wow123 Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Although we are using NC to heal and move on...isn't this also helping the person whom dumped us to heal and move on with their new relationship? I don't want to make it easy on her to heal. Thoughts on this please.
PinkToes Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I'm not sure anyone else would agree with me, but I'm a big fan of believing whatever we need to believe in order to get past the darkest times. Breaking up is a process, and if the pain is raw and the fear of a future without the ex is new, we can create whatever story we need to, in order to get by. Yeah, you don't know what she's thinking or doing, and people will tell you it doesn't matter and shouldn't matter and you should just move on. I get that. But I don't think there's any harm in creating a story that works for you. And to that end, I would choose to believe that NC is more likely to make her miss you, than help her move on more quickly. It's early. Your goal, I think, is to do what's best for you right now.
Nedved Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I think every situation is different but if your ex dumps you and wants to stay friends and you go NC then they'l have to get used to life without you and like you it'l take them time to get over that. Your certaintly not making it easy for them. Staying in contact with them on the other hand makes it so much easier for them to heal as they still have you in their life without the emmotional baggage of them having to love you.
CaliGuy Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Although we are using NC to heal and move on...isn't this also helping the person whom dumped us to heal and move on with their new relationship? I don't want to make it easy on her to heal. Thoughts on this please. If you were truly using NC as intended, you would be indifferent as to how it effects the dumper...
NopeNah Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 It has zero to do with them,they are gone! Its to heal yourself and to stop the torture that we all put ourselves thru while being in contact. Sure there's the rare occasion where it makes them want you. But, by going no contact you are setup to handle it better with a clear mind when/if it comes.
Meaplus3 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Although we are using NC to heal and move on...isn't this also helping the person whom dumped us to heal and move on with their new relationship? I don't want to make it easy on her to heal. Thoughts on this please. Honestly, you should not care what affect it has on them.. just focus on yourself and you will heal. Mea:)
broken_promises Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Yeah, this is a hard one for me too. I totally agree with people here saying that NC is to lessen the self-torture we create in talking to or still being wrapped up in communication with the ex. But I have a HARD time thinking of my ex as moved on so quickly because NC is a two-way street. So, I can feel as strong as I want to about maintaining no contact, but the truth is that HE is also holding up against the NC too. (I posted another thread of my own talking about finding out that he really has moved on.) So, there is a part of me that does entertain the thought of breaking NC because I sort of want to ruin the good time he is having now. In other words, if he can't miss me enough to call me and break his NC, I'm going to make him have to deal with me. (I am just being honest here... I know this is not rational.) I don't want him back, I don't want to even talk to him really... but I just get this feeling of how dare he be able to move on so quickly without needing to talk to me? However, when I compare how I feel with successful NC to when I did send an email reply to his first email and then got the second reply from him, I realize how much more painful it is to have contact. It is just heaping more pain on top of pain. And I would do ANYTHING to have the attitude of indifference to what my ex is doing/feeling about the breakup and NC. Any suggestions on how to make that a reality???
dxb Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I don't want to make it easy on her to heal. If your relationship had anything meaningful behind it then you wouldn't be thinking like that. Spite's an ugly emotion.
musica87 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 no contact is the best, time-tested way to heal. it sounds like you dont like the thought of giving them what they want (no contact) , but if you stick to your guns, soon you'll be over them and how they feel or what they want, or even what theyre up to in life, wont matter to you. dont just go out of your way and contact them to annoy them or something, then you're just re-affirming the fact that dumping you was the right decision.
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