Anyone else grow up with stress or Anxiety from a stressed out Parent???

[lowandlower]

I have a problem.....I'm 28 . I grew up with a single Mom, who always a loving Mom but had this way of making us feel guilty or feel bad if we(my sister and I)

didn't do a chore correctly or sweep the floor correctly.... or weren't able to help her out. It sounds like normal Parent/child stuff but When we were older(teens) she'd make us feel really bad for going out with friends if she wanted us to stay and help her with something, anything, so we'd end up staying home. She was always very dramatic, always stressed out, always blowing things way out of proportion, always getting angry or making us feel bad over the silliest little things like not putting a bag in the trashcan and get stressed out and yell at us about: "Why can't anybody do the simplest thing around here" "If you want something done, I just have to do it myself." "Get out of my face, You make me Sick". or if we gave her any sort of attitude it was always "God, give me the strehgth to not beat the sh*t out of you right now".

 

We were good kids too. We were never rebellious or irresponsible. We always wanted to please her..Me and my sister are finding that in our adult lives, That we get stressed out easily. We let little things bother us, even in our relationships.. I grew up with a lot of anxiety and stress and a feeling like, I didn't fit in and i think it's because of our MOM. She was great in teaching us good values and good morals, but she whenever she would freak out on us, it really messed us up i think. It's like, it wasn't so much Physical abuse, It was more Mental abuse, feel inadequate and letting small things worry and bug us.

 

Anyway, I want to go to a doctor to get drugs and I think i am finally starting to get a good handle on it, But I just want to know if anyone else has had this problem??? What can you do to get over it? I feel like it had dictated the way i've handled many things and many situations in my life. I still fear to this day to go against anything that my mom says or to get on her bad side or offend her because, she can get so dramatic and would probaly yell at me and make me feel bad.

[HokeyReligions]

In a word; Therapy.

 

My mom was diagnosed first with depression (after I was an adult) then later she was properly diagnosed as bi-polar.

 

I know what you mean about the stress and anxiety. I had to get help too, medical help with drugs for depression (short term) and therapy to help deal with everything.

 

A comedian once said that parents always know which of your buttons to press because they installed them!

 

You are not alone and I'm glad that you are working on this. With a good therapist you and your sister will be able to work thorough this.

 

BTW: My mother now lives with my husband and I & has been with us for almost 5 years now. She very seldom, VERY VERY seldom pushes my buttons since I found the off-switch within myself.

[lowandlower]

i'm sorry, I meant That, I DON"T want to have to go to a doctor tog et drugs or have to go to a therapist. I feel like I can almost get a good handle on it, But i just need advice on which switches to switch on my brain

[moimeme]

That's why you go to a therapist. They know the best switches to switch and how to go about it. It's their job.

[lowandlower]

What if you have no money to go to a therapist, What Then???

 

What can a therapist tell me that Talking it out with some peers, can't fix? I appreciate your help, I mean, that's why i posted....

But i don't know, Part of me is too stubborn to go on drugs or go to a therapist, I just have never believed those kinds of things help.

[quankanne]

a good counselor will give you the tools you need to help make it through a situation without choking the other person or self-destructing, that's all.

 

I haven't gone to one, but have spent many hours talking with friends who give good counsel about dealing with my family. My dad was a holler-er, bitching and griping and pretty much doing anything to shoot down our self-esteem whenever he felt insecure about something, and that could be pretty often. My mother tried very hard to make up for that, so in some ways I came from a screwed up background. However, I learned not too long ago that he seems to "respect" when I stand up to him, yelling just a little bit louder than him to get my point across. Not very ladylike, but it works. Go figure.

 

Maybe it's time to empower yourself to a point where you tell your mother that you're not interested in whatever games she's trying to draw you into. She can only be successful in do that if you are willing to play along. Put your foot down. Kindly at first, then a bit more loudly and adamantly if need be after that.

 

My thought is this: if someone wants to be a jackass, well ... I can be a bigger jackass than them if I need to get my point across!