So I got dumped.. but she still leaves me signs of hope? Long read but if you can giv

[Majour]

Well, its happened, I was dumped.. well here's the backstory.

 

I met a girl last year on okc.. I was living in several different places at once due to school and my internships, so I figured, what better way to meet someone. Well we finally met back last May at a concert and we seemed to hit it off well. When I came back to the area at the end of the month, I took her out on a date for her birthday, and we kissed and it felt magical. I had to go back to my internship for a few more weeks, but when I came back, we couldn't bear to be away from eachother. She did live 50 miles from me, but I was always on that end of the island anyway and we made it work.

 

I finally asked her out, she said yes, and we began as an official couple. Now mind you, I had to finish my final internship which was going to be in Washington D.C. while she lived back in another city. We made it work though, she took Megabus to see me, I took it to see her, we each sacrificed some time, argued a bit here and there, but always came out happy in the end.

 

In December, I came back for good. We had a few rocky points in December over communication and such, and I guess I kinda had some trust issues passed down from my family and my ex girlfriend from two years earlier. Christmas time came and we made it special for eachother (even though she was Jewish) and we had a good time. New Years we spent together with a group of my friends and one of hers, it was a great time.

 

New Years day unfortunately, my grandmother who had been diagnosed with Lung Cancer got worse, it metasticized to her brain. Now, I lived with my grandparents at the time because my family was dealing with some substance abuse problems, and I couldn't be there any longer. My grandmother and I you could say were very close. My grandfather was an alcoholic as well.. but really wasn't that bad for a while... but once he found out, he started drinking very heavily and when he drinks, he is quite an emotionally abusive *******.

 

It was a tough ordeal, I had to deal with him being emotionally abusive to both myself and her. I had to leave the house on several occasions during that. At one point I got mad at my girlfriend at the time for something completely stupid, and she said I needed to seek the help of a professional because she just couldn't deal. Mind you, she has been diagnosed as narcisstic, bipolar, ADHD, among many other things, so she herself was not always the most stable person. I sought out help of both a counselor and got some antidepressents/anti-anxiety medication because I was suffering major panic attacks.

 

We made up, and had a great few months of seeing eachother. She did get mad at me once on Superbowl, since she came home because she saw that I was dealing with a lot of crap. Now I never asked her to come home, she did anyway, and then kind of threw it back up to me because she felt like she shouldn't have sacrificed her time. I almost broke up with her right then. She wouldn't talk to me on the phone because she said I was "ruining her school work", which in a sense I was, but I guess we both felt we needed to resolve things.

 

We made up after, and a week later, she decided she wanted me to take her virginity, which was not only a big deal to her, but for me. I felt it was special, I had taken another girls virginity prior, and it gave me a feeling that they allowed me to take such a special thing from them.

 

Enough of that. We seemed to get along very well since then. I did have some setbacks myself during then. With the way the economy is going, several of the job interviews I had did not work out, it was very tough at times and she was as supportive as she could be, but I will admit, I didn't have the parental support behind me, which sucks. Anyway, my grandmother passed, she was very supportive and I guess thats part of the reason why this is so hard to let go.

 

Anyway, May came. I decided I was going to go my graduation. It was something that meant a lot to me. None of my family was going and I was hoping she would. She had a lot of school work and I guess I put some unfair pressure on her (my graduation was 8 hours away). She had a lot of school work and she felt like I made her feel like she never sacrificed anything for me. She broke it off, calling me selfish and brought up all of the stuff I ever did wrong. I felt like crap.

 

Combined with this and all the other crap in my life, I checked myself into a clinic for a week, got some new medicines and some new diagnoses.

 

Its been 3 weeks now almost. We spoke a few days ago (yeeeeaaaa I broke NC, and we were both crying and stuff). She told me she could see us together one day but now is not the right time and that she wants me to e-mail her if I start dating someone because itll make it easier for her to get over me.

 

Im 22, shes 20. I know that I look forward to the whole "forever" thing, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Am I looking with false hope? She meant so much to me. Ive learned over the past few weeks after going to the clinic and such that I can be happy on my own, but it will be tough, but I feel like id be happy with her in my life as well. We got along great when we were together. We bought eachother things and always had a special time.

 

Help? I still cry every night...

[Majour]

I will add a few more things. I recently made an okc account to try to find friends.. she is back on there too.. it sucks, I removed her from my searches, etc. I have been talking to this other girl, but she just doesn't seem like someone id wanna be in a serious relationship with. We're supposed to meet up Tuesday. Should I feel guilty and e-mail my ex and tell her that im dating? FML lol

[kyjok3r]

i know how you feel man i still cyr at night to man i loved my gurl man and you know when you get that feeling that want go away no matter how hard you try and it tells you that there the one and that you shouldnt give up well that they way i feel you can ceck out my story its called

[COLOR=#660000]I love her but she wants him (sorry for being long)[/COLOR]

i mean man i feel your pain like literly this gurl was there for me at some realy ruff times and it like my whole life was ruff and i neva told her about it. all i can say buddy is i know its hard cus it is for me and i keep failing witch is stand your ground and tell her eather she wants you or she dont if not leave you alone and its hard for me to say it i did it but she keeps coming back and ****. hit me up if you wanna talk im new here so

[Majour]

Yay... after I posted this.. I made the mistake of breaking no contact... it really ****ing sucks... of course I thought id give it one last go, try to be friendly, but it turned into the same ****, she wants to be single, date others, but still can't let go.. well **** it, im letting go... im a wreck right now.. im hoping I can snap out of it. I have another meeting with my therapist tomorrow, which should be of some help.. because ive been in hell since December.. and now it seems even more ****ty

[kyjok3r]

well let me give you some adivce make sure your over her before you go on dating another female cus you could end up breaking the others heart because of this gurl i tryed to date around and stuff missn around too with other gurls it didnt feel right so im gonna stay single for awile. and if a gurl comes along and steals my heart then so be it. and if she comes back make her prov her self cus i cant stand when history repeats its self thats what im goin to do

[Majour]

In some ways, I know that being single is the best thing for me in my life right now, but in other ways, I just want to explore, see whats out there, and I guess prove to myself that someone else could be attracted to me, and that I can do it (I have some bad self-esteem issues stemming from a young age). I guess I just want that feeling again. I know, im young, 22, but at the same time, its tough looking at everyone around you (my cousin who is my age has been dating her guy for 7 years, my friends have been a couple for 4, my other relatives have only had one bf or gf that they've married) and I feel so much guilt in some ways for not being able to hold onto the relationship.. no matter who's fault it was in the end, I guess I always thought I could make things work. People tell me to be optimistic.. I try.... and it backfires...

 

I try so hard to be a nice guy. I don't have much money right now being a student out of school, but I still always tried. For example, on Valentine's day, I took two cab rides just to get her 3 of her favorite cupcakes, and the necklace she had said she liked before, and a personalized card and flowers spray painted to her favorite teams colors... For Xmas, she was jewish, I bought her 8 gifts to make it like the 8 nights of Hannukah (one happened to be a stocking since I felt hell, Christmas could be celebrated by all). She got me boxers or something. I even got her a coin holding dirt of a stadium that had been torn down that she loved to be at.. and I said it was a piece of my heart going with it.

 

I guess sometimes.. maybe I just try too hard and get down on myself.. but at the same time, I feel like if I don't try hard, they will leave me in the end anyway. I guess I always try to do what id always want to happen to me. Althought I don't expect the girlfriend to shower me with gifts or anything, I guess in an emotional sense, I try to show them that no matter what I can be there. Unfortunately, she didn't have financial problems, she didn't have a crappy family, or a death.. and I wished I could have shown her that, no matter what id be there.

 

I guess ive come to the realization that, if something such as my grandmother's funeral is such a "sacrifice" and "sacrifice" needs to be thrown up to me.. then im better off... it hurts, but ill do better... and in some ways I wish I could do better and just throw it up to her to make her feel like crap, make her realize what she's lost. I almost wish she'd call me up and beg for me back, just so I could have enough strength and courage to say no and that I am better off... call me cynical.. but I guess im still at the grieving stage where I hurt so damn much and wish that she hurt the same way I did.. my heart is broken and it just needs time to repair.. I guess theres no quick fix

 

 

Still sucks though

[david_ryan]

you know, same thing happened to me (in a sense)... my significant other (SO) broke up with me after 5 years of an awesome relationship. it hit me like an unbelievable lightning bolt. total sucker punch. i tried everything to get back together at first, and of course it totally backfired and make us move even farther apart.

 

so i did what is reccommended, NC 100% for a month,,, got some texts after 3 weeks, ignored. found out he visited my work to see if i was there (thank god i wasn't). it drove him nuts. i was in a better place, but i have to admit i was thrilled at those attempts. i still stayed in NC anyway becuase whenever earlier before NC i saw or texted or spoke with him it felt like kryptonite and my weakness showed and i could tell he still didn't want me back.

 

so back to the month of NC,,, after ignoring 100% those texts and hearing of him showing up at my work after i left (i worked at bar)... i was happy to see it was driving him nuts, but i really was in a good place by then. worked out, hung out with friends, and paid attention to my huge gigantic void hole in my heart by being good to myself.

 

then after 1 month, i was waiting for a UPS package and heard a knock on my door. there he was, crying and shaking. he missed me so bad, and it was only because i proved to myself that i was fine alone by myself.

 

i told him he had to be strong, and i was sorry he was hurting. that i loved him and if he wanted to meet for a bike ride and lunch later he should text me but that i had to leave for a freelance job. he was in so much pain he asked if he could lay down on my couch before i had to leave and i let him. i rubbed his back and was loving to him, but i knew i needed to be the strong one.

 

then i dropped him off, and i did not text or call at all for another week. then he called me for the date. i rode my bike up to the coffee house and we had a great afternoon. i did not bring up anything about our relationship but instead focused on staying present. i saw the twinkle back in his eyes, and somehow during the next 3 weeks we did end up getting back together.

 

you know, i know he loved me always, but it took my confidence in knowing that, giving space, and being okay alone. i knew i was a catch and was being unappreciated and with someone afraid of commitment. they just don't miss you if you they know there is still a line they have you attached to.

 

that was 3 years ago. now we've been together for 8 years total.

 

and that was a great 3 years.... although the pattern is now happening again! he loves me so much, i'm his best friend, but he is finding himself again not wanting to be in this relationship. so guess what,,,, i'm still fine. i still love him so much but i have learned to let go again. now i'm NC.

 

i'm not fed up with his non-commitment patterns... i think it's sometimes healthy to shake things up,,, it's like a re-set button to a relationship. i'm pretty certain he'll be back. not sure where i will be,, i'm hurting but i'm going to be strong and i won't even consider going back til i see that twinkle again. i told him that, and i know he loves me, likes me, and is attracted to me. there is nothing else i can do but be strong.

 

if our getting back together only lasted a few months, i would be fed up... but the fact that it lasted another 3 years is something that i would consider being back with. i know that we have magical times more than negative times.

 

so i'm not going to freak out, or panic. SO are not dead, they are living often very decent people. and i believe in giving chances,,, only if it feels magical though and ONLY if they do the work to get back together. make it hard for them though, NC & finding personal happiness without them! -- really, it is what THEY want, even though they don't know it at first!