sandimae40 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 My husband and I have been married for nine years but we have lived apart for two years. Earlier this year we had decided to go our separate ways. Then recently, I realized that I want our marriage to work so we agreed to reconcile. Everything was wonderful for about a month, then suddenly, he said he wanted to be single. He had started talking to an old flame before we agreed to reconcile and though he told her he didn't want a relationship, she kept calling. Now, suddenly he wants to explore a relationship with her. However, he still loves me and if the relationship with her does not work out, and I agree, he wants to reconcile. I am at fault in the long separation and I realize my mistakes and I want to fix them. I know that he and I are truly soulmates. How do I get him away from her and back in our home?
eyeswide Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 sandimae, there's so much I don't know about your situation, so I don't feel confident giving you a strategy for getting him back, but this much I'll say. While it can be very difficult (sociologists say almost impossible) for us little humans to predict how we're going to feel about things in the future, I encourage you to do your best to figure this out. Let's just say he does try things with his old flame and then things don't work out and he comes back to you. Could you really be happy with him in this situation? It sounds like you feel like you owe him something because you "started it" when it came to separation, but you've since recommitted and, supposedly, so had he. (I'm wondering if he was just kind of getting used to the idea that he might sow his oats when you got back together and then felt kind of disappointed that he didn't get the chance?) But the question to ask your potential future self seems to be, "could I really feel okay with him coming back to me -- or would I feel like sloppy seconds and resent him and doubt myself for that and would that get in the way of our reconciling?" If you think it would be too painful, then maybe you need to let him know that, no, if he doesn't want you now then you can't promise to be available to him later. And, honestly, I doubt it is a good idea to "wait for him." I think you would probably just end up feeling more vulnerable later. But again, I don't know you, and I don't know the whole story and I may be off. I just see things that would be red flags for me if I were in your situation. Best of luck to you...I hope you are able to figure out what/who you truly want...
robinincarolina Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 There is no surefire way to get a man back. You definatley should not wait for him and by no means even if in your mind you are waiting for him, don't let him know. You will be far more attractive in his eyes if you are moving on. Funny thing happens in a mans mind when he realizes he may lose you forever. They tend to start thinking. I got my man back. But he was not going out with another woman. I did wonder though if I would get him back, but I had a plan and it worked.
Author sandimae40 Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Thank you all for your posts. My husband and I have reconciled. I perservered and he realized he loves me, not the girlfriend. So, everything is going well at this time.
TaraMaiden Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Ping....Pong....Ping...Pong. So you are quite happy to let him bed-hop and sleep around and wait for him to get tired of his current splayed legs, and wait for him to come back and hitch up with you again? And all the times in between, you also find a nice guy friend, have a fling, and enjoy sex with someone else, yes? please let the answer be yes...... Please!! because if the answer is no, then you are too dependent on him. This isn't true love. A person who loves you will not have an affair, then come back, then have another affair, then come back..... unless of course, you're so desperate that even a nod and a wink sends everything fluttering.... I'm sorry, but you seem to lack self-respect, self-worth and any dignity. How many more times are you prepared to let him spread it around before you see what he is doing to you?
hopesndreams Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 So, everything is going well at this time. You both have issues that need resolving. How about you both get into therapy while you are both in that "happy" place? Otherwise, you'll be back in LS, next week, next month, next year.
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