TroyNJ Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Wow, I sit here typing this and feel as if my heart has been ripped out....First let me say i'm far from perfect, 4 years ago I had a EA I never touched the OW nor did I plan to, actually it was more like a friendship BUT certainly not acceptable for this I take full responsability..After my wife of 13 years found out she was hurt, I felt like the lowest form of scum on the earth (which I was/am). I promised her I would never speak to this person again and even provided contact info so she could question the OW. She decided we could rebuild things, in fact it looked like we would, I did EVERYTHING that she needed me to do for her to heal, for the first time in my Life I stopped thinking of myself first, I put her first ALWAYS not because I had too, I wanted too. My Love for her grew more, I cherished her and made sure she knew it, I helped with cleaning/cooking and anything else I could. I was really feeling good about my progression as a Husband. I also thought she was feeling the same way. Then I notice little things like her not wanting sex as often, her not hugging me or touching me (I enjoy that stuff). I would get a different excuse every time, I let it go as i figured it was part of her getting over what I did. I started to feel so lonely, and I tried to talk to her. She told me I deserved to feel this way for what i did, I didn't disagree with her but told her for our marriage to work we both have to give 100%...She laughed and said "no you have to give 120% and I only have to gove 20%" I was like WTF are u talking about. This statement shocked me. My wife is a SAHM, I make good money (about 160K/yr) she takes care of our Daughter who is 12 and also she has a son who is 17 from a pervious relationship. I have provided for him without a red cent from his biological father who he doesn't even know, never once did I complain or ask her to get a Job to help. She has a new SUV, nice things as well as the kids which I was more than happy to provide because they are my family and I love them. Last Night she told me in front of my daughter than she wishes I was dead and that she has been plotting to leave me for a few Months. This rocked my world and frankly nothing matters to me at this point, I haven't tried to talk to her nor will I..I guess I deserve this for what I did 4 years ago but why tear me down like this? I couldn't sleep last night and now am working a 12 Hour Shift and to be honest, I'm completely rattled:lmao:. I love her completely but have now no respect for her..She also told me I'm lower than her Sons natural father (who has never seen his kid) right after the "I wish you were dead" comment. Not sure what to do at this point, I know I can't talk to her for a while because frankly i wouldn't be civil..Thanks for reading.
Author TroyNJ Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 I'm still in shock but things are getting clearer, I know that there is now way this woman cares for me at all, I've went from sad/hurt to now being calmly angry, i think this is a good thing because I'm no longer feeling sorry for myself. This is gonna be a rough road but I'm ready to face it. I have no regrets, I tried and tried, she wasn't plugged in. Let's Roll!
Cinnamon777 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I feel shocked even though I don't know you or your wife that she would treat you this way after all you did to reconcile things between you. I would consult a lawyer right away - but I would also realize that you have a daughter and son together. While he is not biological, I would have to believe that he has seen you as his father and will need you every bit as much as your daughter. Do everything in your power to stay connected to the kids, but let your wife go. Clearly she is not able to love you any longer and her bitterness will not serve her well. I would not be surprised if she has someone else in her life. It's going to be a challenging time it would seem, but you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart for trying so hard after admitting your EA. Best of luck and write on LS whenever you need support.
fabulous_chk Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I would start NC with the wife and just be there for the kids. I hope I don't get to be like her - eaten up by bitterness. (Although cheating is HORRIBLE and could just destroy a person's soul).
Author TroyNJ Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 I would start NC with the wife and just be there for the kids. I hope I don't get to be like her - eaten up by bitterness. (Although cheating is HORRIBLE and could just destroy a person's soul). Yes it was unexcusable for the EA I had, I have suffered and beat myself up for it. We even went as far as reduing our wedding on our 10th Anniversary and I have done everything and anything that she needed. I was so into her that I lost touch with friends. I think maybe I put her on a pedastal and I think that may have been going to far. I have started NC with her, I'm preparing for Life without her, God knows i've tried to right what I did but a point comes when you get nothing in return you have to prepare to move on. I love her as much as ever but I've lost respect for her in some ways, I would never say things to hurt her like she did to me....So for the time being I will interact with my kids and isolate myself to my bachelors Den and play Lots od Rockband and just hope for the best. Even if she changes I will think long and hard before I recommit, she will have to show me thats she's committed.
Cinnamon777 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Even though you overcompensated by putting her on a pedestal she clearly never opened up to forgiving you. I feel so much for you and I'm hopeful for you. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself but it's important. Be sure the kids know they are not excluded from the "Bachelor's Den" and let the love continue flowing from your heart into theirs. You will not have to say anything against your wife as her actions will speak loudly enough to them. Take the peaceful route, love the kids, take care of yourself... everything else will fall into place.
Author TroyNJ Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Even though you overcompensated by putting her on a pedestal she clearly never opened up to forgiving you. I feel so much for you and I'm hopeful for you. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself but it's important. Be sure the kids know they are not excluded from the "Bachelor's Den" and let the love continue flowing from your heart into theirs. You will not have to say anything against your wife as her actions will speak loudly enough to them. Take the peaceful route, love the kids, take care of yourself... everything else will fall into place. My daughter plays with me alot, she is a very talented singer, i actually bought "rockband" for her..I just got hooked in the process. It doesn't take the pain away but it keeps me from doing the wrong things. Cinnamon, I really appreciate you responding to this thread. I get strength anywhere I can find it and your responses have helped.
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