Is it bad if I don't jive as well in conversation with my GF than with other women?

[Keslove]

My GF and I have a lot of great things going for us. Although, sometimes I'm a bit perturbed when I can flow better in conversation with other women (sharing similar communication style and humor).

 

How do other people handle this? Should I be concerned?

[colosseum]

Great question. I'm in the exact same predicament (though not gf yet) but we have a lot of fun together. How old are you? I'm 21 and the way I try to deal with it is that I'm still young and exploring and just learning how to get along with different people differently; not looking for marriage here. I like her company and all too, it's just sometimes our convs. seem a bit forced/contrived. Like you said; lacking a little flow. It does bother me sometime, justifiably or not, and sometimes I do wonder if one could ever build a LTR from it...my guess is not...

 

Wonder what others have to say though too. Sorry I couldn't be of big help.

[Ruby Slippers]

Personally, I would see that a very, very bad sign. I would see zero long-term potential with someone I didn't have great, easy conversation with.

[paddington bear]

Hmmm, sorry to say but I agree with Ruby Slippers. While no one person can fulfil all of your needs (that is what friends are for), easy, flowing conversation should be one of those things that goes without question.

 

I've often read about how workplace affairs etc start off with conversation, women get seduced by words more often than not. The old line of 'my wife doesn't understand me' might be a cliche, but I think someone who clicks with you verbally can have more of an impact on how you feel about them, than someone who is say, merely very sexy, because that is how ultimately we bond with people through shared communication.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I am not sure. None of the guys that I was stongly attracted to I could really talk easily with. This is because when I am really attracted to someone, I feel a bit intimidated and don't say much. I constantly think of what to say and measure every word. I can't just relax and talk.

 

When I am not attracted to someone, I can talk forever, no problem.

 

Thinking back, my ex bf who I knew very well for 5 years or so before dating (as in close friends) I could never really get the conversation to flow. After all that time I was still nervous around him. He on the other hand said that one of his reasons for breaking up was bad communication. So while it didn't bother me, it bothered him.

 

I have never met anyone that I could talk easily with AND am attracted to. But I would say that I am not the norm.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Also, I forgot to add that talkative, outgoing people can get the conversation to flow with just about anyone (doesn't mean that there is a connection).

 

Shy and introverted people have hard time getting the conversation to flow with almost anyone. So take the personality type into account as well.

[Els]

Also, I forgot to add that talkative, outgoing people can get the conversation to flow with just about anyone (doesn't mean that there is a connection).

 

Shy and introverted people have hard time getting the conversation to flow with almost anyone. So take the personality type into account as well.

 

That's not true. Even the shyest, most introverted people have, or have had, at least a few people in their life whom they can talk to easily. This should include their SO.

 

I've never been attracted to a guy before having amazing conversations with him -- they're just NECESSARY for me to form that special bond of closeness.

 

However, the OP didn't say he and his gf don't or have never conversed easily. He just said he feels that he converses with other girls better at the moment. This could be due to so many other factors: The relationship getting stale, for one. When you first meet a person there are just a million different things to talk about; when you've known him/her for a long time that tends to dwindle.

[northstar1]

Shy and Introversion are two entirely different personality traits.

 

Introverted people are usually have dynamic, flowing conversations with other individuals, particularly those they are close with - their stumbling block is the group setting, or making 'small talk' at social gatherings.

[BlueEyedGirl]

That's not true. Even the shyest, most introverted people have, or have had, at least a few people in their life whom they can talk to easily. This should include their SO.

 

 

What I have written IS TRUE for me. So don't generelize how shy and introverted people should act. Flowing conversation doesn't gurantee a connection. Of couse there are some people in their life that they can talk easily with. Those are usually the people that they have known for years or a very long time. I get the impression the OP is at the ealy stages of dating so there is little chance that his relationship has gone stale

[BlueEyedGirl]

Shy and Introversion are two entirely different personality traits.

 

Introverted people are usually have dynamic, flowing conversations with other individuals, particularly those they are close with - their stumbling block is the group setting, or making 'small talk' at social gatherings.

 

This is like saying that being good looking and pretty are two different traits. I would say that correlation between being shy and introverted is VERY high. Saying that they are "entirely different" is very false.

[Els]

What I have written IS TRUE for me. So don't generelize how shy and introverted people should act.

 

Right. So when you said 'Shy and introverted people have hard time getting the conversation to flow with almost anyone', it wasn't a generalization, I suppose?

 

What I was referring to as untrue was the part where you made it sound more likely for shy, introverted people to be unable to converse well with their partner. As northstar said, such people tend to 'mingle' less and talk less in group settings. It has NOTHING to do with how they converse with people they're comfortable with. It's simply not related, just like saying that people who are bad at painting are generally bad at driving cars.

 

And I actually had no idea how long the OP's been with his gf, that's why I listed that as a 'possibility'. However, I took the initiative to check his posts after you mentioned it, and it does seem like he's talking about the same girl whom he said that he's been dating for 2.5 years. Maybe you should have at least checked that before refuting me with your impressions?

[BlueEyedGirl]

Right. So when you said 'Shy and introverted people have hard time getting the conversation to flow with almost anyone', it wasn't a generalization, I suppose?

 

What I was referring to as untrue was the part where you made it sound more likely for shy, introverted people to be unable to converse well with their partner. As northstar said, such people tend to 'mingle' less and talk less in group settings. It has NOTHING to do with how they converse with people they're comfortable with. It's simply not related, just like saying that people who are bad at painting are generally bad at driving cars.

 

And I actually had no idea how long the OP's been with his gf, that's why I listed that as a 'possibility'. However, I took the initiative to check his posts after you mentioned it, and it does seem like he's talking about the same girl whom he said that he's been dating for 2.5 years. Maybe you should have at least checked that before refuting me with your impressions?

 

 

It is true that shy and introveted people have a hard time getting the conversation to flow with just about anyone. I didn't say with anyone but just about anyone. My point is that extroveted and outgoing people can get conversation to flow with much higher percentage of people than introverted people can. Those girls that OP was refering to as easy conversation could just be outgoing and thus have easy conversation with most people. It doesn't mean that they have a "connection" with OP.

 

As for 2.5 years with the gf, I wonder if it has always been like that or if conversation problem is periodic or more recent. Depending on OP's answer I will come back with advice.

[Els]

Regardless, even if his gf was introverted and those girls extroverted, it's still a huge red flag if he has NEVER been able to converse as easily with her as with them, IMO. Because introversion should not be a barrier to conversation in a compatible, comfortable relationship -- and if it is, then there's something askew.

 

I agree that good conversations don't guarantee a connection. But I believe that it is not possible to form a connection without good conversations. How do you truly KNOW the person without having ever talked in depth? Then again, that's just my opinion, of course.

[northstar1]

This is like saying that being good looking and pretty are two different traits. I would say that correlation between being shy and introverted is VERY high. Saying that they are "entirely different" is very false.

 

Not to beat a dead horse, but again, they are different concepts and are often confused as being the same.

 

Shyness is social anxiety, and both extroverts and introverts can be shy.

 

Introverts are energized by internal sources (thoughts, ideas impressions) and often depleted by too much external stimulai, including noise, too much conversation, distraction etc.

 

Extroverts, on the other hand, are energized by external stimulai (socializing, activities etc) and lose energy during down time.

 

I am an introvert, yet have no problem going up and giving a presentation in front of 200 people, or having long, indepth passionate conversations with people. That being said, being at parties, or other social events for too long drains me.

[prettybaby]

What exactly do you talk about with other women that you don't talk about with your girlfriend? Is it just random stuff like what you watched on TV, or the news, or hobbies, or whatever? Or is it also personal issues and questions that you feel you can't address to her?

 

I think we all communicate on different levels with different people, regardless of how introvert or extrovert we are. The topics and how personal their nature is, is what makes them different in depth.

 

That being said, for a relationship to work, you need at least some level of smooth communication combined with the whole personal aspect. I agree it's not exactly a great sign if you feel like things aren't flowing and that it's actually bothering you enough to ask about it.

 

Are you also very different personality wise? Do you share any common interests, hobbies, passions?