Mr. Noname Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Hello people, I'm new here, I found this great forum a couple of days ago. English is not my native language, so perhaps some people can have some difficulties reading my text. I want to tell you my story, I think it is good to write your emotions down. Let's start from the beginning: I have been dumped 3 weeks ago after a relation of more then 3 years. The girl I loved said that she didn't love me anymore. It was a great shock because I thought everything was ok! It's so hard to cope with the situation, I miss al the good times, I miss her arms around me, I miss getting intimate with her etc. It's f*ck*d because I acknowledge this will never happen again. I'm applying the no contact rule for a time now, in the beginning I broke it to get some answers and to deal with a couple of things, like the cancelling of a vacation. I don't want to break the NC but I can't get her of my mind. I'm feeling sad and sometimes I have great anger towards her. Anger because she is so indifferent and goes on with her life, she is happy, she is free and she will fall in love again... Anger because I could not understand why she is throwing this away! It's a silly reason why she dumped me, we were both very young and she want to regain her freedom and wants to see what is more in life. But in some way I can understand it, maybe it's better in the long term. I have to accept it and deal with it. It's so hard to cope, she will never be a part of my life again! I'm afraid of the future, will I ever fall in love? How do I cope if I accidently see her again? I have also problems with the fact that I'm very busy at the moment, I have to do some exams and I have the feeling I will not make it. But hey, I can do some of them next year, but it's a terrible feeling anyway! I always managed it, but now I'm afraid I don't! Thank you for reading my text, If any of you got some helpfull tips, just post them! If you want to share your vision post it either!
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Can someone give their vision? Do girls change their mind often and want to reconcile? Is there any hope? It's so strange in my opinion that someone who loved you is not loving you anymore! Ok, it's not that she made the decision in one or two weeks, but I can't get it. Is love not supposed to be for ever? Do people understand that my ex left me because she wanted to see more in her life? The greatest blow to my manhood was the fact that she said that she wasn't attracted to me anymore. She said she and I had a wonderful time but she saw me more as a best buddy then a lover (in the latest months). She also wanted to be friends, but I said don't contact me anymore only if you change your mind. I think being friends is just BS! I'm now on approximately on 21 NC, I did saw her a couple days later when she left me, it was hard but I only said hi and some sentences and then left as quickly as possible. Her mother also wanted to contact me, but I let my buddy say to her that I don't want to be contacted anymore. So this was my story, want to know what you think of it.
era Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Hi Mr.Noname... I feel your pain, I truly do. I'm probably a lot older than you, but - I remember in my early twenties my boyfriend (he was my first love) dumped me. We were in a relationship for 2.5 years. I was shocked. Just like you. Please keep up the no contact, and keep reading and posting on LS, because there are many posters who are in the same boat as you. You are not alone..
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Thank you for your reply era! I some way I feel stronger when I post here and read some stories of others. I also feel strong because I had NC for several weeks by now! Sometimes I hope she change her mind, but rationally I know that wouldn't happen. But the most frustrating is that she said maybe our ways come together after a year or so. I said to her on the phone (two days after break up) that it's not realistic, and wanted her to repeat the sentence she would never come back. She did it a couple of times and I think this was somewhat of a disclosure for me. But the downside is, I have a strong hope, I imagine how she calls me up and cries that she want me back. It's a sh*tty situation, but I know I don't e-mail her, I got my friends to talk if I have a strong urge to e-mail her (everything else is deleted, but her e-mail I can't erase from my memory). And I also saw a great thread here on LS when you have a strong urge to contact your ex.
Nedved Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 hang in there my friend!!! Your doing great. I know how you feel because i'm in exactly the same situation as you. Just over 2 weeks ago my gf of 4 years told me she did'nt love me anymore. Its not as easy as i'm sure you know now. Like you i'm angry, sad and very hurt. some days are better than others. I know your stomach prob feels in a knot, your prob thinking of the nice memories and the most painful for me is thinking of her with somebody else. Its a very lonley experience but we'le get through it. I find reading the threads here and posting on LS really helps. some wonderful people have given me some great advice and coping tools and i can't thank them enough. Your right to maintain your NC because keeping in contact will only break your heart. I to had to break all contact for my own sanity even though i so want to talk to her and i feel i have so many things to say to her.But i can't because the reality is like your gf she's a different person now and they d'ont love us anymore. there's no point chasing somebody that no longer has feelings for you. maybe someday they'l regret it but we can't waste our lives waiting. we have to move on. Today is a good day but i know tomorrow could be bad so just take every day as it comes and stay busy. we just have to be patient. the pain will go eventually.
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Thank you Nedved, We have to be strong and fight the urge to contact your ex. Nicely said: it's not going to help. Look it at this way, if the exes want our back they know where to find us. I'm thinking about the possibilty that she can change her mind, but for my own sanity I must not think about that. You can also think, if this relationship didn't work why would it work over a year or so? If your ex gf is doubting her love she will always do, maybe we were not the right person after all. But on the other hand, in my opinion it's better to experience a sad feeling about the break up then never loved someone. I had a wonderful time and I will always remember her, it's hard but we all need to move on. It's not going to help to think about your ex, especially not with someone else. You must block those awful emotions, but I don't say we must block all our emotions, it's our right to feel awful now. It's not bad to have some narcistic thoughts about yourself, I think it was her fault to let me go and F*CK up our relationship. See yourself as the best boyfriend she ever had or will have. Maybe it's not the truth if you see her next time with a Brad Pitt look-a-like, but think it anyway! We also must acknowledge we are all better then this, we deserve better and not a person who is emotionally immature and can't make up her mind. My ex will learn it the hard way, maybe she is now relieved about the break up, but in the future she will recongnize I was not that bad at all! I think the bottom line is this, you can make a huge step if you can say to yourself: she can't come back, it didn't work and it will not work in the future. Above all of that, she doesn't deserve to come back! Secretly we all want he/she back, but acknowledge the fact that isn't realistic. Nice to put all my frustration and sadness in a thread on LS!
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Ok I'm f*cking confused right now, I saw a post that gives a lot of false hope, It states that you can in some way win your ex back if you go trough several steps. The law of attraction or something similar. I think for some people it's nice to have some hope, but I think if someone is dumping you they to it for a reason. That reason does not change quickly or even change at all! I mean, if my ex would see me after a couple of months/year I think she doesn't changed her mind, maybe she is with another dude or something! It's so hard, I can't let go of the feeling that things will work out and over a year we are back together! Is there someone who can give his/hers opinion? Can anyone give any advise, or maybe something I would give up my hope?
Soul Bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Mr NoName, Read that post again...It is NOT about false hope, or winning your ex back, it is about winning YOURSELF back. Its abut LETTING GO of your ex and loving yourself Its about getting the 'old you' back again. The you that you are happy and confident with. Its just a bonus if your ex comes back to you, its mainly about becoming the man you once were when your ex fell for you in the first place. Happy and confident within yourself Dont be confused brother man, you seem like a good guy, but you are in the early stages of breakup.
xxSRMxx Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Don't listen to posts about winning your ex back and all that cr*p. If they want to be with you, they will be with you, its that simple. They will get in touch, they will try to win you back. Why waste your time on somebody who won't waste theres on you? (i should really take my own advice!!) I think LS is something you should keep visiting, its like therapy if u ask me! Sometimes u can feel as though your starting to bore your real life friends talking about him/her so u tend to bottle things up, everybody on here is here for you. Were all in the same boat, I know from reading some posts that some people are going through alot worse than me. I, like you feel hurt, and angry and sad. I go to bed every night thinking of him and i wake up every morning thinking of him. This will pass. Stay strong :-) occupy your mind and Dont let your exams suffer. Yeah u can re-take them next year, but next year you'll more than likely be fine and thinking. ''gosh, I'm retaking this damn exam bcus of her''
xxSRMxx Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Where is that post soulbear? I could do with reading it!!
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Allright thank you, I think I only read what I want to read ----> getting my ex back ! I totally missed the point I guess. But I think it is best to go on with my life and don't think about reconciliation, if we are all realistic I think none of us will get their ex back. Maybe a little small proportion of us (1% or less, I assume).. and if the ex is back, it would break again! Let's see things in perspective, all things in life end, if my ex didn't break up with me it would happen years later, maybe when I had kids or was married. Wooow I'm a mix of emotion this day!
Soul Bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Its in my disaster memoirs SRM Have a read, see if you can see what im getting at Hope your doing well today, its a beautiful day, and its going to be amazing, you feel happy and strong, you feel incredible!! Shout it out!!!
Soul Bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Allright thank you, I think I only read what I want to read ----> getting my ex back ! I totally missed the point I guess. But I think it is best to go on with my life and don't think about reconciliation, if we are all realistic I think none of us will get their ex back. Maybe a little small proportion of us (1% or less, I assume).. and if the ex is back, it would break again! Let's see things in perspective, all things in life end, if my ex didn't break up with me it would happen years later, maybe when I had kids or was married. Wooow I'm a mix of emotion this day! Keep positive bro, every negative thought you have, turn it into a positive thought instead. And its ok, i too in the early stages read everything the way I wanted to read it too. Its part of the process You have to WANT to change for YOU!! And you will, dont worry SoulBear
xxSRMxx Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I LOVE that post!! It really helped me! Should concentrate on ME. Today is a gorgeous day, think I'm gonna go and lie in the garden! Hope you are ALL okay x
Soul Bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I LOVE that post!! It really helped me! Should concentrate on ME. Today is a gorgeous day, think I'm gonna go and lie in the garden! Hope you are ALL okay x Glad it helped you
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 I'm sorry that I posted so much today, But I want to know if someone finds it a good reason that my ex dumped me. She dumped me because: -She does not love me anymore -Sees me as a very good friend, but not as a lover -Wants to know there is more in life then just this relationship -She was bored, and didn't find me attractive anymore I think this is a stage some people go trough, everyone doubts at a time in their relationship. But my ex has doubted several times, but gave it another name several times... First it was she was bored and felt that we didn't do much, I changed and go out very often to do pleaserable things. But can a girl change her mind? I thought love for someone is something that is never ending. I know that she meant it, but how can it be that it's over now? Finally, what do you think of the fact that she said: maybe we will get together after a year or so? I already said that is not realistic, but I don't get it!
Soul Bear Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 These are all common things to be said after a break up. I think everyone on here has had them said to them at one point or another. Whatever the reason is, it usually changes every time you ask. Im sure with some time for self reflection you will come to understand what happened and where you went wrong...where you both went wrong. It takes 2 to tango. Count this as a blessing in disguise, and a chance to make yourself even better than you were before. Talk is cheap!! Finally, what do you think of the fact that she said: maybe we will get together after a year or so?- I think its complete horsesh*t. Dont be fooled by the old 'maybe one day' syndrome. For now, you need to focus on turning Mr Noname into a Mr Somebody Nothing will change until you make a concerted effort to pick yourself up out of the gutter, rip her off that pedestal and become your old self again. Might I suggest getting a bar job or something like that. Its an excellent way to meet people and its gets your confidence sky high And who doesnt like hundreds of attractive women flirting with you all night from across the bar??!! Trust me bro, it works a treat! P.S dont worry about posting lots...I post lots too! Welcome to your self help therapy my friend!!
Recommended Posts