TheCat Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 My boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me 3 days ago... long story short we began having problems after i found out his coworker liked (that was 5 months ago) him and started getting insecure. We were supposed to move in together, but he got cold feet which added to my insecurities... I've never loved anyone like him, and according to his words he had never loved anyone like me. Lately I was just miserable and I guess that pushed him away..so a few days ago he said he needed space, which to me instantly meant we're done. I asked him if it was because of that girl, he said yes and that he has liked her for a couple weeks now. My heart is crying right now, but I went NC. And I haven't heard from him since... I don't want to move on, my heart doesn't let me. I just want to know that he still at least thinks of me. Oh yeah, I'm 23, he's 31 P.S. The thing that hurts the most is that I lost two ppl - my bf and at the same time my closest friend..
wow123 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I'm in the same boat as you. She left me for someone else after telling me she thought I was the one a few weeks prior. Everyone says time will heal us and I have to believe that we will eventually get better. Some people are always looking for something new and exciting it seems.
Author TheCat Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 I just don't know what to do. I try to be strong, but it really isn't working. I always thought we'd make it, he's always been here for me. It kills me right now.. I know we had problems but we never even tried to fix them...I've never been so hurt in my life and I've been through difficult breakups before.. Do you guys think he'll call?
Author TheCat Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 it's been 4 days of NC and instead of getting better it gets worse I feel like I died for him or something. How can he forget me like that :'( I'm not even angry anymore I just want him back with me.
wow123 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Everyone is different, he may call he may not. Mine did after a week of NC. I didn't answer because I felt as though she was calling to relieve her guilt. She never tried again and that was over a week ago. If she really wanted me back she would try alot harder than that. Unless he wants you back, you don't want him to call you. TRUST Me a guilt call will only set you back like it did to me. I sat around thinking about why she might be calling, what she would have said etc. Be strong. Dont answer unless he makes it clear that hes calling to reconcile.
hoping2heal Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Of course it's unbearable. It's a break up. They are traumatic, they hurt like nothing else in this world, they aren't supposed to feel good. Listen, here's the deal this guy wasn't willing to comitt to you; wait let me rephrase that; he NEVER fully comitted to you.This is evidenced by the fact that he allowed himself open to other women (how he grew to fancy her) and his little cold feet epidemic where he didn't move in. In short, he was never that comitted to you. Yeah, maybe he has loved you like he never loved before; but that's not saying much then because this guy was never 100 percent comitted to you. No one's perfect, everyone does ****ty things it doesn't mean they are always the worlds worst bf or gf and yada yada yada, but this has nothing to do with him being a good or bad guy, he simply after a very long time wasn't comitted to you and wasn't ever going too, for that reason alone he isn't right for you because correct me if I'm wrong here; you want a man that is fully comitted to YOU. If that's the case, then you want someone, but this guy isn't it, because a fully comitted guy is not who this guy is.
turtlerabbitd Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 ................................... No one's perfect, everyone does ****ty things it doesn't mean they are always the worlds worst bf or gf and yada yada yada, but this has nothing to do with him being a good or bad guy, he simply after a very long time wasn't comitted to you and wasn't ever going too, for that reason alone he isn't right for you because correct me if I'm wrong here; you want a man that is fully comitted to YOU. If that's the case, then you want someone, but this guy isn't it, because a fully comitted guy is not who this guy is. She's got a point. He was never that committed to you. My ex for example I was really committed to her until she cheated on me. After that, I lost the love that I once had for her. Don't get me wrong, it will hurt like hell. but You have to understand that he broke up with you and if he wants you back let him work for it. Don't expect to get over it so quickly because you won't. Hell my ex and I broke up about a month ago and I"m still hurting and we were dating for one year. Heck, I even ask her to marry me. But, at the end of the day, If a person really loves you, in this case your BF, he will be completely committed to you and only you. When i was in love with my ex, i remember saying to her I will only love you and only you, I only had eyes for her. I refused to look or even consider another woman. So fight through this. You'll find a better man. And don't short change you self. You get through this and you'll see that better days are just over the horizon.
Author TheCat Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 He actually txted me last night saying how i probably dont wanna hear from him but he wants to say hello and hopes im doing ok. Sealed the message with a "big hug". Of course I didn't reply. Like I said before (in other threads), if he wants me back he can try harder than that, but I will not give him the pleasure of thinking everything's ok, because I also realize he's txting out of guilt. He can think whatever he wants. He knows I'm better than this girl, when he was dumping me he even said I'm better... I didn't go into details in my previous message, but we are in a LDR and she's there.. I'm not. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, he's actually a great guy. I know he loves me and right now he's very confused. He only started liking her because of the pressure of our own relationship, I know it. Because when I was insecure all the time, she was there all happy and "woohoo".
boriscat1 Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I spent 18 months being obsessed with someone. It consumed my every thought, every minute of the day. I loved him, hated him, loved him, hated him. My behaviour was very unattractive indeed. I spent some time in therapy and also went to SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). I have written a small book that may help people in the same situation. It is called When Love Has Gone - Coping with Obsession and can be found at www.whenlovehasgone.com I really hope it can help you in some way.
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