kittensmittens Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Ok, I know I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for asking this question. I can assure you I'm not a homophobe....I just would like to know so I don't waste time in a relationship that may be going no where. Basically, the guy I am with right now is great. He's loving, sensitive, attentive, etc. Outwardly, he's seems very "boyish". He's really into cars (and working on his car), he plays golf and loves sports, and outwardly he doesn't appear to be effeminate in any way whatsoever. He has had several girlfriends, but says he has only been "in love" with two of them--me and the girl he was with in the last serious relationship. And he tells me he loves me all the time. However, some other things have me a little bit concerned. He listens to music that is girlier than the stuff I listen to--mariah carey, en vogue, just to name a few. He told me that for a while he was really into apple martinis, which I know is a silly stereotype, but still... He is sensitive, but sometimes he gets REALLY sensitive and cries easily, gets his feelings hurt VERY easily, etc. he spends a lot of money on things like haircuts and gets his hair "texturized", and knows hair product brands, etc. One thing that is exceptionally strange to me.....he almost always sits down when he pees. He says that it's "more relaxing" and that he "doesn't want to get pee everywhere", which could be true, but it still seems a little strange to me. He also seems prefer butt sex. And one other thing that has me a little bit concerned is that he doesn't get hard until I'm physically touching him. The only thing I have to base anything on is one other relationship (that lasted 4 years)--the rest of the people I've slept with were one night stands, more or less. But every time I took my clothes off--even just to get in the shower--my ex would get a hard on. I didn't even have to touch him. This troubled me early on, so I did talk to my (current) boyfriend about it....he said he has always been like that, and that maybe someone who objectifies women automatically gets a hard on like that (and my ex DID objectify women...). Last thing, his brother is gay. Suposedly it does run in families (something genetic to do with the mother?)...so that has me a little on edge too. Other than that, he does not fit any standard gay stereotypes. He tells me all the time that he loves me and shows me in various ways that he loves me. He seems to have a pretty normal sex drive for a guy (ready to go at any time). So maybe I am just being really paranoid? What do you all think? And should I talk to him about it, or is it just way too insulting to question a guy's sexual orientation?
Computer Chip Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 And should I talk to him about it, or is it just way too insulting to question a guy's sexual orientation? Does he have a sense of humour? If not he will probably be very insulted by it.
neowulf Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 There was a study done by a Dr Alfred Kinsey (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Kinsey#Sex_life) which basically high lighted that peoples sexuality isn't as "black and white" as every day society would have us believe. If we have a scale between 1 (extremely feminine) and 10 (extremely masculine) we find that most people fall somewhere along that scale to varying degree's. This goes the same for a persons sexual orientation. So your boyfriend may have a higher degree of "Femininity" than your ex boyfriend obviously did. This does not however make him Gay or Bi (necessarily). So long as your boyfriend makes you feel attractive and his slightly "girly" ways don't bother you too much, then I don't really see the problem.
Author kittensmittens Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Thank you! He does tell me all the time that he's very attracted to me and does show me he is. I don't have a problem with him being more feminine...I love "girly" guys, but I guess I'm just used to guys who are outwardly more feminine and...inwardly(?) more masculine. I guess I feel like he's the reverse, and it makes me a little nervous.....like maybe he's putting up a front in order to hide something....? I guess I just feel a little paranoid, so I want to get answers before I'm married with 4 kids.....and THEN he comes out of the closet!
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