iloveanimals Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I really need to know. I really DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. WHY DO PEOPLE CHEAT? My fiance broke up with me a month ago initially listing all these RIDICULOUS reasons. A few days later I found out he had been cheating on me...something I never EVER thought he would do to me. I clearly did not know him at all. I don't want to get into the story of our relationship, but basically - it truly was PERFECT. I loved him more than anything in the world and he appeared to feel the same. The way he proposed to me was incredible. I would have done anything for him...which I proved when I gave up a job I loved and moved states for him and his career. Yet with everything I gave and put into this relationship, he found some whore at his work that he decided to dump me for. WHY. WHY do people cheat? Someone please tell me. I am a GOOD PERSON. I know I am. I would never hurt a fly. I would have done anything for him. I would have loved him if he lost a limb or went bankrupt. I don't care about those things - I care about what's INSIDE. So WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME?? It hurts so much. I just want to die. I hope this girl destroys his heart like he has destoyed mine. They are both TRASH.
motive2002 Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Hi and welcome to Loveshack. Sorry your first post is telling this horrible story. I can't tell you why people do the things that they do. I've heard it suggested that people cheat as a means of validation. I think with men it's just a matter of conquest.. or challenge.. or excitement.. I dunno. So he dumped you for her? Were you married? I know it's of little consolation, but better to know now what he's really made of then years down the line. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether you are a good person or not. Whatever you do, DON'T take the blame for a cheater, no matter how the relationship was going. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and I want you to fully understand that. The guy is a creep, and will probably wind up cheating on whoever this new chick is... and he's her problem now. Just don't beat yourself up. You tried to be a good partner and he turned out to be slime.
kandiSugar Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I really need to know. I really DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. WHY DO PEOPLE CHEAT? My fiance broke up with me a month ago initially listing all these RIDICULOUS reasons. A few days later I found out he had been cheating on me...something I never EVER thought he would do to me. I clearly did not know him at all. I don't want to get into the story of our relationship, but basically - it truly was PERFECT. I loved him more than anything in the world and he appeared to feel the same. The way he proposed to me was incredible. I would have done anything for him...which I proved when I gave up a job I loved and moved states for him and his career. Yet with everything I gave and put into this relationship, he found some whore at his work that he decided to dump me for. WHY. WHY do people cheat? Someone please tell me. I am a GOOD PERSON. I know I am. I would never hurt a fly. I would have done anything for him. I would have loved him if he lost a limb or went bankrupt. I don't care about those things - I care about what's INSIDE. So WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME?? It hurts so much. I just want to die. I hope this girl destroys his heart like he has destoyed mine. They are both TRASH. Men cheat, beacuse "Tramps" I always believed if we didn't have whore's then we wouldn't have DOGS. So sorry for what happened, but what goes around comes around good ol' "KARMA" he will do it to her or her to him.
Author iloveanimals Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Hi and welcome to Loveshack. Sorry your first post is telling this horrible story. I can't tell you why people do the things that they do. I've heard it suggested that people cheat as a means of validation. I think with men it's just a matter of conquest.. or challenge.. or excitement.. I dunno. So he dumped you for her? Were you married? I know it's of little consolation, but better to know now what he's really made of then years down the line. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether you are a good person or not. Whatever you do, DON'T take the blame for a cheater, no matter how the relationship was going. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and I want you to fully understand that. The guy is a creep, and will probably wind up cheating on whoever this new chick is... and he's her problem now. Just don't beat yourself up. You tried to be a good partner and he turned out to be slime. People keep saying to me - at least it happened before you were married - but it really doesn't make it any better. I was so in love with him regardless if we weren't married yet. I did everything for him. I was patient with WHEN we were getting married. We were having a long 2 year engagement - tho according to him I was "pressuring" him to get married sooner which is a complete fabrication! In fact, most of the stupid things he told me were complete lies. I am so darn angry at myself for letthing myself love someone like I loved him. I am so angry at myself for being blind to who he really was - a complete JERK who cares about noone but himself! In hindsight, I see what I disliked about the relationship. I see things that annoyed me that when I spoke to him about them, he didn't care. He is arrogant. He never cared about me. Maybe I am just saying this to make myself feel better. But I am getting to the VERY ANGRY stage of healing. I go back and forth, and today I am HATING him. I always prided myself on not hating. But after what he has done to me after all I gave up for him and how he has destroyed who I am - I hate him. I know it's not my fault - it's completely HIS fault and that TRAMP'S fault. If he didn't think with what was in his pants, this wouldn't have happened. I hate her and I hate him and I hate my miserable existance.
Thornton Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Firstly, the other woman is not necessarily a tramp or a whore... it's perfectly possible that she didn't know he was already in a relationship. I dated my ex for a good couple of months before I figured out he had a girlfriend; he told me he was single. He is the one at fault here, not her. If anything, you should feel sorry for the other woman... she probably doesn't know what he's like, and it's possible he'll eventually cheat on her too. Secondly, the people who cheat for validation are usually the people who do it multiple times, often staying with one partner and continually cheating on them. In this case what seems to have happened is: he met someone he liked (which wouldn't have happened if he was completely happy in his current relationship), he tried her on for size by cheating because he didn't want to take the risk of ending his current relationship for something that might not work out, but he found that he liked the new girl better than his current girlfriend so he switched. It's possible (and very likely) that the other woman doesn't even know he had a girlfriend/was engaged when they first started dating. OP, you loved him but he clearly didn't love you anywhere near as much, otherwise he wouldn't have left you for another woman. No matter how much you loved him, it isn't enough; he has to love you back too, and clearly he didn't. This is not your fault, and it probably isn't the other woman's fault either; your ex is the one who cheated. You deserve someone who loves you enough to want you, and only you, someone who would never even consider another woman because he's in love with you. I hope you can find someone who truly loves and deserves you.
huck Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Why do people cheat?? A weak will, too much booze, the thrill of it, putting themselves in the wrong situation - im sure the list could go on and on. I've experienced it and have to see my ex and the guy she cheated with every day at work - it sucks.. I remember Chris Rock talked about cheating in one of his standup routines and said when it comes to cheating ' Men are only as faithful as their options ' ... To the OP - im sorry your going thru all this pain - but sounds like you had a lucky escape....
Author iloveanimals Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Firstly, the other woman is not necessarily a tramp or a whore... it's perfectly possible that she didn't know he was already in a relationship. I dated my ex for a good couple of months before I figured out he had a girlfriend; he told me he was single. He is the one at fault here, not her. If anything, you should feel sorry for the other woman... she probably doesn't know what he's like, and it's possible he'll eventually cheat on her too. Secondly, the people who cheat for validation are usually the people who do it multiple times, often staying with one partner and continually cheating on them. In this case what seems to have happened is: he met someone he liked (which wouldn't have happened if he was completely happy in his current relationship), he tried her on for size by cheating because he didn't want to take the risk of ending his current relationship for something that might not work out, but he found that he liked the new girl better than his current girlfriend so he switched. It's possible (and very likely) that the other woman doesn't even know he had a girlfriend/was engaged when they first started dating. I respectfully DISAGREE with you. Yes, the girl knew about me. In fact, she was in a relationship too so she cheated on her fiance as well. They deserve each other - they are both cheating tramps. I absolutely DO NOT feel sorry for her or for him. And "trying her on for size" is cowardly, ridiculous, and I am shocked someone would stick up for someone cheating on someone else. I am not saying anything further to you because your post made me angry and I don't want to be rude. I know you are just giving a different perspective - one I wholeheartedly disagree with. I won't be posting on this forum anymore. Thanks for ruining something I thought would be theraputic.
Thornton Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Oh, well if she knew he was with someone and she was with someone herself then both of them are in the wrong. In your initial post you didn't say that the other woman was engaged or knew about you. In that case they deserve each other and you are much better off without him, as is her fiance without her. If they were both unhappy in their relationships (which they must have been to cheat together) then the cracks would have started to show sooner or later anyway, so perhaps it's best that both relationships ended when they did. I still stand by what I said though: he didn't have the guts to just end his relationship because he was having feelings for someone else (which would have been the decent thing to do), instead he non-commitally tried the other woman on for size while still maintaining his current relationship, and only when he decided he definitely wanted to be with the other woman did he end his current relationship. I never said that I agree with this behaviour, I merely pointed out that's what he did - personally I think if you want to be with someone else you should end your current relationship first. Too many people nowadays are like monkeys who won't let go of the last branch until they have a firm hold on the next one, as if they're afraid to be alone or something, and it's unfair to everyone involved.
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