why?

[Vroenguard]

hi.

 

this is my first post. i hope you can read this; i come from Denmark, and its been a while since ive written more than a chat in english.

 

im posting this, because i need to talk about this, and hear others meaning. i have a very bad habit, of closing myself in when i have big personal problems - i dont want to talk to anyone. this is my first attempt to share my emotions with other than my love.

 

if you havn't guessed already, me and my GF have broked up.

this is my story of what happened in my life, that leaded to this moment of depression.

were about the same age - mid-teenagers.

 

i met this girl on the internet on a chat, like 1 year and a couple of months back. we talked alot, and i fell in love with her personality - her personality was very colorful, sweet and so on.

i helped her trough alot of her own problems - she had an eating disorder, and didnt like her body. well i kinda saw a sad angel in her, and i wanted so bad to cheer her up again. we chatted alot and texted on phone, for some months. i had a huge crush on her.

 

finally we arranged a date for us to meet. 24th May. she lived about 80km from where i live. thats like an hour drive on bus.

then i saw her: long blond hair, pretty blue eyes, hot body - a very fit body for a lovely personality like hers. she became my girlfriend the very same day.

 

thunder came to paradise - we could only meet in the weekends. i could live with it the waiting was worth the girl. but she couldn't live her life in the space between weekends, - she cried, didnt go to school etc.

she often accused me for cheating on her, that i didnt loved her and stuff like that.

 

she could easily get mad at me, - the smallest things could mean alot to her. thats when my life got really complexed. i say things the way they are. but thats a problem, when what im saying can be a allusion to something else than originally intended. she was very sensitive, so i had to be very cautious when talking. she was a little suicidal - tried sometimes because she thought that i didnt love her.

 

i know that sounds silly. but i think love make you blind for bad sides of your partner. ofcourse we had the most fantastic times together - i know she loved me as much as i loved her.

 

well time went. after we was together for some months - she said that she couldnt be in this relationship anymore, because of the waiting - it ruined her everyday life and her schooltime. i dont know how, but she convienced me to give up my school for a year, move up to her and her parents, get a job there.

 

my parents were so disappointed of me when i did that. but i thought she was the love of my life.

in fact ive never had so strong emotions about anyone before.

me and my parents made a deal then - i have to sleep at them at least once per week.

 

i thought now she would be happy - oh boy did i learn - now we also had the everyday life problems + the accusations - yeah she still thought i was hiding something and didnt love her (i was so angry everytime she said that to me - for all ive done to her, she still didnt believe me!)

 

again im writing about the problems. still it was nice to live with her ( exept mothers in law can be very annoying) we had some great times together.

 

then everything slowly fell apart. it all started with the mother. she got a gastric bypass, so she is kinda twisted in her head - she has been overweight all her life, and now she is thin - so she began to spend money on wierd things. got she get so much on my nerve! my gf have a horse, and it means alot to her - like a child. the mother didnt pay the stabling bills for alot of months. then we discovered a bill one day - it was HUGE! so they started selling things to afford to have a car, the horse and the apartment. then her parents seperated, because she didnt love him anymore. again she didnt pay her bills, so the power went off a couple of times, and the gas was closed for a while. everything was a mess! it was rough on my GF. god this problem still gets me so upset!

 

the mother started to drink to much, hang out with loosers, and sleep with different men.

 

then one day - she got raped. she was so drunk that she didnt know where she was at the time... she thought it was in their bedroom while we were sleeping in the room next to it - though we didnt hear a thing. its was sad, though we thought that, this must get her on the right track again. but it didnt. she still got drunk alot of times.

 

i supported my GF though the whole thing. i protected her, cooked for her, cleaned the house. i thought about dumping her. but i loved her to much to do that. if i did that, she would be alone, with no one to protect her - if i didnt were there that night the mother got raped, my GF could might aswell have been it too! then i was also afraid that she would commit suicide, like she have tried before.

 

things were suddenly clearing up, as the summer came. the mother stopped drinking, and began to talk more to the father. (by the way, he is one of the most impressive men i know - he is very tough) the minus was turning into a plus.

 

the big problems dissappeared. but again - there always have to be something wrong. again my GF accused me for that dont love her as much as i have done, that i was cheating her, i didnt gave her my attention etc.

i really tried my best to be the guy she wants to have. ofcourse i didnt cheat on her. i loved her more than ever. the only problems i had about the relationship was the sex. the hole story above, took alot of her energy, and that i understanded - id rather be with her without sex.

but still i love sex with her, and the intimacy with her.

 

she rejected me almost every time i tried something, and it took alot on my confidence. everytime i brought the subject up, she got extremely sad, thought that she was a terrible GF. i was like - do something about it instead of being this dramatic!

 

well she tried to break the evil circle, with some success. we had sex like once a week. i had great needs for her, and could do it everytime, anywhere with her, but still i didnt wanted to push her too much.

 

it was happy for a good period then.

suddenly things started to change again.

she started to call me mean - for god knows why - i think i began to be more directly, and again she could make allusions out of nothing. and that makes me very angry and be very frustrated.

 

as her familysituration became better, our relationship became worse. it was always drama, and she could be disappointed over the tiniest things.

 

yesterday when i was at my parents for a longer time as usual i got this text:

 

"sometimes are our lifes at standby. but then something comes, and things are starting to get moving again. that makes me think of somethings that i shouldnt really think of, because that what im doubting is buildt on trust, and 100% commitment to your partner. my doubt grows, and starts to devour me from within. what once was, is gone - if you like it or not.

to the point, this is how i feel. i have a feeling, that youre playing two games - one with me, and one with another.

ofcourse youre saying that it isnt right and you only love me, but that doubt - it still grows. it goes beyond our sexlife, my mood, and i can feel that youre hiding something from me. i cant stand it. it ruins me."

 

then she said, that she couldnt be in this relationship anymore because she could not stand all these problems anymore.

 

it broke my heart. she have tried to broke up with me before. sometimes as a test to see if i loved her(!) and others because we were fighting alot.

but i just said, that she will get it your way.

 

ive done everything for this girl. ive been there for her, ive watched and cared for her! ive used my money on her, wasted a year on this mess!

 

now im sitting at 2 am Danish time, writing this. im very sad because i miss her. i miss her in my arms and know that she is safe. but why do i still have these feelings when im being treated this bad? i know i am not happy with her, but still im longing to be with her!

im saying to myself, that everything is gonna be allright - im moving back home again, getting a job, and then go to school and finish my education.

she is not the woman i deserve, i can do better, and i should never be treated this way by a girlfriend again.

 

it have been a great deal of pain this relationship. also a great deal of love, but im not as blind as im just to be if you understand.

i dont think this was the love of my life. i think it was the lesson of my life.

 

i really need some advice for now. what shall i do? what shall become of me, and what can i do better?

 

this is ofcourse my point of view. if she just wrote something like this on a forum - it would be worth a load of diamonds for me!

 

right now im feeling like an empty shell.

 

whats wrong with me?!?

 

 

thanks for reading. i hope you will post a reply.

 

best regards

the abandoned.

[loveshy]

Your case is not much different..

 

Your girl friend was mean to you because she wanted to leave you or had trust issues..

Its called the doormat treatment...

 

You were doing too much for her... and she was taking it for granted...

 

The only thing you can do is LEAVE HER ALONE...

If she realises her mistake she will come to you...

 

I am not sure if you should start dating again...

Maybe this girl wants to see if you are with another girl or not...

 

So just go out of contact and work on healing...

[Ayla]

Hello,

 

i am very sorry to hear that you are hurting so much especially when you have done so much to help her and your relationship. I think in this case - it is her inner problems that are getting the better of her. An eating disorder affects someone physically and mentally....I am guessing whilst she might be eating better now - she still has emotional problems and hates her body...and therefore is projecting that onto you.

 

Have you done any reading on people with eating disorders? I think it would be good for you to do that.

 

It is not healthy for you to be in this type of relationship at the moment, only one person can help her and that is herself....and maybe a professional counsellor. You need to concentrate on yourself and your schoolwork.

 

I would not date anyone else for a while - just focus on yourself ok? You will be ok, just leave her alone and let her work herself out - it will hurt, but it is the best thing for you.

[Vroenguard]

thanks, both of you for replying.

i will do what youve said. i dont think i ever want to be in this relationship again, i just want to be on my own for a time.

right now i just have one problem - i need to collect my stuff at her house. and i really just want to get it and then leave without doing anything with her.

she have given me the cold shoulder, but i know its a facade, and she will cry when seeing me packing. it hurts my heart to see that, and i feel wrong if i dont soothe her and holding her tight. and one step might lead to another.

 

i am happier without her - i just have to realize it.

 

again thank you for listening to me.

i means the world to me, that i can talk to someone about this.