iBelieve In Symmetry Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I am doing NC and honestly, it's a lot better than keeping contact. It's a lot less painful. But from people who have gone through this... Do the bad thoughts stop? You know... I've been feeling pretty great and when I'm with my family I feel complete which is something rare to feel while heartbroken but I can't help to wonder certain things. What she's doing, does she still care even a little, etc etc. The regular sh*t everybody wonders and thinks about. The questions can go on forever but to keep the question short, does it ALL come to an end? I WANT it to come to an end, I don't want to love her anymore, want her, miss her, nothing. If I could forget her, I would. And I want to know if it'll ALL someday come to an end, to where I don't even care about her anymore. Caliguy, No Foolin, all you NC/moving on gurus, or anybody else... Any insight?
TheBigCow Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Hi Symmetry, I have not completed my recovery (found out today I'm actually quite a bit further back than I though) but I can give you some positive news.. and then a wee pessimistic spin. When I started NC I was exactly the same, mostly okay around family but a mess alone. After about a month I realized that I was thinking about my ex considerably less and some of my feelings had mellowed out, extreme pain replaced by simple regret and loss. So yes things do improve, it ain't quick but they do. Also I still have odd days (like today) where feelings rush back just as intense as the worst part of it, but recovery from that is much more swift (I hope, this ones been a bit lower than most) and I'm guessing eventually these become so infrequent they don't interfere with your life. Now for my not so uplifting part. I'm sick of hearing that love is not forever, I think it is, people are just idiots and prefer something 'new' (not saying 'new' relationships can't have love, but it doesn't get rid of the feelings they ignored). Having said that, I'm talking about serious deep love, nothing less. If you honestly really do love your ex, I'm sorry but in my opinion you always will. You may not want them back and you may be in love with another but your feelings for your ex will still exist somewhere inside of you.
playlislay Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Now for my not so uplifting part. I'm sick of hearing that love is not forever, I think it is, people are just idiots and prefer something 'new' (not saying 'new' relationships can't have love, but it doesn't get rid of the feelings they ignored). Having said that, I'm talking about serious deep love, nothing less. If you honestly really do love your ex, I'm sorry but in my opinion you always will. You may not want them back and you may be in love with another but your feelings for your ex will still exist somewhere inside of you. Wow, I totally agree with this. As you say, it has to be a 'strong' love-people who have experienced this WILL know the difference. I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved my ex, even the love for my ex husband didnt exceed this feeling. Admittedly, I am only coming up to the 6 months mark in regards how long we have been seperated but, I know that this love will stay forever, no matter how much I convince myself otherwise. I think it is awful to know that this love, although it may fade, will continue whilst I am with another. Who knows? You may find someone that exceeds that love, and if you do then great! If you dont (but you obviously love your new partner), then you must not let it ruin your life or resurface-easier said than done maybe? Good luck hun x
TheBigCow Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Not trying to be a downer here (I guess we all are really!!) but the unfortunate part of this is I've come to believe that even for people who will always hold this love, the other half of the equation may not feel the same way at all. My Father has been married 3 times, his first wife died, his second wife left him for a woman and now he's happily married. But he told me he still misses and loves both his 1st and 2nd wife (2nd is my mother). And this is over a lonngg time period.
Author iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Thank you both and I'm so sorry for the late reply. I had a girlfriend before her whom I was with for about a year. Both of our feelings fizzled out, so neither of us were heartbroken but I feel in my heart I'll always love her. And through hard times with my recent ex, I always found my mind wandering back to my ex ex, if you will. Since those were the 'easy/happy' times. Not wanting her or anything. Just like going back to a childhood memory of you eating ice cream with your mom or something... So yeah, I believe you'll always love the people you truly loved. But does that mean someday I'll feel for my ex what I now feel for the girlfriend I had before her? Basically... full acceptance. Accept that it's over, that it's never coming back, that they have someone new, and be perfectly fine with all of this? I mean it's only been 5 weeks since the breakup and a week since FULL no contact (including no checking MySpace, no blogs, etc.) I know I have at least a couple of more months to go but honestly I've thought since day 1 that my recovery was going to surprise me. That it was going to happen a lot faster than I thought. I already feel functional and it hasn't been that long, most people are still crying around this time. I feel fine, FOR THE MOST PAST.
TheBigCow Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Early days iBelieve In Symmetry. I can't say for sure these feelings will pass because I'm at 4 months (6 weeks NC) and I realized just 30 minutes ago when I was chatting to a mutual friend that I am still clinging on to a hope that things will work out. But if you felt any less at 5 weeks I'd be stunned.
Author iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Early days iBelieve In Symmetry. I can't say for sure these feelings will pass because I'm at 4 months (6 weeks NC) and I realized just 30 minutes ago when I was chatting to a mutual friend that I am still clinging on to a hope that things will work out. But if you felt any less at 5 weeks I'd be stunned. We'll get through this, I'm sure. People say it's easier to let go when you weren't happy. And for over a year, I haven't been TRULY happy with her. Bad overpowered the good 95% of the time. A lot of me feels like there's a huge weight off my shoulders rather than a loss. Though I do feel the loss. I don't know, we'll see. I don't really have hope in being with her again. She's done so much I know it'll never be able to work out beautifully again. And that hurts, mostly because it's her fault and I don't think I should have to suffer because of her mistakes. But whatever... I have a lot to offer to someone. I'm happy with myself and my life, the only thing holding me back is being in love with her and her stuff bothering me. Like her being with someone else... I think all I need is time.
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