LostInLimbo Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 After a few weeks, I (39yrs old) just recently contacted my ex, who had left me (she is 31), after not answering a few of her txt msgs...I felt content with me, then did txtd her.. We hung out for the last 4 days, went out places, she continued to tell me over and over how much she misses me, on and on , showed me txt messages the kids sent, saying they hope we go back together, how really good I look, told me she called my friend, crying she hadn't heard from me, actually treated me like she loved me, she suggested we go for counciling, in which I set i up. Just on Friday,few days later, we txtd back and forth, I asked if she still wanted this, because I got the feeling she hadn't, she said she did, I felt it only maybe cause she had left me a few times, but she said she still did, she talked family, marriage... I did tell her if I am crowding you,tell me, she said she would do so.. But here is the clincher, we had gone back to my house on Saturday night, she kept initiating sexual talk,,,and on and on, I did give in (my fault) when we woke up, she said I have to go, (she had friends coming into town) I however have txtd her a few times, and my final was asking she call me, but I have heard nothing, so I am not sure what to think, or what is going on.....I suppose I should stop texting and let go...?????
Author LostInLimbo Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 You should not have broken No Contact. Hi Loveshy, I broke it cause I was wanting to work things out, and figured NC means you don't wanna work it out and move on..
tigerstripes Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 NC is not right for every situation. It's great for the young folks who haven't been through enough breakups to know what the right thing is to do and just need to move on. However, I'm not going to judge but she sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants despite what she tells you. Ok I guess I am going to judge So I would say just keep your eyes open if you're going to pursue this. To get to your actual question, she said she has friends in town today so she's probably busy with them. Cut her some slack, it's only been a day. If you don't hear from her in the next day or two then start to worry about what to do. For now, do nothing.
Author LostInLimbo Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 NC is not right for every situation. It's great for the young folks who haven't been through enough breakups to know what the right thing is to do and just need to move on. However, I'm not going to judge but she sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants despite what she tells you. Ok I guess I am going to judge So I would say just keep your eyes open if you're going to pursue this. To get to your actual question, she said she has friends in town today so she's probably busy with them. Cut her some slack, it's only been a day. If you don't hear from her in the next day or two then start to worry about what to do. For now, do nothing. Hi Tigestripe, thanks, I am thining of just lettn go and the only time I will text her, is if I get a confirmation for a time for counciling.... But even then I think, maybe its wrong and let her contac me...
tigerstripes Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I say, if you're not 100% sure that you want to contact your ex and can handle the consequences, then don't do it. Sit on it for a few days and if you still really want to then do it.
Montclair0011 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Set up the counseling and try to get her to go even if she's lukewarm. Don't push her to be 100% on board with the plan. The counselor can help sort this out one way or the other. You both need to put some boundaries in place and to listen to what the other is going through. Until then, try to chill out. It sounds like you want this relationship back sooooo bad it might be overwhelming her. LC until you go to the counselor might be a good idea.
Author LostInLimbo Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 Set up the counseling and try to get her to go even if she's lukewarm. Don't push her to be 100% on board with the plan. The counselor can help sort this out one way or the other. You both need to put some boundaries in place and to listen to what the other is going through. Until then, try to chill out. It sounds like you want this relationship back sooooo bad it might be overwhelming her. LC until you go to the counselor might be a good idea. I think your accurate, as well as other replies here... I think the sleep over is what has messed me up....I am going to have little contact, not doing the Texting Terrorism...it seems when she felt she lost me cause of the NC I stuck to, she was so pleasant that first night we met, but now that I felt I got pulled back in...its reverse role, she isn't txting me, but it has only been a day, with nc from her..my last msg was Call me when you can...debating on whether thats going to do damage by answering..damage as in...her having her finger on me still, cause I answered when she called... TY
LadyV Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I do have to agree...No sleeping with the ex....It only leaves room for more confussion. I did this with my XBF thinking that it would just be a "sex" thing, Yeah...NO!!! Don't go there. It leaves room for more heartache and dissapointment in the end. Expecially if you know what you want, but the other person doesn't.
Author LostInLimbo Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 it is a damn big mistake to sleep with ur ex during the NC period, or b4 u could be sure of what she really wants, now it backfires on u. it is obviouse that she does not know what she wants, she came back to u bcz of the lust only. if this woman was really sure that she wants u deadly, she would ignore any friends (if this is the true reason) and she would grab ur hand to go to her house to meet her kids , in short she would do everything to impress u to get u back, but.. unfortionately she ran away with a stupid excuse anyway don't feel like u have been used for sex, don't get angry, and don't contact her. sorry dude but the ball is in her field now, and she will make the rules. unless u get damn strong to ignore the whole thing till she calls u one day dont call her for a week ( i know it is very hard) if she does not call u during a week, then be sure she does not want u, then move on with ur life. Hi Hell, thanks for your advice and I do regret sleeping with her, only because it brought me back before the NC period I made to myself.....I did forget to put in, that she has agree'd to do counciling for couples in a couple of weeks, my only contact was sending her the time and place and left it at if she needs a drive to let me know, followed by I wouldn't bother her, after that text and if she wants to go out or chat, then to txt me...she replied ok... Pretty much it...
TheCat Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 LostinLimbo, I can see you want to be with that woman, but I think you should have made her work more if she wanted to be back with you. Men and women aren't so different after all ... All of us want something that's hard to get. And you SHOULD be hard to get, especially since it was her who left. I know it hurts but us dumpees gotta be strong and stop boosting their confidence. They can't have their cake and eat it too!
Author LostInLimbo Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 LostinLimbo, I can see you want to be with that woman, but I think you should have made her work more if she wanted to be back with you. Men and women aren't so different after all ... All of us want something that's hard to get. And you SHOULD be hard to get, especially since it was her who left. I know it hurts but us dumpees gotta be strong and stop boosting their confidence. They can't have their cake and eat it too! Hi Cat, Thanks, I have gotten some really good advice here, I haven taken the LC rule instead of NC, I still get one Txt message a day and reply, but not in such a hurry to reply, I feel as I have slowly gotten back to my old self when I was in NC Mode, I have no urge to text message her, we do have counciling in 2 weeks, but feel it maybe a waste of time, as I have not seen her for 4 days, just a txt here and here...
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