Kamille Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I've been reading a few threads where 30 something women worry about still being single. Lately, I've come to terms with the fact that I lead a life that is conducive to being single. I'm career oriented and I like to travel. If I had wanted the family thing, that would have happened years ago. Yet, I don't feel like I have been deprived of love. I've fallen in love with three men in my life, and I wouldn't replace any of those experiences for the world. They made me who I am. And each of those relationships were filled with romance and tender moments. Those are the moments I remember, more then the heartbreaks. It is better to have loved and lost, I say. Plus, if things had worked out long-term with any of them, I wouldn't be having an amazing time with the guy I am dating now. And I feel like no matter what happens in the future with this man, at least I will cherish the memories of these last few weeks. So cheers to being 30 something!
motive2002 Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Ahh Kamille. you said single in your post and then crushed my hopes later by saying you were seeing someone Maybe next time hehe
Author Kamille Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Ahh Kamille. you said single in your post and then crushed my hopes later by saying you were seeing someone Maybe next time hehe Oh you're definitely on my list Motive! Next time I find myself ready for a great adventure, you'll be hearing from me.
motive2002 Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Oh you're definitely on my list Motive! Next time I find myself ready for a great adventure, you'll be hearing from me. I'm BLUSHING!! :love: I'm glad to hear something positive about being 30 something and single. Just got into another break-up and don't want to lose all hope.
zhsoj Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Not to be a spoil sport, but I assume you tell these guys that you're not interested in anything long-term?
Land Shark Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I agree. Things are much easier to deal with when you just accept them as your fate.
Author Kamille Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Not to be a spoil sport, but I assume you tell these guys that you're not interested in anything long-term? How do I know it's not going to work out long-term? If someone comes into my life and it works out for the long-term, then it will be long term. I don't know ahead of time what the future will bring. But I also don't feel there's any pressure to find "the one". I think there's more then one person out there for us, and that each relationship hopefully makes us grow. One of those relationships lasted three years. (The other a year and half and the other 8 months) I just don't understand why people would feel like failures because a relationship doesn't last their whole lives. Love is love. I will never regret having loved someone. I agree. Things are much easier to deal with when you just accept them as your fate. Like getting attacked by Land Sharks?
zhsoj Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 How do I know it's not going to work out long-term? If someone comes into my life and it works out for the long-term, then it will be long term. I don't know ahead of time what the future will bring. But I also don't feel there's any pressure to find "the one". I think there's more then one person out there for us, and that each relationship hopefully makes us grow. One of those relationships lasted three years. (The other a year and half and the other 8 months) I just don't understand why people would feel like failures because a relationship doesn't last their whole lives. Love is love. I will never regret having loved someone. I guess I wish I had that outlook...
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I wouldn't be having an amazing time with the guy I am dating now. ? It's easy to say it's great being single when you're dating someone and enjoying yourself immensely!
Author Kamille Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 ? It's easy to say it's great being single when you're dating someone and enjoying yourself immensely! LOL! Yes, bottomline is, I am thankful nothing else worked out long-term because he brings so much to my life! But again, for all the reasons we know (me moving to Europe, his separation), there's a good chance this won't be long-term either. I just don't feel it diminishes in any way what we have together. Just like I never felt like the love I felt for my ex-bf (of three years) was diminished by the fact that we ended our relationship. Or the care and friendship for the first one, or the passion for the last one. I guess I just don't understand why people feel their exes "wasted their time". When I'm with someone, I'm with them because of what they add to my life, not for what I expect of them.
dreamergrl Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I guess I just don't understand why people feel their exes "wasted their time". When I'm with someone, I'm with them because of what they add to my life, not for what I expect of them. Oooh I can name an ex or two that wasted my time :p:p But you're outlook is great! Even though, as SG said, it's easier said when you're having so much fun with someone :):love:
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Why Women Over 30 Are Sexy Saw this article on MSN and it made me think of all the "I'm over 30, so my dating life is over" threads on LS lately. LOL
zhsoj Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 LOL! Yes, bottomline is, I am thankful nothing else worked out long-term because he brings so much to my life! But again, for all the reasons we know (me moving to Europe, his separation), there's a good chance this won't be long-term either. I just don't feel it diminishes in any way what we have together. Just like I never felt like the love I felt for my ex-bf (of three years) was diminished by the fact that we ended our relationship. Or the care and friendship for the first one, or the passion for the last one. I guess I just don't understand why people feel their exes "wasted their time". When I'm with someone, I'm with them because of what they add to my life, not for what I expect of them. Well I find it difficult to trust people I guess. Knowing that they aren't going to stick around doesn't exactly inspire confidence.
Author Kamille Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Oooh I can name an ex or two that wasted my time :p:p I can name an ex who wasted my time... But he didn't make it on the list of my three loves. Still, I learned a lot about life, love and myself from that a-hole, uh, I mean, guy. One of the main things I have learned from that guy is that love shouldn't come at the price of my self-esteem. Why Women Over 30 Are Sexy Saw this article on MSN and it made me think of all the "I'm over 30, so my dating life is over" threads on LS lately. LOL Awesome article SoulSearch. I raise my cup of green-tea to the "Cheers to being 30 and single" club! Well I find it difficult to trust people I guess. Knowing that they aren't going to stick around doesn't exactly inspire confidence. I do trust people easily. Innocent until proven guilty. What I see on here over and over again is people so worried about getting hurt that they forget to enjoy meeting and getting to know someone. Or so afraid of getting hurt that they will play games, or settle, or force commitments, instead of just being themselves. I'm speaking generalities. I haven't followed your story zhsoj - although now I am curious! Don't get me wrong, I have felt little and down about not finding "the one" in the past. I made and continue to make mistakes. I have gotten my heart ripped out of my chest. But I healed every time, and always felt I gained something in the end. Mostly, I trust myself to walk away if someone crosses my boundaries, or betrays my trust. I'm in charge of taking care of myself, not others.
zhsoj Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I do trust people easily. Innocent until proven guilty. What I see on here over and over again is people so worried about getting hurt that they forget to enjoy meeting and getting to know someone. Or so afraid of getting hurt that they will play games, or settle, or force commitments, instead of just being themselves. I'm speaking generalities. I haven't followed your story zhsoj - although now I am curious! Don't get me wrong, I have felt little and down about not finding "the one" in the past. I made and continue to make mistakes. I have gotten my heart ripped out of my chest. But I healed every time, and always felt I gained something in the end. Mostly, I trust myself to walk away if someone crosses my boundaries, or betrays my trust. I'm in charge of taking care of myself, not others. I don't have much of a story. I have my reasons/excuses for not being terribly trusting. I tend to make acquaintances instead of friends. The few friends I do have are very good, but time has scattered them all over the place. And it certainly doesn't help when they get married and completely disappear. So I haven't had a lot of chances with women, and with the few I've had I tend to put too much emphasis on. Doesn't make me any more trusting when I know I'm just an option. And so far that's all I've been. While I love the idea, I haven't yet figured out how to embrace the "better to have loved and lost" philosophy...
looking4 green grass Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Kamille I need some of whatever you're taking!! My 30th birthday is coming up and I admit, I have OMG I'm not married moments. My last single friend is taking the plunge this fall (although she is a few years younger than me) this year has been the year of the baby for my age group. I swear everyone had a kid. Then there's me...and my dog. I can't really complain though. While everyone else was meeting men and getting married I lived in four different countries, met tons of great people, ate some really weird food, and now I've landed myself in one of the most prestigous PhD programs in my field. So it was my choice I guess to end up in Notmarriedville, but it's still a struggle sometimes!
Author Kamille Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Kamille I need some of whatever you're taking!! My 30th birthday is coming up and I admit, I have OMG I'm not married moments. My last single friend is taking the plunge this fall (although she is a few years younger than me) this year has been the year of the baby for my age group. I swear everyone had a kid. Then there's me...and my dog. I can't really complain though. While everyone else was meeting men and getting married I lived in four different countries, met tons of great people, ate some really weird food, and now I've landed myself in one of the most prestigous PhD programs in my field. So it was my choice I guess to end up in Notmarriedville, but it's still a struggle sometimes! Cheers l4gg! And congrats on the PhD program... It's also what explains my residence in Notmarriedville, although I only ended up doing a PhD because I followed every opportunity to travel. Many of my friends are married, and many have children. I enjoy being the auntie and am considering fostering if ever the urge to parent gets too strong. I know, the children thing is something I struggle with... Not in a "I want some kind of way" but in a "will I regret it if I don't have any?". But in the end, I think children will happen in my life if the time is right. I certainly don't want to settle with just any man just because I want children. Like I said, my own attitude fluctuates. Right now, I am thankful for the life I have lead, the people and friends that have come into it and made me who I am. The laughter, the moments of romance and yes, even the moments of anguish and sorrow. I think I'm just done worrying about myself. I am doing fine. As is. No regrets.
moman Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 It's much better to be single and 30 something, than to have fallen in puppy love in your 20s and in the 30s now being divorced and supporting children. I'm 30, single, and loving it. I spent all weekend with my married buddies all complaining about their wives, bills, kids, etc, and I was complaining about losing $7 worth of golf balls.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 It's much better to be single and 30 something, than to have fallen in puppy love in your 20s and in the 30s now being divorced and supporting children. True that. Admittedly, I barely dodged that bullet myself. I got lucky; all I lost were a few small wedding deposits, a little self-esteem, a handful of liver cells, and all memory of the events of the next month or so. Would I rather be married? Yup. But I've seen a few friends who did the 20-something wedding, and, just as Moman said, are now sending their ex's support payments and seeing their kids on weekends. I think I got the better deal.
Isolde Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I'm not 30, but I'm soooo glad you made this thread. It's an affirmation of love in all its forms. And I'm putting a quote of yours as my sig.
Author Kamille Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 I'm not 30, but I'm soooo glad you made this thread. It's an affirmation of love in all its forms. And I'm putting a quote of yours as my sig. That's so sweet! Thanks Isolde. It's much better to be single and 30 something, than to have fallen in puppy love in your 20s and in the 30s now being divorced and supporting children. I'm 30, single, and loving it. I spent all weekend with my married buddies all complaining about their wives, bills, kids, etc, and I was complaining about losing $7 worth of golf balls. Can't give you back the golf balls but how about seven bouncing bunnies :bunny::bunny::bunny:. And the points you and JB make is so true! Whenever I feel down about being single, it's never really about any of my exes. I know for a fact the road would have been bumpy had we chosen to marry and have children. And I also know from friends and people here that easy-going relationships, the kinds that just make sense, do happen. We just don't control when they will happen! (My grandpa met his current gf when he was 71). So, again, moral of the story is, I'm going to stop worrying and enjoy my life. was also thinking, maybe my addiction to jazz vocalists has something to do with my sense that a fleeting -but healthy- romance is better then no romance at all.
DMoon Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 LOL! Yes, bottomline is, I am thankful nothing else worked out long-term because he brings so much to my life! But again, for all the reasons we know (me moving to Europe, his separation), there's a good chance this won't be long-term either. I just don't feel it diminishes in any way what we have together. Just like I never felt like the love I felt for my ex-bf (of three years) was diminished by the fact that we ended our relationship. Or the care and friendship for the first one, or the passion for the last one. I guess I just don't understand why people feel their exes "wasted their time". When I'm with someone, I'm with them because of what they add to my life, not for what I expect of them. Thanks for the thread. I think it helps if you don't have that overwhelming biological urge to reproduce. Once that urge is eliminated or never there to be nurtured--it is freeing for some women to really enjoy their lives and not be frustrated a biological deadline, supposedly competing with younger women, and “old eggs”. A personal friend of mine never had that nurture desire and she is in her late 30's. She is not shackled like some of our other acquaintances with settling and trying to get married, and they are envious of her freedom. She is happy to indulge in hobbies, have interesting relationships, and work on noble humanitarian causes that slings shots her across the globe. She is happy—does not feel the need to bow to social convention.
Cherished Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 That's great....will you feel the same if you turn 40 and are still single?
Trialbyfire Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I can't wait to turn 30!I felt the same way back when and haven't look back with any regrets. I'm actually looking forward to turning 40, just to see what it has to offer.
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