bluewolf17 Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 So, I have listened to so much advise on here, and given a lot. It is always harder when you have to give yourself advice.. If you don't know my situation, you can look it up. In Short, together for 3.5 years. I broke up with him in a fight end of Feb. A few days later I came crawling back-and he didn't want me. Fair enough, then we talked, when on some dates, I tried everything I could to win him back. Finally, he told me 18 days ago that he didn't want to get back together "right now". so I went NC. It hurt so much to feel like I was being strung along. So the text is crumbs..I know that. It reads "Hey- I hope you are doing great. I saw you drive by North on Friday". (North is a pub near both of our homes, as we only live 9 blocks apart). I didn't respond. At first, I though, he is just being nice. Then I thought, he just feels guilty, Then I thought, maybe he is reaching out, after all, I am the one who messed up. I don't know what to do!! I want him back desperatly but I don't want to be desperate! I just started to feel okay and stop crying, and here he is. Bluewolf17
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I did find it a unusually chilly today. lol Well you want him back but you just stopped your crying. To be honest that would be hard. I would just ignore it. I wouldn't know what to say. You saw my car? Was it clean? Contacting him will probably bring back all that pain. In the end you have to say to yourself. "Is it worth it?"
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 You saw my car? Was it clean? That's a great response! Ha. Isn't this him reaching out to me? I don't know. I just feel like I did a lot wrong, and I am the one that really tried to go another round with him. I guess if he really wanted me back, he would try harder than a text..but I just don't know.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 He may be reaching out but not in the way you want. Its very possible he only wants to see how your doing. You know what could happen if you reply. You have to come to terms with it. You reply, conversation goes nowhere really and back to not hearing from him. You reply, conversation gets good and your thinkin there is a chance for you 2 but it is just false hope and your back to square one. Could you handle just being his friend? Could you handle hearing him say he doesen't want you back again? The best advice I can give. Is you know what you can take. You know the risks. Follow your heart!! I'm here for you whatever you decide to do.
kizik Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Anything less than "I'm so sorry, I love you and I want you back" is not worthy of your attention. I hope you realize that very soon, because relationships should never be one-sided. There's a good chance you miss having someone, but I don't yet see much to miss about him.
kizik Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I guess if he really wanted me back, he would try harder than a text..but I just don't know. Really? You guess? People travel thousands of miles, sacrifice their jobs and livelihoods for loved ones. They don't just send texts. I am sorry, but if he wanted you back he would be banging down your door. Please don't try to convince yourself otherwise. Accept that he does not feel the same connection you do. Accept it, and then you can begin to move on.
hoping2heal Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I agree with Kzik, if this was a reconciliation type reach out, you'd know it.
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Sigh, You all are right. Of course, I knew what you would say anyway...besides Soulbear maybe So where are the cupcakes and party streamers??? I didn't call. I didn't text back. I deleted it. I know what it was..he felt guilty..he might miss me, and he might not want to look like a "bad guy". But he certainly doesn't want me back. It just sucks I wish it where more. Back to NC.
TheBigCow Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 As an idiot who always does the wrong thing and gives terrible advice.. I have to say its very hard for guys to know how much chasing is too much. I say follow soul bears lead.
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 TheBigCow, I don't understand-are you advising me to respond or to leave it alone?
TheBigCow Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Yeah.. I'm sorry I just didn't want to be causing trouble where you seemed to have decided. Okay If I was your ex, that text would have been an attempt to see if you wanted to be chased before I completely embarrassed myself by sending something like "I love you come back" and having you not respond to that. But thats just me. Clearly thats not that case for kizik and hoping2heal. But then maybe its just because you seem like a nice person and so I would probably want to chase you.
TheBigCow Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Bottom line: *I'm TERRIBLE with women* so I'm sorry for confusing the matter
workingman Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 ignoreeeeeeeee. playing games with him wont make you feel better. Do yuorself a favor and ignore him. Hell, block him if you can If he really wants to talk with you about anything important or new, a text is not the appropriate channel. Communication is as much about sight and sound as it is context and words, maybe a brief phone call or a public meeting would suit you, should you choose to indulge him.
kizik Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Bluewolf, I am throwing you a huge party with streamers and cake in my mind for not responding. That must have been very hard, and I'm proud of ya. he might miss me, and he might not want to look like a "bad guy". But he certainly doesn't want me back. Please don't wonder what his motivations and intentions are. The harsh truth is that you will never know why he did what he did, or why he's acting this way. Not unless you ask him, which opens a huge can of worms that's hard to seal up again. I was hanging out with a buddy of mine tonight and he told me that my ex lives in the same neighborhood as him. That hurt - just hearing about where she lives! I guess this is not helpful at all, but they really never do go away for those of us who cared. All you can do is be successful, despite (or perhaps because of) the breakup. For me, this has involved pursuing my music. Just got my CD Release Party finalized and am excited to perform next month. Bluewolf, what are some goals/projects/passions of yours?
TheBigCow Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 If he really wants to talk with you about anything important or new, a text is not the appropriate channel. Yeah this is a good point actually. I'm sorry, these guys are right, don't play his games. If only everyone was just open and genuine about their feelings.
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Just a follow up. His text to me came around 3:00pm. I went to bed, and was woken up by my phone...another text from him that read "Okay. Then.". Then another one saying the same thing. Guess he really wanted to make sure I got it! Lol. My goals Kizik? Graduate asap and save up to go to NZ to visit my best friend for a few weeks. I also want to start looking at graduate schools. Happy Monday to all.
RogueAC Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 So where are the cupcakes and party streamers??? I didn't call. I didn't text back. I deleted it. . No cupcakes or streamers -- but how about some bunnies? :bunny::bunny::bunny: bluewolf17, good for doing what is best for you and right now that is NC and healing yourself.
PinkRibbon Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Hey Bluewolf17 I would ignore the text. He knows where you stand and what you feel. If he is not going to say what needs to be said in that text then ignore it. Easier said than done I know. Can't throw you a party but I can send lots of well wishes and hopeful hugs. Sometimes I think is is aweful we meet people online that you would really like to just give a big hug to and can't. So you are getting a virtual hug and a dinner!
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Bunnies, virtual hug and dinner! It's my kind of day! Sometimes, I just need to confirm what I already know. It's always harder when you have to take your own advice.
TheBigCow Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Graduate asap and save up to go to NZ New Zealand? Woo! I'm in New Zealand! How cool. Where abouts in New Zealand does your friend live? Have you been here before? Its so cold at the moment
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 New Zealand? Woo! I'm in New Zealand! How cool. Where abouts in New Zealand does your friend live? Have you been here before? Its so cold at the moment I know she summers somewhere on the South Coast (not sure where) but in the fall and winter, she is in Wanaka. I have never been. She was born and raised with me in Portland, Oregon, but has lived there 3.5 years and just became a citizen!
TheBigCow Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Wanaka, cool, good skiing there. New Zealand is nice, you'll like it
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I'm sorry, but I disagree. No you shouldn't play games with him. That I agree with. But him txting could be testing the waters. Out of being bitter many people will say IGNORE HIM! RUN! Thats all fine and dandy. In the end you have to do whats right for you. Like I said you do know the risks. It sounds like by you ignoring him you did the right thing for you. But I won't be suprise if he trys again. If he dosen't then atleast you have the space you need to move on. If my ex txt me and I felt I was in the position to talk to him not ask questions and not care, I probably would. I can't because of my emotional status. Its just to much for me. Knowing your limitations is half the battle.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 People travel thousands of miles, sacrifice their jobs and livelihoods for loved ones. As much as this hurts, I have to agree. It's sad how we all (including myself) start make 'exceptions' when we're in love and heartbroken. And recently, I've been looking up to the ones who can be honest with themselves and end something when it has to end. Example: Cheating to a lot of people is completely unacceptable. And a lot of people don't even consider giving second chances after a move like that. I was once one of those people. And I never thought I would be 'the other kind', or the pushover. Until I was. I honestly don't want to talk about the details of my situation, but I'm sure you know where I'm heading... We have to stop lying to ourselves. A text simply asking how you're doing, or ANYTHING along those lines most likely doesn't mean anything. And even if somewhere deep down it does, if he's really the one for you, it'll CLEARLY show. If he REALLY longs for you and wants/loves you as badly as he should in order to have a serious future together, he'll do something to prove it. And sadly, a text like that doesn't show squat sh*t. Btw, I know I'm being harsh but I'm assuming you're at the point where you can take stuff like this. I'm not the type of person to say things like, "Be a man, and move on." and I absolutely hate it when people are harsh with me when I'm at that very vulnerable stage we all know very well. But then again... people don't know when/if I'm at that stage so I won't point fingers. -stops rambling-
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 As much as this hurts, I have to agree. It's sad how we all (including myself) start make 'exceptions' when we're in love and heartbroken. And recently, I've been looking up to the ones who can be honest with themselves and end something when it has to end. Example: Cheating to a lot of people is completely unacceptable. And a lot of people don't even consider giving second chances after a move like that. I was once one of those people. And I never thought I would be 'the other kind', or the pushover. Until I was. I honestly don't want to talk about the details of my situation, but I'm sure you know where I'm heading... We have to stop lying to ourselves. A text simply asking how you're doing, or ANYTHING along those lines most likely doesn't mean anything. And even if somewhere deep down it does, if he's really the one for you, it'll CLEARLY show. If he REALLY longs for you and wants/loves you as badly as he should in order to have a serious future together, he'll do something to prove it. And sadly, a text like that doesn't show squat sh*t. Btw, I know I'm being harsh but I'm assuming you're at the point where you can take stuff like this. I'm not the type of person to say things like, "Be a man, and move on." and I absolutely hate it when people are harsh with me when I'm at that very vulnerable stage we all know very well. But then again... people don't know when/if I'm at that stage so I won't point fingers. -stops rambling- Good info. I didn't take it as harsh. I need harsh. Your right, anything less than " I want to talk about us" via a phone call isn't worth it. I won't ever know what he is thinking, and it doesn't matter anyways. And of course, I was back to looking at my phone all day. Funny how one little text can throw you off. Tommorow it's Day 2 NC. I read that I have to start over because he contacted me. Another reason to think he's a real piece of work.
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