Jump to content

Had Sex, Now No Contact: ??


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

I am a 20 yr old female who had sex with a guy that I've been into for almost a year now.

He had a girlfriend during the first half of the year and so eventually I just decided to put him in the out-of-reach cattegory.

 

Then a couple months ago he and his girlfriend broke up because she moved to a different state. And so a few weeks ago the attractoin between us became very clear and we began hanging out all the time and getting physical which eventually led to us having sex.

 

We had sex a few times and the time we spent together seemed to be very romantic, natural and sincere. (unlike most guys which is why I havent been with many men)

 

He is the third person I have ever slept with and he knew this. He also knew I really fancied him and I truly believe he had some sort of feelings for me (other than just physical) as he does not sleep around either (and trust me... he could!) and he seemed very genuine and open in front of all our friends about our brief romance.

 

On the last night we hung out (3 days ago) he became standoffish and when he went to the bathroom I saw that he had been talking on the phone to his ex before I came over! ( i know, wrong of me to look but there was something very strange in his behavior)

 

I suppose they still keep in contact. I was sad that things cooled off and now we will not see each other for the whole summer and I feel like total ****. I feel like a whore but since I dont really have experience with casual sex I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act or how to handle this.

 

He hasnt called me and I havent called him and considering we were friends before all this happened I feel like I want to call him and just say something like "you know sleeping with you was kind of a big deal for me and I just wanted to make sure we are cool. I dont want things to be weird between us now.. and blah blah blah."

 

However I'm pretty sure this is a mistake because I dont want to seem desperate or whatever but it really was a big deal to me and I feel really weird that we arent talking or that things are left so strange.

 

What should I do and any thoughts to what this guy might be thinking??

What is a good way to view/handle this so that I seem confident but also not as though I don't care..

 

THANK YOU for your time!! Really appreciate any comments.

Posted

If the only reason they broke up was she moved, then it sounds like he wasn't over her yet when he started hanging out with you. You were likely a rebound for him.

 

When he was at your place acting cold, that's when you should have asked him what was up.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't call and say you "just want to make sure things are cool." They aren't cool with you, so why beg for reassurance from him. He'll say, yeah, sure, things are cool, and you'll still not have an answer.

 

If you call him, he'll either be standoffish on the phone or he won't. If he is, that gives you a perfect opportunity to ask why he's being so cold to you now. If he's not standoffish, you can still ask why he was cold to you the last time you saw each other.

 

Be prepared for hemming and hawing. People don't like to be confronted when they aren't behaving in a civil manner.

 

The bottom line is you two were having sex, hanging out, and had a friendship of sorts. Then that changed and now you aren't hearing from him. Whatever the underlying issue is (probably connected to his ex), he isn't treating you well, so you shouldn't be soooooo desperate to try to regain his friendship or act like nothing's happened. Don't accept being treated with disrespect or like your feelings don't matter. You're better off not trying to be friends with someone who can have sex with you and hang out and then just drop you.

Posted

And whatever you do, try not to feel like a whore. It wasn't whorish behavior--it's bad behavior on his part.

Posted

Oh dear, this is a rotten situation for you.

 

Firstly I've come to realise that when a guy pulls back, acts stand-offish then there's always a reason for it. Imagine that you hadn't checked his phone, you would be wondering if there was something wrong with you. What's happened is, he or his ex got back in contact and now he's 'confused'. As norajane said, he is obviously not over her yet.

 

Best thing to do is the no contact rule. Just leave him to it, let him work out what he feels about his ex and step back and try to get on with your own life. I know it's hard and it hurts and you feel rejected, but you can't make him want you and not her. I find a great way to get over these kind of confused men who don't know what they want, or a rejection is to start getting insulted over it 'he could have had ME, wonderful ME and he chose her??? How dare he????' That way you realise that you deserve more than this kind of treatment, and keep your self-esteem high. Do you want a guy that likes you so long as his ex is out of the picture, or do you want a guy who sees the value in you no matter what?

 

Don't you dare think of yourself as a whore, ever. You gave yourself to this guy while telling him that you hadn't slept with many people and expected him to take that at face value and not use you merely for sex, you were up front and honest about it, but honestly, he, or any man can't be expected to stick with you long-term so that you don't feel slutty, he has to make his own decisions about his life.

 

I've done this many times, slept with someone, thinking it was going somewhere and then the other person changes their mind. That doesn't make you a whore, or a slut, it just means you are a trusting person and thought things were going to work out differently than they did.

 

Either you never have sex with anyone you feel serious about ever, or you have sex with them and risk that they might leave you afterwards, so what if it's another notch on your bedpost? No one other than you needs to know how many people you've slept with and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Posted
And whatever you do, try not to feel like a whore. It wasn't whorish behavior--it's bad behavior on his part.

 

I agree that she shouldn't feel like a whore, because clearly she was not paid for the sex.

 

However, she should feel VERY stupid. They are not dating... how is he supposed to treat a booty call?

 

If your going to do the casual sex thing... you can't have stupid expectations.

×
×
  • Create New...