Nikki Sahagin Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I would need something MASSIVE - some real hardcore proof. I've realised I can actually be forgiving - i've always thought I was the hold a grudge type, but i've let that go. However I think if someone hurts you, even if its not at the end degree of the scale, with something like cheating, it could be many other things, but once you've been hurt by someone, its nearly impossible to erase all that and return to the level you were at before the tide came in. Unless you truly can let go and the person truly can change - and you look at the memories and pain as just something thats passed. For me he would need to do something like take me on a trip around the world, wine and dine me, spoil me, give me endless cuddles and affection. Just some kind of massive gesture that would make me feel we were bonding, being close and really working as a team. I don't know anything could erase the damage truly....but if he wanted to, he would have to really show me, beyond any words.
fairycake Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 However I think if someone hurts you, even if its not at the end degree of the scale, with something like cheating, it could be many other things, but once you've been hurt by someone, its nearly impossible to erase all that and return to the level you were at before the tide came in. I completely agree with that. My ex has hurt me to my core, I'm getting through it but I thought I would break. The way he split with me, then pushed for friendship which I tried to go along with (couldn't let him go straight away and was blind enough to think it would mean he would change his mind) and then didn't make any effort there is unforgivable. Now I suspect he's with someone else despite needing to be alone. I think he's selfish and pathetic and I've lost respect for him.
EmperorR Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Nothing, although I want it, I know I could never trust her again, I'll always be thinking every day is she going to leave me. That's why I can't do a second chance if I get dumped again I'll feel like the biggest idiot ever. She lives two hours away, I would need her to basically show up at my house on her hands and kneees begging how she made a mistake,how her whole life has changed and she realized what she lost, odds of that happening 1 in a billion.
PinkToes Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 He just needs to show up at my door with his suitcase. Yeah, I know, I haven't learned anything! lol Yup, me too; tonight at least. Suitcase optional.
Intricategirl Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 reconcile Verb [-ciling, -ciled] 1. to make (two apparently conflicting things) compatible or consistent with each other: in many cases science and religion are reconciled 2. to re-establish friendly relations with (a person or people) or between (people) 3. to accept or cause to accept (an unpleasant situation): we reconciled ourselves to a change [Latin reconciliare] 1. Look at the example. Science and religion. Two things that don't really have much business straying into each other's territory, and it's a rare person that can manage to combine the two without one getting shortchanged. And the people who can best reconcile such differing viewpoints usually acknowledge that there are very few points of agreement, but try to elevate those points. 2. I have friendly relations with my ex. Last Sunday, he took me and the kids to see Up. I thanked him for the movie and left. The day before that, he made me an omelet and brought it over, because he made one for the kids and knows I enjoy them. I have had him over for drinks, though I don't see ever doing that again. I can be friendly with him. I don't want anything beyond that. 3. Yep. This one is my definition. I am reconciled to the fact that my ex cannot be the man I want him to be. And if there was a magic wand that would suddenly turn him into the man I wanted him to be, then I'd be very thrilled. It would mean he would be a kind, generous, thoughtful, insightful person who is capable of forming close relationships without inflicting damage. And he'd finally be able to find a good person and make them happy. That person wouldn't be me. I want him to be a good man. I don't want him to be my good man.
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