Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 I felt like I was caught in the crossfire for Gunny & TIY - but they agree on one thing... I'm a doormat. This place is a savior for my sanity.
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 Thanks to all - your views really help ... Monclair your words really nailed my situation. You really describe my world. Today, the wife gets home from work, runs out with my son to 'get takeout'. They come home and he tells me "Mommy signed up for a new cell phone". (She hasn't taught him to lie yet.) We own 1 pay as you go phone, since we both sit next to phones all day, all we need is one for emergencies. We'll her affair is now at the level where they need to communicate 24/7. She also drops the bomb that she's taking my DS to her sisters for the weekend. I remind her he's OUR son and we need to discuss these things. I forgot how crazy life becomes when you spouse is in the middle of affair fog. I checked up on her and yes she called OM this am and was talking about 'loving him too quick' even though I was 'ready for anything' It still hurts more than I can describe. She constantly tries to pick fights, so she can justify her actions... man this wears me out.
WTFO Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Thanks to all - your views really help ... Monclair your words really nailed my situation. You really describe my world. Today, the wife gets home from work, runs out with my son to 'get takeout'. They come home and he tells me "Mommy signed up for a new cell phone". (She hasn't taught him to lie yet.) We own 1 pay as you go phone, since we both sit next to phones all day, all we need is one for emergencies. We'll her affair is now at the level where they need to communicate 24/7. She also drops the bomb that she's taking my DS to her sisters for the weekend. I remind her he's OUR son and we need to discuss these things. I forgot how crazy life becomes when you spouse is in the middle of affair fog. I checked up on her and yes she called OM this am and was talking about 'loving him too quick' even though I was 'ready for anything' It still hurts more than I can describe. She constantly tries to pick fights, so she can justify her actions... man this wears me out. Yup,been there, still getting the T shirt. My (cough,cough) wife or stbxw is the same way. IN A FN FOG. You want to know what. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THAT. I have to worry about me as well as my kids. I'm not going to bother with her life now. I totally except whats going on and each day she dies from my emotions. I say let em go. My buddy put it well."Why should you give a Sh*t,if she doesn't give a sh*t about you. You can't fit a aquare peg in a round hole" We are very amicable with each other. And I can except this. She also has no clue I know about the OM. I am moving to my own apt and we are sharing the kids 50/50. So my .02 says move on and put all the energy into yourself as well as your kid.
Gunny376 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 LOL, I bet you are well-liked. I'm respected! I live life on my terms. I teach others how to speak to me. I treat others the way I would want to be treated! I speak to others the way I would want to spoken to? I demand respect ~ I give respect. I treat others the way I would want to be treated ~ were I they? I look at others? And think, "But by the Grace of God? There go I?" I will not be lied to! I will not be cheated! I will not be laid a hand upon! I do not do these things to others, I will not have them done to me!
Gunny376 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Thanks to all - your views really help ... Monclair your words really nailed my situation. You really describe my world. Today, the wife gets home from work, runs out with my son to 'get takeout'. They come home and he tells me "Mommy signed up for a new cell phone". (She hasn't taught him to lie yet.) We own 1 pay as you go phone, since we both sit next to phones all day, all we need is one for emergencies. We'll her affair is now at the level where they need to communicate 24/7. She also drops the bomb that she's taking my DS to her sisters for the weekend. I remind her he's OUR son and we need to discuss these things. I forgot how crazy life becomes when you spouse is in the middle of affair fog. I checked up on her and yes she called OM this am and was talking about 'loving him too quick' even though I was 'ready for anything' It still hurts more than I can describe. She constantly tries to pick fights, so she can justify her actions... man this wears me out. Man! I laughing to think that I was once you! Not to be vicious! But I remember being so crazy in my thinking? This crap will really mess up your brain housing group! Like Just Another Dude said! There's another side! As PWSX3 said there is another-side to all of this! Life is worth living! There are so many people in life that are depending upon you! That need you in their life! That want you in their life!
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 ..... You can't fit a aquare peg in a round hole" We are very amicable with each other. And I can except this. She also has no clue I know about the OM. I am moving to my own apt and we are sharing the kids 50/50. So my .02 says move on and put all the energy into yourself as well as your kid. WTFO - thanks for the post. I don't think I explained the environment she creates. It's ALWAYS drama. I can't see myself moving out and leaving my son there... For example, she doesn't even have the ability to get him on the bus on time- the poor guy has panic in his voice at 7:30 am I changed my work sched to make sure I'm home to wake him, feed him, help him dress, comb his hair, brush his teeth and calmly walk him to the bus. If I leave things like that go with me.... She comes from that environment... All of her sisters are on their 2nd, 3rd marriages. Cheating is common in that family. Most of the nieces/nephews on her side drop out of school and have kids by the time they're 18. I don't want that for my son... that's all. On the other hand, If she we to leave,,, we'd be fine with our routines. She is actually a decent Mom when the FOG is not in the way... She just has some serious issues that she's chosen to ignore....
xpaperxcutx Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 WTFO - thanks for the post. I don't think I explained the environment she creates. It's ALWAYS drama. I can't see myself moving out and leaving my son there... For example, she doesn't even have the ability to get him on the bus on time- the poor guy has panic in his voice at 7:30 am I changed my work sched to make sure I'm home to wake him, feed him, help him dress, comb his hair, brush his teeth and calmly walk him to the bus. If I leave things like that go with me.... She comes from that environment... All of her sisters are on their 2nd, 3rd marriages. Cheating is common in that family. Most of the nieces/nephews on her side drop out of school and have kids by the time they're 18. I don't want that for my son... that's all. On the other hand, If she we to leave,,, we'd be fine with our routines. She is actually a decent Mom when the FOG is not in the way... She just has some serious issues that she's chosen to ignore.... FMA, you remind me of Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump. By your account you sound like an amazing father and I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. I hope you build up enough evidence to win custody of your son. I don't suppose you go to PTA meetings? Best chances are if you bond with other parents ( especially your son's friends' mothers) and the teachers, you will build a better rapport in front of a custody judge. Don't give up hope, especially since you seem like the kind of father who will protect his son no matter what. Try to find the best lawyer, if one lawyer doesn't meet your standards, go to another one. Those who give up midway will never know the end result especially if it's one that will conclude in their favor. Be strong.
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Thanks X- I don't feel like a great father... I'm supposed to prepare him from life, not teach him to hide from it. That's why I'm here- I'm being schooled by those who've traveled this road before me. Hopefully I can skip by some of the potholes
ebedmelech Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I don't have any advice for you my friend. I just showed up to express my support of you, and to commend you for "holding it down" I would also like to take this moment to express my complete bitterness with your wife's idiotic, childish, and selfish behavior. I am completely pissed. Why??? because all the ignorant ass women get the good men, and the good women get the ignorant ass men. I should know. I am a good woman who was married to a selfish, childish, ignorant ass man. I am so pissed off. GRRRRRRRRRR
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 OoooooRaaaahaaaah! A Man maining the hell up! Doing what he has to do! Doing what he needs to do! Being a man! Sucking it up! Doing what is needed to be when some woman flakes out! Loses it! Get out my way! Teach your son the "way!" Show him the way! Not to run! Not to hide! Not to be afraid! Not to be scared! Show him the "Spartian Way!" How to be a man! How to be strong! How to be independent! How to be free! How to be self-supportative! Self dependent! You ROCK!
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Thanks Embed... It does seem it work that way... It ain't fair! Gunny- You have a way with the words- It's that type of stuff that keeps me movin forward! I'm passed the point of no return! Schools out in a week everythings gonna hit the fan... Her recent affair has escallated to 'love' and she is really making it tough to share a house.... non stop lies, manipulation and mood swings... She belongs to a very loyal club. Her 4 'best' freinds are all women who've been married 3 and 4 times. The advice they give her is mindblowing.... I can't believe how people can justify some of the stuff they do. I have to stop spying, it really gets me riled up
xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Thanks Embed... It does seem it work that way... It ain't fair! Gunny- You have a way with the words- It's that type of stuff that keeps me movin forward! I'm passed the point of no return! Schools out in a week everythings gonna hit the fan... Her recent affair has escallated to 'love' and she is really making it tough to share a house.... non stop lies, manipulation and mood swings... She belongs to a very loyal club. Her 4 'best' freinds are all women who've been married 3 and 4 times. The advice they give her is mindblowing.... I can't believe how people can justify some of the stuff they do. I have to stop spying, it really gets me riled up You know what? Even if you do live under the same house as her, it doesn't mean you should let her presence affect your daily activities. Bring guy friends' home, watch football. Start movie clubs. Have a slumber party for your son or something. The more you let your free time idle away while watching your wife proceed with her "A', the more you're going to resent yourself. Live yourself like it's the 1980s ( hopefully those were good years for you? ). It is after your half of the house. She can't do a damn thing about it.
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 I don't remember the 80's-- I'm pretty sure I had fun. You're right I need to start living. I keep thinking I can live post-divorce, but that may be a while,,,
xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I don't remember the 80's-- I'm pretty sure I had fun. You're right I need to start living. I keep thinking I can live post-divorce, but that may be a while,,, Having that kind of mindset will never do, because you might not be sure when you'll be emotionally detached from (x)W and D. That's why you have to start now. It'll mentally prepare you for when you kick her out of the house, get custody of your son, have father- son time and maybe even start dating again. A D isn't the end of the world, it merely means you've been with the kind of woman you don't want and is now single and open to finding the kind of woman who will be a motherly figure to your son and be supportive of you. But in the meantime, start having those parties.
Gunny376 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 The Eighties were some of the best of my life! Loved the music that came out! Nothing but good times! That's the thing? We choose the years that are the best of our lives! Choose here and now to make 'these' the best of our lives! Its a choice! Choose it daily! Most people are about as Happy? As they make their minds up to be! I make this choice ~ DAILY! Every morning I get up! Everyday I wake up! I could care less who or what my XHEX is scrogging! Thank God, the poor, stupid, dumb SOB took her off my hands! I no longer have to worry about pacifying what cannot be pacified! I no longer have to worry about pleasing what cannot be pleased! I no longer have to worry about satisfying what cannot be satisfied! I no longer have to concern myself with her insecurities! Her self doubts!
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 .... I could care less who or what my XHEX is scrogging! Thank God, the poor, stupid, dumb SOB took her off my hands! I no longer have to worry about pacifying what cannot be pacified! I no longer have to worry about pleasing what cannot be pleased! I no longer have to worry about satisfying what cannot be satisfied! I no longer have to concern myself with her insecurities! Her self doubts! Wow Gunny, that sounds great. I can't wait till that's my most dominating thought. Right now I'm still obsessing over who and when and where she is scroggin... It takes everything I've got not to drive over and 'catch them' doin their afternoon delight... I've noticed alot of posts discussing the cheating spouse is in a fast downward spiral... I'm seeing some horrible patterns. She is becoming a sad excuse of a woman--- she looks pretty sickly too. I have little moments of clarity. I can see how much better me and my son will be without all her daily drama.
Gunny376 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 It takes everything I've got not to drive over and 'catch them' doin their afternoon delight... Forget that! :mad: Watch a couple episodes of the show "Cheaters" (Which I watch regularly, along with The Jerry Springer Show, and Divorce Court ~ whenever I get to thinking I would like to get married again? ) Whenever its the woman cheating, she puts it all on the man! He didn't to enough of this, he did too much of that, he said this, he said that, he did this, he did that, he should have done this, he shouldn't have done that,................................it goes on and on and on. When a man cheats on his wife/gf whose fault is it? His right! When a woman cheats on her husband? Guess what? Its still all his fault! Even if you were to catch them red handed in the down stroke? What good would that do? You're either going to break down in a crying supplicating, begging fool of a man? Or your going to get mad and try to take the guys head off? If you do that? The boys in blue are more than likely going to take you away. Or if the guy is bigger, badder and meaner and more experience at fighting? You may be the one that might get a mud hole stomped in your @zz? That is your really lucky and he doesn't knife you of shoot you. Then where would you be for your child? Best case scenario? The wife uses it against you in D court? To prove what a raving maniac you are and why she get the house, the best car, sole custody, child support and alimony. No my friend, the best thing you can do is get on with your life and quit wasting it on some skirt that isn't worth your time of day. You'd best snap out of it quick, fast, and in a hurry like because if you don't get your freaking act together? Your going to find yourself in a world of hurt. You think this is bad? You ain't seen nothing yet! Having a lying, cheating, two-timing wife is the least of your worries. Your oscillating between the five stages of grief, and your mad right now. Tomorrow? You may be sad and crying your ever loving eyes out! But you know what? If crying couldn't make her stay? It won't make her come back! When its over? Its OVER! And that's just the way it is! You need to get yourself busy picking yourself up, dusting yourself off! Clean yourself up, and get your head and @zz wired back together. Get busy ~ getting busy! With your life! You've only got about 25,000 days to do what your going to do between the time you popped into the world, until the put you in the grave at age 70? So why are you wasting a single one on this one woman? The time, effort, energy, and money your wasting on this one?? Will net you ten other women. I tell what your freaking problem is? Your male ego/pride has been wounded and your feeling hurt! Get over it! You've got "one-ittis" in your head, that this is the only woman you can ever get and have in your life? You had GF's/and wild women before you meet her ~ and you'll have them again. There's no freaking shortage of women. The world is covered up with them. Big ones, little ones, short ones, tall ones, black ones, white ones, skinny ones, fat ones, young ones, middle-age one, old ones! In fact a man can get a woman at any age in his life. Out the gate? There are more women than men. At birth there are more girls born than boys? 51/49 %! It goes steadily down hill for the women from there. Men do a lot of stupid things ~ like get themselves killed at an earlier age. They commit crimes and get shipped off for the best years of their life. They join the military and work dangerous jobs and get themselves killed, mained and crippled for life. 7-10 out of every 100 men are gay ~ compared to 1 out of 100 women? Your ego is doing a job on you in that your wanting to know what this 'cat' she's scroggin' got that you don't have? Nothing! When women cheat? They tend to 'trade down' I'd be willing to beat next month's military retirement check he's no brain surgeon, astronaut? I be willing he has a lesser job than you, makes less money than you do, and probably is younger than you? And the younger part? That's about you, that's about her and her insecurities! She can't handle getting older, and all that yas! Yada~yada~yada! Now pick yourself up, clean yourself up, get your head and @zz wired together, forget this skirt ~ and get out there and let all the Ladies know that you free and back on the street again!
Gunny376 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I've noticed a lot of posts discussing the cheating spouse is in a fast downward spiral... I'm seeing some horrible patterns. She is becoming a sad excuse of a woman--- she looks pretty sickly too. I have little moments of clarity. I can see how much better me and my son will be without all her daily drama. I last saw my XHEX five years ago at my DS HS graduation, afterwards my DD said, "Daddy! Mama's talking to you! I did a 360, didn't see her! "Daddy! Mama's talking to you!" Did another 360? Finally recognized her! "DAMN !!!!!!!!" I'm thinking? "DAMN WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL HAPPEN TO YOU?" She was 49 and looked like she was 65. Wrinkled, skin like leather!! I told her she needed to stay out of the sun, and such! She married some Joker that's about eight years younger than she is. She's 54 now. They bought some land and a double wide trailer with my child support, were trading for new cars every two to three years when I was paying 25% of my gross income in child support. She's driving a used 98 Toyota Corolla now, the double wide trailer they financed for thirty years?! :eek: :eek: Turns out the double wide was made by FORD ~ as in "fix or repair daily" and is falling down around their ears, and they're still paying for it with eleven years still left on the mortgage? She gets older, uglier, meaner, sicker, (bronchitis, emphysema, asthma from smoking) everyday? But he's got her? So I guess that makes him the winner! I never remarried. I'm debt free, drive a five year old loaded out compact SUV with 25,000 miles on her, paid for, money in the bank, (12 month's income equivalent of my civilian job), have everything I need and paid for, no debts. Retired military. Medical and dental insurance premiums? Less than a $50 a month. Shop for groceries on base and name brand items at the PX 30% cheaper than I can at ChinaMart? Went to college on the GI Bill ~ majored in Finance. None of this is brag? My point? 1. There is life after divorce ~ a very good life! Its not the end of your life, its the end of your marriage! 2. Life is what you make it! 3. Suck it up and deal with it! Its only temporary! I've been through times of having women and no money? And I've been through times of no women and having money? I prefer the latter? You've got money? You can find yourself a Honey! That's a fact jack! I've thought about and thought about it? And it came to me one day when the first (but not the last GF since my divorce) told me? Your wife was crazy for leaving you! And why did she leave me? Despite, being devoted? Committed? Not cheating? Loving? Caring? Sharing in cleaning the house, cooking, ("Quote from DD10 @ time of seperation: "I sure am going to miss your Sunday Dinners Daddy") Because of her insecurties as a person, human being, woman!" Q U I T B E A T I N G Y O U R S E F U P! What one woman will abuse? Another can certainly use!
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Forget that! :mad: Your ego is doing a job on you in that your wanting to know what this 'cat' she's scroggin' got that you don't have? Nothing! When women cheat? They tend to 'trade down' I'd be willing to beat next month's military retirement check he's no brain surgeon, astronaut? I be willing he has a lesser job than you, makes less money than you do, and probably is younger than you? And the younger part? That's about you, that's about her and her insecurities! She can't handle getting older, and all that yas! Yada~yada~yada! Now pick yourself up, clean yourself up, get your head and @zz wired together, forget this skirt ~ and get out there and let all the Ladies know that you free and back on the street again! Damn- I needed this post - Thanks Gunny. She went 'out' after work tonight. I kept busy with my son - swimming, dinner and the batting cage. Gorgeous night and I just kept thinking about the cheating POS instead of enjoying a great night we were having... I put him to bed and logged on to shake off this crappy feeling and BOOM the ole 2x4 over the head by Gunny... Yeah- I was having myself a great pity party instead of a 'goin away party' for the POS!
Gunny376 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Let me tell you a bedtime story? Once upon a time? There was the husband and wife with three kids. They had been married sixteen years. They went on a vacation and had a lovely time at the beach. Come back home, DH is off to work. Wife sees him off, asks him what he wants for dinner, gives him the old "I love you, see you tonight, :love: send off. He comes home from a long hot day at work, and there's a couple of sheriff's deputy's cars in his driveway. Two big old bubba of deputy's walk up to them. He's halfway out of his mind with worry? One of the deputy hands him some papers and tells him its a restraining order and that he has to stay away or he will be arrested. He's got thirty minutes to gather his personal effects and nothing else! Flash forward. The wife gets the house, everything in and with the house that's worth stealing, custody of the children, and he get exclusive rights to pay for most of all that to include child support. She moves the OM in the house, their eating steak while he's living in a one bedroom apartment eating bologna. She's got the nicer newer car, while he basically gets the POS held together with bailing wire, duck tape and prayer! A couple of years later? His buddy he's known all his life down at the community bank gives him a call, and tells him, "We're about to foreclose on your old house, the X is behind four months, thought you might be interested in taking it? We'll roll the four months payment to the end of the loan, refinance it with a good interest rate as we've done business with you for years. The XHEX and the OM (who turns out to be much younger, a drunk and a druggie) He's been pulling extra shifts, has money in the bank, is debt free, and has found a young sweet thing about ten years younger than him that's crazy about him. They move in the house, the new GF begins putting her personal touch on the place. Two of the three younger children opt to move in, (they're older now and can choose with whom they want to live with ~ and its Daddy! The oldest is grown and gone ~ and own his own! But he's over at Dad's than he his Mom's? Mom and the 'Chicken-head' (Meth addict & drunk) are living in a ten years old single wide rental trailer, barely making it from one payday to the next, (ChickenHead is smoking up all the money) The sheriff's department is constantly being called out to the trailer for domestic abuse. The X sees him one day and with Scarlett O'Hara eyes and voice tries to weave him back into her web? Its been eight years since the divorce? He asks her? "How old are you now?" She tells him, and he responds? "Naw your too damned old for me!" True story ~ happen to one of my buddies at work! :laugh:
Gunny376 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 She went 'out' after work tonight. Yea I remeber those nights! :mad: The sooner you realize your dragging a dead horse around with you eveywehere you go? The better! For the "Love of God" at least take the damn saddle off! Lighten your load! Let her go! She's crazy for leaving? But, Man? Just let her go! And get on with living your life! Life is to freaking short to waste it on someone like this! You need someone in your Life that's going to be part of the solution ~ not part of the problem! Someone who's going to be part of the answers, not part of the question! Who's going to be an asset your life, your dreams, your goals, your objectives! Not a liabilty! You should be doing the "Snoppy Happy Dance" that this guy is taking her off your hands! (Pity the poor dumb SOB!) He's just going to use and abuse her, get his 'jollies" and be gone!
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 the stbx is walking around the house naked...WTF??? Before my son wakes and after he goes to sleep, she's been stripping down and walking around. She finds stupid things to ask me. It feels like a set-up of some kind. It's been quite a while since we've had sex, so it's tough to just ignore it. I can't make sense of this behavior. I'm trying to get all the ducks in a row to drop the D bomb on this family and she's trying to feel sexy? again, WTF? anyone have a clue?
Gunny376 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Ignore it! She's got tool's in her aresnal that you don't! She's playing mind games with you!
mark982 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 don't touch her, chances are she'll scream rape,your azz is in jail,easy to get divorce on her terms then. just laugh at her and go about your business.
Author FoolMeAgain Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 You guys are probably right. I need to ignore it- not even see it She did it again this am- The're no chance for anything to happen with our DS right outside the door, but she was trying her best to get a reaction from me...
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