Author CandyGirlXO Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 This is EXACTLY what I didn't want a relationship and partly why I broke up with my ex... DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA I effin hate it, I can't stand it. He is probably is just cooling off, but each minute that passes I just get so upset. I mean I thought he wasn't like that. This is what I don't miss about being in a relationship.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Ahh..so he is taking you now? Once you get there, see what the gathering is like. Ask yourself if there was a good reason not to invite you to it in the first place. If your answer is no, I would keep my feelings in check with this guy. You dont have to dump him, just play it safe. Nope I WAS NOT invited, and I am not inviting myself
WineCountry Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Wait..i thought i read he bought tickets..i thought you meant he was taking you now. Am i misunderstanding?
WineCountry Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Nope I WAS NOT invited, and I am not inviting myself Oh okay..im sorry i misunderstood.
lora22 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 WineCountry makes some good points, but in this instance I still disagree. Personal anecdote that may or may not help you: a couple years ago I went to a wedding with my then-bf; he and I had dated all through college. I knew his friends really well, and it was one of his friends who was getting married. I had only met the fiance a couple of times, and didn't know ANY of her friends. Because of this, the fact that I'm a girl means I was excluded from most of the pre-wedding things, such as the engagement stuff, until the bridal shower. It was actually a VERY similar situation that you've described, except not Vegas. The reason for this was most of those activities were about my bf hanging out with the guys - he doesn't want to be thinking about me in that case, and that's fine with me, I wanted him to have his guy time, and I didn't want to be there for it, nor did I want to have to hang out with a bunch of girls who knew each other really well and didn't know me at all. Anyways, all of us are different, and only you can decide if you're comfortable with things.
Jilly Bean Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 WineCountry makes some good points, but in this instance I still disagree. Personal anecdote that may or may not help you: a couple years ago I went to a wedding with my then-bf; he and I had dated all through college. I knew his friends really well, and it was one of his friends who was getting married. I had only met the fiance a couple of times, and didn't know ANY of her friends. Because of this, the fact that I'm a girl means I was excluded from most of the pre-wedding things, such as the engagement stuff, until the bridal shower. It was actually a VERY similar situation that you've described, except not Vegas. The reason for this was most of those activities were about my bf hanging out with the guys - he doesn't want to be thinking about me in that case, and that's fine with me, I wanted him to have his guy time, and I didn't want to be there for it, nor did I want to have to hang out with a bunch of girls who knew each other really well and didn't know me at all. Anyways, all of us are different, and only you can decide if you're comfortable with things. Yeah, but this isn't like she's not being invited to a bridal shower. It's Vegas, for a weekend, with mixed attendees - male and female, and I don't think for a second that the guys are going off alone all weekend, as will the girls. I mean, we know for sure there is ONE couple going - I have to assume there are many more in the group of 20.
WineCountry Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 WineCountry makes some good points, but in this instance I still disagree. Personal anecdote that may or may not help you: a couple years ago I went to a wedding with my then-bf; he and I had dated all through college. I knew his friends really well, and it was one of his friends who was getting married. I had only met the fiance a couple of times, and didn't know ANY of her friends. Because of this, the fact that I'm a girl means I was excluded from most of the pre-wedding things, such as the engagement stuff, until the bridal shower. It was actually a VERY similar situation that you've described, except not Vegas. The reason for this was most of those activities were about my bf hanging out with the guys - he doesn't want to be thinking about me in that case, and that's fine with me, I wanted him to have his guy time, and I didn't want to be there for it, nor did I want to have to hang out with a bunch of girls who knew each other really well and didn't know me at all. Anyways, all of us are different, and only you can decide if you're comfortable with things. Lora has some good points too. Since this is only a 5 month relationship..maybe you can just call this one a draw then. I mean, has he been okay with including you in things prior to this? Meaning, does he SEEM to be intergrating you into his life? If so, and this is the only thing he has done to make you feel left out, then perhaps giving him a pass is worth it.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Yeah I know, and there is a slight problem. I am okay with strip clubs, and he knows it, but I am NOT okay with lapdances. He on the other hand doesn't see anything wrong with it. I view it as borderline cheating, he doesn't agree. Before he has agreed that he wouldn't go because according to him, the only reason why guys go to a stripclub is to get lapdances, and if all the other guys are getting one, then he will feel rude if he doesn't participate. That makes zero sense to me. My friend used to work at a strip club, I have gone a lot. And they can be a group of guys where half will get a lapdance and half won't, no biggie. I am sure that if they are in Vegas they will go to a stripclub and I am sure my BF will probably get a lapdance, since he sees nothing wrong with that.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Lora has some good points too. Since this is only a 5 month relationship..maybe you can just call this one a draw then. I mean, has he been okay with including you in things prior to this? Meaning, does he SEEM to be intergrating you into his life? If so, and this is the only thing he has done to make you feel left out, then perhaps giving him a pass is worth it. Yeah he is bought me around his friends and family, and makes me a part of his life. Now I feel like I just blew this. Maybe I should have not said anything to begin with..... I mean should I apologize for accusing him?
lora22 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I am sure that if they are in Vegas they will go to a stripclub and I am sure my BF will probably get a lapdance, since he sees nothing wrong with that. I feel like this might have a lot to do with why you're so uncomfortable with this situation...
WineCountry Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Yeah he is bought me around his friends and family, and makes me a part of his life. Now I feel like I just blew this. Maybe I should have not said anything to begin with..... I mean should I apologize for accusing him? You can if it makes you feel better. But, i wouldnt over do it. Im still not 100% on this.... im just agreeing with Lora that maybe its not as bad as it seems. BUT..BUT.. im not 100% convinced. Im just saying I agree that you could just give him a pass on it if he has been decent with you all this time. He just doesnt feel like including you THIS time, which he has the right i suppose. The fact that other couples are going makes me a bit....hmm.....well.... But, just dont make a big deal over it one way or another I guess, at this point. Let it blow over.
lora22 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Yeah, let me just throw out there that, again, I'm also on the fence about this situation. However, I can see some points in the bf's favor, or maybe what his side could be. Since most people were ready to castrate the bf, I didn't want to just agree - because I can see another side. I'm not sure where I stand on it...just trying to offer some perspective or alternate possibilities.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Yeah part of me thinks I should apologize for accusing him, but he should see my point that the story just seems fishy. Also he has told me multiple times that he does not like apologizes, so I don't really see the point. He hung up on me so the ball is in his court. I feel like he is just never going to call me again.
Katherineos123 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Hi Candy.... Im sorry to read about your predicament. I must say that I agree with both sides of the argument in that I understand why you would feel jealous/insecure/angry... whatever you want to call it... On the other hand, I also see where your bf might be coming from in that he wants to see some of his old friends, without having to play the role of the "host" all weekend... meaning introducing you, making sure youre comfortable... blah blah blah.. That being said. I think that I mightve said something to my bf if I were in the same situation.. it does seem to be a LITTLE dicey if you ask me. I personally WOULDNT call him. You brought up a rational concern of yours, which is a normal and healthy thing to do in a relationship. If this is something that irked you, I think you had every right to talk to him about it... and as far as I could tell, you didnt attack him... He reacted poorly and immaturley by hanging up on you. Now... I may be a stubborn Irish woman But the way I see it. HE is in the wrong. Not you. And if he truly cares about you, not only should he see where youre coming from, but he should be able to swallow his pride and call you to smooth things over before the trip. I know you said you work with him... YEESH! But liek you said the ball is MOST certainely in his court. Act accordingly.
Star Gazer Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Are you best friends with the guy that's about to propose, or the girl that's about to be proposed to, or something? Because if not, I don't see why you should feel hurt for not being invited to an event being planned by someone else, as your BF isn't controlling the invite list. (Maybe I missed something?) I also don't see how he "lied" to you. BUT the Twitter thing and hanging up on you was very childish. May I ask how old you both are? I'm guessing early 20's?
Author CandyGirlXO Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Are you best friends with the guy that's about to propose, or the girl that's about to be proposed to, or something? Because if not, I don't see why you should feel hurt for not being invited to an event being planned by someone else, as your BF isn't controlling the invite list. (Maybe I missed something?) I also don't see how he "lied" to you. BUT the Twitter thing and hanging up on you was very childish. May I ask how old you both are? I'm guessing early 20's? He is 30, and I am 27... The story just seemed made-up so I accused him of lying to me, thats what happened. Then he hung up after I accused him of lying.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 So I finally called him, because I was on the phone with my friend and my phone hung up on her, so I started thinking that maybe I hung up on him accidently and this whole thing he could be thinking that. So I called, and I said I was on the phone and it hung up on my friend so I was thinking that maybe my phone hung up on you, and he admitted to me, he said no I hung up on you. We talked for about an hour, and sorted everything out as much as possible... just thought I would let all of you know. Thanks for everyones advice!
Author CandyGirlXO Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Are you best friends with the guy that's about to propose, or the girl that's about to be proposed to, or something? Because if not, I don't see why you should feel hurt for not being invited to an event being planned by someone else, as your BF isn't controlling the invite list. Excellent point! Thanks for that insight! I do feel so much better about it, and after talking to him about it I really actually do believe his story. I guess I just didn't hear the whole story. But now it makes more sense, and if I am going to be with this guy, I need to trust him. That is key. So I am going to trust him, thats my own issue. I know I have trust issues.
Queen of Hearts Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I think all of his cousins are this guys friends too. Some guys get weird when they are the only male in the group. Maybe he is thinking you might feel awkward if it is all men and then you. Or, maybe he just wants some time with his guy friends, which is ok, too. Ask him.
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