Nikki Sahagin Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Hia, my ex has emailed me yet again. It was my birthday recently and I had a great time. I invited several groups of friends, but some of them were origionally 'his' friends, however during the duration of our relationship I felt they became 'our' friends. I'm not really a 'his' friends, 'her' friends person, I think you bring your friends together and just because your relationship ends, doesn't mean your friendships that you gained through the relationship should be lost because of it. Anyhow he obviously heard about the party somehow and emailed me saying how he my behaviour is completely disrespectful to him - which I find ridiculous because he disrespected me by contacting other girls over msn who he had fancied prior to being with me - flirting outrageously. A friend told me that he is only acting this way to try to stop me from having fun and enjoying myself, but I still feel, even as a single girl, he is trying to control me? I have become the fun-loving, free-spirited, kinda flirty but without intentions girl I was before I met him, and now he seems to have an issue with that. He said he is going to email me again explaining what bothered him and added that I probably wont care anyway. I don't know whether I should respond or leave it be. We said we wanted to be friends one day, but I find he is being controlling or jealous when i'm not 'his' anymore and he has NO RIGHT to be offended or disrespected by my actions, which are no longer in relation to him.
robinincarolina Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I would just ignore him. Sounds like you are doing great without him. They do these things to get a reaction from you. I would not give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Date without Drama is my motto.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 I would just ignore him. Sounds like you are doing great without him. They do these things to get a reaction from you. I would not give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Date without Drama is my motto. Thanks for you response. I guess i'm just confused - if he breaks up with me then WHY does he CARE enough to even feel disrespected? I'm not deluded enough to think he wants me back or anything like that, but I don't understand how someone can break up with and basically give over any rights to say 'hey I feel uncomfortable when you do this/that etc' and then start talking to you as though you are still there girlfriend/boyfriend. He is just full of so many mixed messages.
Soul Bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 How immiture of him.... Hold your head up high my dear, sounds to me like you have come on in leaps and bounds and now he is suffering!! Funny that, he left you and was happy, now you have put in the effort you are 10x the person you were, and he is starting to go backwards instead of fwds!! XD Thats the way the cookie crumbles. Laugh it off, your doing really well. Im proud of you Soul
notalone Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 He is probably just uncomfortable with 'his' friends hanging out with you. Dont pay him any attention, nobody can control who you choose to be friends with, least of all your ex. He is emailing you because he wants to get a reaction out of you...controlling behaviour. Very immature indeed.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 He has just text me again updating me about his job and for some reason this made me burst into tears. It hurts that he is keeping in touch with me, just because it reminds me of a life I am no longer part of, just as he is no longer involved in mine. Why is he doing this? Is he trying to stop me from moving on? Keep himself in my thoughts? :S
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Nikki, did you discuss NC with him or do you just expect that he will leave you alone?
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Nikki, did you discuss NC with him or do you just expect that he will leave you alone? He said he wants to be friends. I said I need space and time. I just don't understand why the little updates when we don't speak for a little while at a time. It just feels weird and painful. Its true that NC is less painful. Its less painful just NOT seeing and speaking to them than seeing and speaking to a person that is only offering you about 10% when you used to have 100%. I just don't understand his motivations or intentions really. It may be nothing but I just feel he is trying to keep me 'there'.
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 He said he wants to be friends. I said I need space and time. I just don't understand why the little updates when we don't speak for a little while at a time. It just feels weird and painful. Its true that NC is less painful. Its less painful just NOT seeing and speaking to them than seeing and speaking to a person that is only offering you about 10% when you used to have 100%. I just don't understand his motivations or intentions really. It may be nothing but I just feel he is trying to keep me 'there'.It's time to assert yourself. Respond to his email by saying: ------------------------------------------- "Dear Ex, As previously expressed, I need time and space. Leave me alone. Your cooperation in this matter would be greatly appreciated. Nikki" ------------------------------ Then ignore any further correspondence by blocking his email and cell phone number. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Based on his actions, I think he broke up with you so he could play the field and still have you.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 It's time to assert yourself. Respond to his email by saying: ------------------------------------------- "Dear Ex, As previously expressed, I need time and space. Leave me alone. Your cooperation in this matter would be greatly appreciated. Nikki" ------------------------------ Then ignore any further correspondence by blocking his email and cell phone number. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Based on his actions, I think he broke up with you so he could play the field and still have you. Thankyou trialbyfire. I just feel confused, because obviously I still care for him, but he broke up with by email before my exams and birthday. I feel he had no consideration for how difficult that made things for me and I didn't tell him how my exams went etc, but he feels the need to update me on the important things. Its so sad because we had such a great friendship, we knew everything about each other, but I have to be strong and think this was his choice; it was his choice to throw everything away because he was 'stressed' and if he couldn't be strong enough to stay with me through it, I can't offer him anything more now. It's just.....ahhh, they reach out to you and the part that cares/loves them wants to respond, but the part of you thats protecting yourself from the hurt has to toughten up. I suppose he decided to change things, so whether I respond or not is not damaging anything. He ended us. Sorry, just thinking out loud here!
TaraMaiden Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 You need to read Caliguy's link ion his signature. Then, follow through. No contact also means not giving him the opportunity to contact you. You need to either block his number form your 'phone (ask your provider how, if you can't do this) and delete and block his email ability. You have to resist any temptation to read anything, let alone respond.
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