GroupFitness Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 So I've become what one of the things I fear most which is an asexual person. For the past 3 months or so, I have completely lost all sexual feelings. For my boyfriend, for random guys, from sexual images, from my thoughts from ANYTHING. It's like I feel absolutely nothing sexual. Nothing arouses me, nothing makes me tingle. Brad Pitt could be walking in front of me shirtless and I won't bat an eyelid, it's like I've been injected with sexual anaethesia, I feel absolutely nothing. Obviously, I don't know why, I haven't experienced any sudden/major changes in my life. Outside of moving in with my boyfriend 7 months ago but when we first moved in together, we were climbing the walls, at each other like bunnies but all of sudden, I just stopped getting aroused. So I tried to talk to him about this recently, looking for some support and suggestions on how to fix this but to my disappointment, he immediately made it an issue of him vs me. As in maybe I'm no longer attracted to him or I'm bored with the relationship. This made me livid ofcourse because if it was him that was the cause of my loss of sex drive, wouldn't I be attracted to other men or wouldn't I still think about sex--just not with him? Or wouldn't I still have sexual feelings--just not for him?. I tried explaining that logic that this loss of libido looks to be something bigger than our relationship, something going on inside me that scares me. I have scheduled an appointment with my gynaecologist to test my hormone levels to see if there is something going on there. Other than that, I'm at a complete loss and I don't need the added stress of trying to convince my boyfriend that this is not about him. Does anyone have any insights for me? By the way, I'm only 30 years old.
Stung Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 It sounds to me like getting your hormone levels checked is an important first step; good for you. If your gyno thinks your hormones check out normal, that doesn't necessarily mean it's not medical; it might still be worth following up with an endocrinologist, especially if you are having any other symptoms, i.e. fatigue, weight change, mood change, etc. Is there a possibility that the underlying cause is, in fact, psychological? Have you had trouble in past relationships after moving in together? Or, is it possible something happened in your more distant past, a sexual trauma which you've never consciously dealt with as an adult? In any case, I would try to sit the BF down and talk to him about this again, emphasizing that it's not about loss of feeling for HIM, it's a loss of feeling in general that's actually making you worry about your health. Most people's insecurities get engaged by any kind of 'I'm not hot for you in the bedroom' conversation, it sounds like he didn't really hear and process anything beyond that the first time around. Reassure him first and then ask him to really 'hear' you this time, that this is not about him, much as he might feel like it is.
Mr. Lucky Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Is there a possibility that the underlying cause is, in fact, psychological? Have you had trouble in past relationships after moving in together? Or, is it possible something happened in your more distant past, a sexual trauma which you've never consciously dealt with as an adult? I would second this thought. The loss of libido isn't the problem, it's a symptom of the problem and you're going to have to do some searching to find the real issue. Do you have insurance that covers IC? Might be in order if nothing medical is the cause... Mr. Lucky
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Did you read this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t189616/ So sad and hope it works out. The more I read and from what my spouse says it is not unusual. One thing you are not clear about is whether sex still works. I know you get no tingling, but mostly you are talking about visual stimulation. If the issue is only that you are not "turned-on" that hopefully is just a blip.
Recommended Posts