paddington bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 So, there's a lot of talk on here about NC with an ex, or simply disengaging and not pursuing someone who is giving you mixed signals or has stated that they just want to be friends. All of this makes sense and certainly stops us from wasting time pursuing the wrong person for months or years maybe. However, I'm wondering if it's ever worth fighting for someone. A cousin of mine started an affair with someone and I was good friends with his then girlfriend. She found out about the affair and basically did everything in her power to save the relationship, said she was going to fight for him. In the end the relationship split up and he's still with the person he had the affair with. So, is it always a case of 'if you love someone set them free, if they're yours they'll come back to you' or is there any instances where you should show how you feel about someone and fiercely protect your relationship?
xpaperxcutx Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I feel sympathetic towards the ex gf for putting in the effort. She must have felt like a doormat trying to please his every whim. Not every relationship is worth saving if the partner is like your cousin, someone who refuses to put in half his effort. And no one person is worth pursuing if they already told you they're not interested. It'll be a waste of energy, and could end up getting a restraining placed you. The best thing to do is accept, and move on.
Mahatma Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 So, is it always a case of 'if you love someone set them free No, the idea is to set yourself free. If my girlfriend cheated on me, there would be no attempt at "saving" anything. I would always think about the other guy she cheated with while we had sex. Every time she told me she loved me I'd think of that other guy. Every kiss... F That. You cheat and it's over.
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Unless you're both committed to making things work, no one person can make a relationship happen. Imagine how difficult reconciliation already is, nvm trying to reconcile with someone who doesn't want to be there or isn't interested in making things work. There's nothing wrong with laying it all on the table about how you feel. Beyond that, the ball is in the court of the other person. To "fiercely protect" something that doesn't exist, is a waste of time, energy and emotion. To use other members' analogy, ever tried to clap with one hand?
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 No point in fighting unless the person wants to be fought for. I fought for my XH and look where I ended up - 4 years after he first cheated on me - and I kept fighting - I finally had to divorce him. He didn't want to be "won."
xpaperxcutx Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 No point in fighting unless the person wants to be fought for. I fought for my XH and look where I ended up - 4 years after he first cheated on me - and I kept fighting - I finally had to divorce him. He didn't want to be "won." Rules to live by: Never chase or FIGHT for a guy
Soul Bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I think you should. I did...oh man did I fight for her, and with alot of people on LS too!! Even though I didnt get the desired outcome....for now..... I feel incredible for doing it, stronger, happy within myself, confident..... Each to their own aye.
zhsoj Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Rules to live by: Never chase or FIGHT for a guy Make that anyone. I say fighting for someone is a bad idea and the analogy of "fighting" is quite appropriate. You really can't win a fight.
Soul Bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Make that anyone. You really can't win a fight. I beg to differ
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Rules to live by: Never chase or FIGHT for a guy Well - more accurately, I fought for my marriage when everybody told me I should leave. It was the "honorable" thing to do, I suppose.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Well - more accurately, I fought for my marriage when everybody told me I should leave. It was the "honorable" thing to do, I suppose. You must have been worn out. Most women just fight for the alimony and the house.
TheBigQuestion Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 In general, I think the answer is no. Even more so in my case. I tried fighting for a relationship that was just starting/wasn't official yet, and I would've been better off admitting defeat a month before I actually did.
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