Chibaby Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Anyone ever have a good experience having an affair? Like you found the love of your life with a married man/woman and you lived happily ever after? Have you been grateful that you took the risk to leave you significant other for someone new? Was it worth it or does it always end poorly?
Stepone Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Interesting question. No fairytale for me personally, it just caused pain and destruction and loss all round and ended in me practically having to blackmail him to stay away - being vilified as a temptress in the community - and no contact with this man, til the end of time. Snow White didn't end well for the wicked queen, did it..... Can I add to this (hope you don't mind OP) : what are the hallmarks of an affair that ends the way the OP described? And what are the hallmarks of one which doesn't? Which are the affairs which do end up happily for the man and woman involved...? Do they have anything in common? I have heard all sorts of myths: if he doesn't leave after 1 month/ 3 months/ 6 months/ a year, he never will....... if he once lies to the OW, he is not the sort to leave... if you have sex with him he'll never leave.. he'll never leave unless he is addicted to the sex you had... he'll never leave if you pressure him to,... he'll only leave if you force him to..... he'll only leave if he was thinking about leaving before he met you... confusing huh. Oh not to mention the whole "once a cheat always a cheat..".. "when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy"... are these true? Would be really interested to know the answer to this if anyone answers this with a positive experience. It would make it easier for people in affairs to see if theirs was one which had the potential to last or not.
precious1357 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Anyone ever have a good experience having an affair? Like you found the love of your life with a married man/woman and you lived happily ever after? Have you been grateful that you took the risk to leave you significant other for someone new? Was it worth it or does it always end poorly? Chi: My girlfriend was the OW for awhile...her MM divorced his wife and they have been together for a couple of years now. They both have children from previous marriage. They are very happy. Its does happen...the percentage is not high but it does happen.
Confused4Now Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Of those I have seen on LS, the only ones who had the happy ending were those who refused to be the "extra helping" for a MP. They stood strong on making their MM/MW make a decision between the spouse and the AP. This is what I have to agree with....many times people get comfortable in a situation and for me the stronger I stood on my boundaries the more the MW would come to me. If I were to do it all over again. I would have gone NC sooner. Either way you will have your answer....
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Anyone ever have a good experience having an affair? Like you found the love of your life with a married man/woman and you lived happily ever after? Have you been grateful that you took the risk to leave you significant other for someone new? Was it worth it or does it always end poorly? First off, an A is not a GOOD experience. However, I did find the love of my life and we are living happily ever after based in reality. I am not the one who was married, he was. I can say that all the pain and confusion and the wait was definitely worth it. We are both imperfect but we are perfect for each other. I would never suggest this type of R for anyone, as they often end badly and hurtfully. But for us, we were meant to be together and reality has shown just that. So if you are hoping for a happy ending, all I can say is MAKE YOUR OWN HAPPY ENDING, and don't rely on anyone else. GEL
OWoman Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Anyone ever have a good experience having an affair? Like you found the love of your life with a married man/woman and you lived happily ever after? Have you been grateful that you took the risk to leave you significant other for someone new? Was it worth it or does it always end poorly? I guess mine was as "fairytale" as it gets (though the xW is still around on the sidelines, trying to sow discord). The A itself was great - there was none of the suffering and angst many of the OWs on LS post about; I got what I wanted in spades, and it suited me fine. At the point where we decided we wanted something full-time, he left his fW and after the D we Md. It was by no means smooth sailing throughout - anyone leaving a 30year M is going to be put through the wringer - but with the support of everyone around, we got through it stronger and more in love than ever. It certainly was worth it, for us. I don't see the point though of trying to read trends or laws into these things - every R is different (despite Owl's assertion that they all follow a script) and the only person who can tell if yours has a future is yourself - what are you prepared to accept, what is your bottom line, and are you getting it? If not, and you've been clear that that is what you need, then clearly it won't work out, and you need to look elsewhere. Hanging around on the off-chance that someone is miraculously going to come around to your POV is a monumental waste of effort and time and is bound to end in tears. Either be happy with what you're getting, or find what you really need somewhere else.
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