complicatedlife Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I just wanted to take some time out to come here and say thank you to all of the people who have tried to offer help, suggestions, and advice during my tenure as an OW. I'd even like to thank the critics, and the people who only read my posts and then sent positive aura in my direction and maybe even a prayer - I needed it! It's been a long and hard journey, but also a time when I learned much about myself and about other people - both intimately and generally. However, it is not a path that I would encourage anyone to take. Don't get involved with a MM - run as fast and as far away as you can. I am no longer an OW involved with an MM, and we are now free to be as we have always wanted to be; it feels great and slightly scary at the same time. Anyway, thank you - all of you.
White Flower Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Good for you! Tell us how you get through each day? How long has it been? Are you completely over him? Is there NC? Hugs, WF.
stampdaddy Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Good for you! Tell us how you get through each day? How long has it been? Are you completely over him? Is there NC? Hugs, WF. I think this means that they are NOW a couple??
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Yes, I think they are now a couple, atleast that's what I got from her previous posts about her MM's separation/divorce.
White Flower Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I just wanted to take some time out to come here and say thank you to all of the people who have tried to offer help, suggestions, and advice during my tenure as an OW. I'd even like to thank the critics, and the people who only read my posts and then sent positive aura in my direction and maybe even a prayer - I needed it! It's been a long and hard journey, but also a time when I learned much about myself and about other people - both intimately and generally. However, it is not a path that I would encourage anyone to take. Don't get involved with a MM - run as fast and as far away as you can. I am no longer an OW involved with an MM, and we are now free to be as we have always wanted to be; it feels great and slightly scary at the same time. Anyway, thank you - all of you. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! Thanks Stampy, you always got my back. Duh:rolleyes:, silly me. <slowly backs out of room>
Author complicatedlife Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 God has many blessing for your life. I hope...and pray for that continually!
Author complicatedlife Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 A life not so complicated any more, eh? Good for you hon! Now go out and enjoy it for all you're worth!!! I'm sure every once in a blue moon it will get sorta complicated, but for now, nope, no complications! Thanks, Donna, you're a doll.
Author complicatedlife Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 I think this means that they are NOW a couple?? I can't believe I can answer this with a "yes".
Author complicatedlife Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Yes, I think they are now a couple, atleast that's what I got from her previous posts about her MM's separation/divorce. Yes, you're correct! Feels good to be able to say that.
Author complicatedlife Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! Thanks Stampy, you always got my back. Duh:rolleyes:, silly me. <slowly backs out of room> Don't leave the room! Lol. I misread stuff sometimes, too, WF.
White Flower Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Don't leave the room! Lol. I misread stuff sometimes, too, WF. Well as long as you pull me back in I'll stay. Tough weekend, though, maybe that explains it. Either that or I've really gone dingy! Are you both living together now? Blending families? Or should I just stop with the questions? LOL.
Author complicatedlife Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Well as long as you pull me back in I'll stay. Tough weekend, though, maybe that explains it. Either that or I've really gone dingy! Are you both living together now? Blending families? Or should I just stop with the questions? LOL. You probably had a tough weekend, though we ALL get dingy at times - no worries! Living together? No- too soon - at least for me. I need time to adjust to the newness of all of this "publicity" as it seems so odd. But in a good way. We haven't discussed it, but I think that because of the children, he may think we'd need to make our relationship legal before living together - again, we haven't discussed living arrangements in any capacity, so this is only my opinion based on what I know about him. Blended families - we're going to meet people in our families now - I know very little in his, he knows a few members of mine. So lots of introductions to be made. You can ask anything - I will try to answer all that I can and if any are such that it borderlines privacy concerns, I'll let you know. Feels good to actually write all of this out.
OpenBook Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 You can ask anything - I will try to answer all that I can and if any are such that it borderlines privacy concerns, I'll let you know. Feels good to actually write all of this out. OK, I'll bite. Hope you don't mind! In your first post you said this: Don't get involved with a MM - run as fast and as far away as you can. I'm a bit confused. That's not what YOU did, is it? And it seems you got what you wanted? you ended up with your MM, right? He got a divorce (?) and now you two are now "together"? (I'm not really clear on what "together" means, in your situation.) Do you regret getting involved with him while he was married? Are you glad you DID walk away from the A while it was happening (if that's what you did)? Reason why I ask -- it seems like the active OW's on this board get raked over the coals by the BS's, until their situation changes and they marry their MM, who has divorced his current W and moved on to them. All of a sudden, these same fOW's are "in like Flint" with the married crowd. Same person with the same past - but no more bashing... I think because they've made their relationship "legitimate" so now everything's peachy? I don't get it. You would think the BS's would be even MORE harsh, as their worst fear has been realized, right before their eyes. Yet another OW has successfully stolen somebody else's H. Help me understand!
NoIDidn't Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 So this means that the divorce is final? Great. Isn't this the guy with the kids that he and his W were using against each other? I might be wrong, but I remember that being alluded to in a thread. Either way, the fact that you aren't living together is good, as he is not completely out of the woods yet. You guys still have the hurdle of his now xW and the kids that got dragged into the D. So, good luck. Things might not be as bad as it seems I'm making them. If the kids are old enough, they can see some things for themselves and make a determination to give you and their dad a chance regardless of what their mother says.
White Flower Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 OK, I'll bite. Hope you don't mind! In your first post you said this: I'm a bit confused. That's not what YOU did, is it? And it seems you got what you wanted? you ended up with your MM, right? He got a divorce (?) and now you two are now "together"? (I'm not really clear on what "together" means, in your situation.) Do you regret getting involved with him while he was married? Are you glad you DID walk away from the A while it was happening (if that's what you did)? Reason why I ask -- it seems like the active OW's on this board get raked over the coals by the BS's, until their situation changes and they marry their MM, who has divorced his current W and moved on to them. All of a sudden, these same fOW's are "in like Flint" with the married crowd. Same person with the same past - but no more bashing... I think because they've made their relationship "legitimate" so now everything's peachy? I don't get it. You would think the BS's would be even MORE harsh, as their worst fear has been realized, right before their eyes. Yet another OW has successfully stolen somebody else's H. Help me understand! You make a good point OB. My guess is that it is the legitimacy of the R since MM is now 'doing the right thing' by D-ing his BW. Further, he plans on marrying the fOW. I suppose this alludes to the unspoken yet highly anticipated moral code? My exMM always asked one of his buddies (a player like himself) when he was going to marry his special lady (while kissing her hand, of course, in the single player's presence). Even Mr. Player himself anticipated the moral code to be observed with yet another player. Everyone wants the happy ending. Sorry for the t/j.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 OP: I'm glad that it turned out the way you wanted it to. I know how hard it is to get through this and still be sane. Good luck to the both of you. Try to put the past in the past and build a new R from here on out. One without the prints of a third party on. ((HUGS))
bentnotbroken Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Good for you! Tell us how you get through each day? How long has it been? Are you completely over him? Is there NC? Hugs, WF. Backing out right behind you. Sorry, I misunderstood. Don't wish anything bad on you, but I will wonder how it will work out.
Lyssa Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Hi CL, glad it worked out the way you wanted it to. I hope you will take one step at a time with this new development. It was hard to adjust in the beginning for me and I had to go through other things that in a way, made things a bit harder between us but we managed to go through all that together and we are very happy now. Good luck to you and your partner, CL!
tami-chan Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 OK, I'll bite. Hope you don't mind! In your first post you said this: I'm a bit confused. That's not what YOU did, is it? And it seems you got what you wanted? you ended up with your MM, right? He got a divorce (?) and now you two are now "together"? (I'm not really clear on what "together" means, in your situation.) Do you regret getting involved with him while he was married? Are you glad you DID walk away from the A while it was happening (if that's what you did)? Reason why I ask -- it seems like the active OW's on this board get raked over the coals by the BS's, until their situation changes and they marry their MM, who has divorced his current W and moved on to them. All of a sudden, these same fOW's are "in like Flint" with the married crowd. Same person with the same past - but no more bashing... I think because they've made their relationship "legitimate" so now everything's peachy? I don't get it. You would think the BS's would be even MORE harsh, as their worst fear has been realized, right before their eyes. Yet another OW has successfully stolen somebody else's H. Help me understand! Well...no, the BSs on LS shouldn't "be even more harsh" because most of them always say, get a divorce so the BS will have a chance to find somebody who is "worthy" of her. So in this case, the married couple divorced, xMM made his choice and BS is now free to explore other relationships. So nothing much to harp about. Here's hoping the BS is healing well and quick! Good wishes to you, complicatedlife!
Author complicatedlife Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 OK, I'll bite. Hope you don't mind! In your first post you said this: Don't get involved with a MM - run as fast and as far away as you can. I am going to repeat to you what I have said to a (very) few other people: have a little bit of background about the poster's situation before commenting. Had you done so, there would be no need for these questions. I am going to ask to be pardoned in advance because I am not going to be my usual thick-skinned self in this post, but rather, more matter of fact, maybe a little more assertive, and maybe with even less tact: I'm a bit confused. That's not what YOU did, is it? So, let's see - I said, "Don't get involved with a MM - run as fast and as far away as you can." Actually I DID do that initially. Go back and read my very first/original post back in 2007 for clarity. And it seems you got what you wanted?you ended up with your MM, right? What I wanted? I didn't care about the end result - I am the type who lives a little bit more for today than tomorrow (unless we're discussing money) - so I didn't care if I "ended up" with him - I cared about being with him, PERIOD. He got a divorce (?) and now you two are now "together"? (I'm not really clear on what "together" means, in your situation.) Together can mean anything you would like for it to mean besides married. Do you regret getting involved with him while he was married? No regrets- he was very legally separated when we initially got together. Guilt came in after he went back home and we started an affair, and guilt continued throughout the affair for various reasons. But never any regret. Are you glad you DID walk away from the A while it was happening (if that's what you did)? I am not repeating a story that I have told at least 10 times on this board. History in old posts. Read them. Reason why I ask -- it seems like the active OW's on this board get raked over the coals by the BS's, until their situation changes and they marry their MM, who has divorced his current W and moved on to them. All of a sudden, these same fOW's are "in like Flint" with the married crowd. Same person with the same past - but no more bashing... I think because they've made their relationship "legitimate" so now everything's peachy? Frankly, I could give a rat's a$$ about how "legitimate" my relationship is to anyone but God, he and I, and his children. Therefore, I do not care if I am "in like Flint" nor do I care if things are "peachy" to anyone but him and I - so please, I do not fear being raked over the coals, matter of fact, it's the absolute least I expect from SOME folks here on LS, so as they say where I'm originally from, "Bring it!" I don't get it. You would think the BS's would be even MORE harsh, as their worst fear has been realized, right before their eyes. Yet another OW has successfully stolen somebody else's H. Hmm. I love this one. I stole a man who was unhappily married to someone who faked years of depression (she has a Psy D so she knew exactly what to do) so that she could slowly through the years embezzle his money? True and proven fact that came out in the divorce process. I stole a husband who tried to continue being faithful and love his wife even though she was cheating BEFORE he became involved with me? Another true and proven fact. A wife who walked out on him and left their children behind - I STOLE HER HUSBAND? See, everything that happens in the darkness always comes out into the light at some point. And while I am not sitting here trying to say that the affair was right because it certainly was not, it really doesn't appear as if I "stole" him....see, after 4 years of marriage, she no longer wanted him - and it took him many years to realize that. Hard concept to grasp? It does happen, you know. Sometimes, the MM and the MW really are being honest. And while all of the above has hurt him immensely and my heart aches for him for the way he has been used, I am consoled with the knowledge and evidence that he was telling me the truth from day 1, because frankly, I found some of it hard to believe. Help me understand! I don't think I can help you because you are coming across to me as if you probably don't want to understand. And just for the record, I don't care if we end up "married". I care about being a positive influence and a source of happiness in his life, and he in mine, whatever form the relationship takes.
Author complicatedlife Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Isn't this the guy with the kids that he and his W were using against each other? I might be wrong, but I remember that being alluded to in a thread. That would be the guy. Although, I had to say that at the time, but now that it's all over, it was the BS that was using the kids for leverage. If the kids are old enough' date=' they can see some things for themselves and make a determination to give you and their dad a chance regardless of what their mother says.[/quote'] Oh, she won't be saying much about that as she is in the same boat.
Author complicatedlife Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 You make a good point OB. My guess is that it is the legitimacy of the R since MM is now 'doing the right thing' by D-ing his BW. Further, he plans on marrying the fOW. I suppose this alludes to the unspoken yet highly anticipated moral code? WF - forgot to say thanks for coming back in! See my reply to OB for the first part of your post....also, I have never mentioned anything about us getting married. I'm happy with what we have now and seeing what develops from there in our new "real" world.
Author complicatedlife Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 OP: I'm glad that it turned out the way you wanted it to. I know how hard it is to get through this and still be sane. Good luck to the both of you. Try to put the past in the past and build a new R from here on out. One without the prints of a third party on. ((HUGS)) Thanks, GEL. ((Hugs))
Author complicatedlife Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Backing out right behind you. Sorry, I misunderstood. Don't wish anything bad on you, but I will wonder how it will work out. Actually, she came back in. I am not sure why you bothered to post something on this thread- first and foremost without thoroughly reading what I shared, and secondly to respond in a way that actually meant a lot to me and then chose to rescind it with your bolded words. Feel free to not reply to this post, but for a woman who I have often read her posts and thought of her to be a woman after God's heart, I must say that I found this particular post to be disheartening, cold, and the last sentence to be an un-christian-like statement.
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