else will follow.
Author soserious1 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 <sheepishly tiptoes into thread> I'm really glad to see this mental shift, SoSerious. It's great to see. I'd like to take credit for it through my mean, boorish and inexcusable behavior, but I value my hide. There's a little-explored and under-utilized matchmaker within me that would like to introduce you to Lakeside Dream ... LOL, Lakeside is a lovely person but I'm not ready to date anybody by a long shot, I don't have anything of substance built back up yet in my emotional reserves, plus I'm going to Costa Rica for work very soon, it wouldn't be fair to a new person or to me.
GorillaTheater Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I hear Costa Rica is beautiful, I hope you have a great time. But I have a co-worker with (wealthy) relatives there, if you want to re-think the matchmaking thing.
bentnotbroken Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Went back to school, took up new hobbies and some old ones(roller skating) became favorites again. I learned to just hang with my kids and listen at what they have to say about life. They are so cool. I learned to take care of me. I pamper way more than I did before and I discovered there really is a girl underneath this boyish exterior:p
OpenBook Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 LOL, Lakeside is a lovely person but I'm not ready to date anybody by a long shot, I don't have anything of substance built back up yet in my emotional reserves, plus I'm going to Costa Rica for work very soon, it wouldn't be fair to a new person or to me. Dang, talk about a great way to start a new life!! Next we'll be hearing about "How SoSerious Got Her Groove Back." You go girl!!
Mr. Lucky Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I'm kind of sick of thinking about and focusing on the demise of my marriage and my ex's infidelity. Soserious, it's great to see this newly positive and more optimistic flavor to your posts. I wish you well on your "recovery" . Like Reggie and others, I wasn't ready to jump back into the dating pool so I simply focused on staying as busy as possible. I joined every tennis and volleyball league available and made sure than when I walked in the door at night my body was tired and my mind was clear. Important to avoid those tequila-fueled lonley nights of sadness and looking backwards... Mr. Lucky
DNU1 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Great thread, and very timely for me. I'm so FREAK'IN happy i don't have an STD to deal with any more! Last week I was just beginning to see the light at end of tunnel...that I would some day possibly meet someone who could meet my needs, meet me half-way in a relationship, not the ultimate *taker* that my STBx had become. And then STD crapola. And my world shrank! Light at end of tunnel gone...ICK. LIfetime of trying to explain to potential women friends that yep, I've got STD. Is that a dealbreaker? Now, FREEDOM! No STD! BAck to feeling great about my FREEDOM from this marriage! I'm still concentrating on my kiddos and helping myself heal. Only 3.5 weeks since I served my wife D papers. So wounds are fresh. And she was light of my life, my Queen, my best friend. So now I'm just focusing on me and taking care of MY needs, not hers. I'm planning to get the photography business rolling (have been talking about it for a while), and build a new computer. A few weekend vacations with kiddos this summer. Hopefully a full-time job in the future. Something that drives me and gives me more than just a paycheck. Keep this thread rolling...it's good medicine!
Recommended Posts