Last letter to an abuser

[Elleski]

May 30, 2009

Hi W___:

I found a counseling program for myself to heal my mind that specializes in treating domestic violence victims who are disabled. We tend to allow more dysfunctional situations to manifest in our lives since our self esteem is damaged because of our condition. This same program referred me to some programs that are not affiliated with the court system so patients aren’t forced to go there. That way, people treating you will be a lot more sensitive and not just working for the man.

I got a list of three. The first works directly with Connect, the people who got help for me. Try them first. And it is run by a Black/Latino brother so he will be more sensitive to your cultural needs. They are all abuser programs that have anger management components. That way, you can work on exposing your higher self. Here go the list:

1. New Start Batterer Intervention Program

Contact: Bernardo Villasane

212/252-2298

2. PAC (Power and Control)

Contact: Dr. Parrins

718/388-5950

3. Family Wellness Program

Part of Children’s Aid Society

Contact: Edith

212/503-6842

As I suggested before, it would be good for you to practice Tai Chi for control and meditation for deep inner reflection. You can Google Tai Chi schools in New York including Brooklyn. For the meditation series sponsored by Chris Keane, go to

http://www.meditationwarrior.com. I get emails from him all the time.

I finally opened Conversations With God. It is an amazing book as you said. I now understand why things have happened between us as they have. I have let go of any bitterness I was feeling. A few passages helped me know I could feel better about the dissolving of our particularly intense union. These passages are the words of God to the author:

Nothing is painful in and of itself. Pain is a result of wrong thought. It is an error in thinking.

A Master can disappear the most grievous pain. In this way, the Master heals.

Pain results from a judgment you have made about a thing. Remove the judgment and the pain disappears.

Begin by being still. Quiet the outer world, so that the inner world might bring you sight. This in-sight is what you seek, yet you cannot have it while you are so deeply concerned with your outer reality. Seek, therefore, to go within as much as possible. Put it in the first person to make it more personal:

If I do not go within, I go without.

You have been going without all of your life. Yet you do not have to, and never did. (This is why meditation is important.)

There is nothing you cannot be, there is nothing you cannot do. There is nothing you cannot have. (Remember The Secret?)

I will do nothing for you that you will not do for your Self. That is the law and the prophets.

The world is in the condition it is in because of you, and the choices you have made—or failed to make.

(Not to decide is to decide.)

I now know that there is no need for me to be sad because we cannot be together, although feeling bad is something I will do because I want to and that’s okay too. We all are resistant to change, but this change has to happen for my safety and sanity; for us both to grow.

I must be grateful for what I have and stop longing as if I have lack. I don’t. I have not lost anything because our love is gone accept some money, which I can recover. The lesson for you is to please take responsibility for the results in your life. That is the only way to make conditions better for yourself. I will as well.

It is true that the end of our partnership is exceedingly tumultuous. I never thought I’d experience this. I never loved a man as much as you. In the beginning I never felt so loved. Given that you helped me stop abusing myself and that we have so much in common regarding our outlook on the world, I just knew you were the one and this was it. There was no false evidence appearing real. I trusted you with my life.

You say you didn’t learn anything from me. That’s not true. I know I taught you what real love feels like and you have acknowledged that no one can love you like me. You will always remember that and I know you’ll miss it. I will miss loving you too.

If you have not, check your email for a link about the New World Order I sent you.

I will always love you Baby,

M_______

[TaraMaiden]

very interesting.

Apart from the commercial link, which is forbidden, what would you like us to say?

[Elleski]

I wanted to share this with those who may be suffering from a disability that are being abused. Also for those who are being abused and want to find help for their mates. That's why I posted this letter.